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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“How much did it cost?”

170 replies

OrangeStapler · 05/04/2022 12:09

I have recently, after over 5 years of saving, purchased a vehicle that is linked to my hobby. It was a lot of money to me, more than I have ever spent on an item before.
I haven’t seen many people yet but the handful I have seen have been very quick to ask how much it cost.
I’m not sure of their motives but I find the situation really uncomfortable and I think unless you are close to someone (these people are not close friends) then you shouldn’t ask.
AIBU?
YABU: it’s fine to ask.
YANBU: you shouldn’t ask.

Anyone got any ideas for what I can say in the future when people ask? Preferably that don’t make me sound equally rude 😄

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2022 13:23

If they do genuinely want to know how much an item retails for, taking out the element of your having bought one, it will take them 30 seconds to grab their phone from their bag or pocket and do the tiniest bit of research.

Bearing in mind that they will only usually ask about significantly expensive items that, you would hope, they would spend at least a few minutes thinking about before deciding whether or not to buy. If seeing you with a coffee or a bag of crisps makes somebody fancy one, they don't ask about cost - they just go to the nearest place that sells them and order/grab one.

Unsubscribed · 05/04/2022 13:23

@BitOutOfPractice

Oh god the mysterious MN "hobby" this time with an equally mysterious "vehicle". Why? Why not just say "I've just bought a horse box" or whatever. Unless it's a nuclear fusion hovercraft you won't be the only one!
Its annoying, but somehow I always find myself hanging around on the thread for the 'reveal'
godmum56 · 05/04/2022 13:24

@Notanotherwindow

I don't know why people are so weird about money. They're just curious about how much xyz item retails for. I wouldn't think twice about answering tbh.
how much something retails for is NOT how much someone actually paid for it. I think it is very rude to ask directly and would just blank the question.
CharlieLo · 05/04/2022 13:25

I live on a new build estate. Everytime I've had a taxi from my house they always pipe up asking how much we've paid for the house, and then one commented 'that's far too much money for that!' - so bloody rude.

Fireflygal · 05/04/2022 13:25

I think if it's a rare vehicle or really useful then asking is fine. I might ask if it interested me and think about purchasing one. If its bog standard, such as a horse box, I wouldn't as I know the approx cost. Wouldn't ask if it was a caravan either as completely uninterested.

I might answer "are you thinking of getting one"

If they answer no, then no need to get the share costs.

Sartre · 05/04/2022 13:26

I wouldn’t ask, it’s rude and there’s no real reason to ask anyway other than sheer nosiness. I’m sure they could Google if they really wanted to know.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 05/04/2022 13:27

On the assumption that your hobby is Steam Rallies, you will have probably bought a Traction Engine, so to the question "How much did it cost?“ I would reply "That's not important, have you seen how much coal is down the Shell Garage? "

NewPapaGuinea · 05/04/2022 13:29

Their motives could be anywhere from being nosey to genuinely intrigued and curious if it’s something they could afford themselves.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2022 13:30

I don't know, I think it can be asked in a genuine way. I'm very keen on cars and have a nice modified Japanese marque. It's the latest model and quite rare in the UK. I go to track days and car shows and people often ask how much it cost and how much the mods cost as they are genuinely interested. In that situation I happily divulge.

However, when mums at the school gate or colleagues ask I tend to fudge it or just say "enough" or change the subject.

I think it's usually easy enough to tell who's genuinely interested and who is just being nosy or might be snide about it.

Yes - that's it entirely. Plus, as well as coming from a point of genuine interest in maybe considering buying one for themselves, it also comes from an appreciation and understanding of the value of that item to you.

Of course somebody with no interest in niche cars will think that the price you paid for one is far too much compared with their runaround Fiesta - and will often judge you and think/call you stupid/gullible/ridiculous for spending that much. Similarly, they will also likely have a hobby or niche interest that you don't share and will spend more on something associated with it that you would consider a rip-off.

It's all about their reason for asking you and what they want to do with that information, once you tell them.

ravenmum · 05/04/2022 13:30

Are you into historical re-enactments? Is it a tank?

TheNameOfTheRoses · 05/04/2022 13:31

Oh I can see how a traction engine would work well!
And also why it would attract plenty of comments and analysis of ‘how much did she pay and how can she afford it’

In which case do NOT tell a price at all.

DonttouchthatLarry · 05/04/2022 13:33

When we had our horsebox built a couple on the same yard (who never had any money) asked how much it cost as they 'were thinking of buying one'. So I told them and they shut up once they knew how expensive it was. Horseboxes are difficult to value as they're not like cars, it depends on the age of the chassis, the age of the box, the fixtures and fittings, so to be fair ones that appear similar can vary by 1000's in price, so it's a valid question if someone is really interested in what they can get for their money.

The funniest part of buying ours was I remortgaged and the young lad on the phone at the bank dealing with my equity release loan asked what it was for, then asked 'what's a horsebox?' Grin

hyacinthblucket · 05/04/2022 13:33

it's just conversation...

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 05/04/2022 13:40

To be mumsnetty vague, in my hobby we need particular bespoke vehicles to transport the animals we need for our hobby. (Any guesses Grin) the vehicles usually have a living area in the front and a horse area in the back. The costs vary from a couple of thousand (my budget) to a couple of hundred thousand (hrh's budget). Asking what the vehicle set you back isn't rude, its kind of the first thing that's asked!!

redtshirt50 · 05/04/2022 13:41

I don't think this is rude, I quite often ask how much things cost

They're likely just curious - I think you're assuming they're judging when they probably aren't

Jammybadger · 05/04/2022 13:41

What they are really asking is ‘how the hell did you afford that?!’

A reply like ‘it was an absolute fortune, took me years to save up for it’ should satisfy them and doesn’t sound rude.

mam0918 · 05/04/2022 13:46

depends on what it is and whose asking.

I have a friend that bought a fancy sports car, clearly very expensive.

I have a friend that rallies, their looks beat up a lot but obviously costs to maintain and race.

I know someone else with a vintage car, they are ALWAYS working on it.

While yes its rude in general to ask money questions, people are just curious and have no malice:

For instance, the 'vintage' car was bought fairly new and wasn't expensive (it's become a collectors car) but the cost to keep it going and mods interest other collector-type people.

The sports car wows people, like a Rolex you drive so people are like 'dude, did you get an amazing deal because that's a really expensive car'

Rally car in general people are interested in the hobby because little is known by the average person - how much does it cost to race? can you make money through sponsors? how much does it cost to fix? etc...

Theoscargoesto · 05/04/2022 13:48

There is a difference between cost and the value of something to you I think. As said, some who share the hobby may be asking as they are thinking of a similar purchase but context is all. I think I’d say, it doesn’t matter because I’m going to get so much enjoyment from it, really looking forward to using/driving it

BertiesShoes · 05/04/2022 13:49

What they are really asking is ‘how the hell did you afford that?!’

In most cases, yes I agree.

I retired a year ago, and have had a few snide remarks, particularly from one friend, who lives close by, about affording to retire early.

We currently have a very small (probably smallest on market) motorhome on order - we are considering taking it straight to the storage compound that we have sorted, to save bringing it home and having more comments from her about that!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2022 13:50

Ride-on lawnmower that transforms into a souped-up pedalo?

HelloBunny · 05/04/2022 13:50

I’d just say how much it was, if someone asked.
It’s not a question I’ve ever asked, myself.

Myfootfeckinghurts · 05/04/2022 13:51

They’re asking because horse boxes are really expensive …

SparkleSpangle · 05/04/2022 13:54

I don't think people are as interested in your super secret, special, one of a kind hobby vehicle as you think. They are just making conversation. Either answer or don't but if you are going to be weird about it like in your OP people will just Google it.

Puffalicious · 05/04/2022 13:56

@ravenmum

Are you into historical re-enactments? Is it a tank?
Grin Laughed hard at this! I'm just imagining a tank in my driveway Grin.

We recently bought our first campervan. It attracted lots of attention with nice neighbours coming for a peek/ oohing/ ahhing/ chatting about where we'd go/ how great it'll be etc. Not one asked that rude question of cost, even our ndn who we're great friends with. Later an old neighbour who we never knew well and now lives a little further walks past: ' That must have cost you a bit. How much?' . How bloody rude. DH removed eye contact and said 'We saved, but got a good deal' . Prick. I'll not be discussing my financial position with anyone.

Enough4me · 05/04/2022 13:56

If I was thinking of buying one (e.g. new car) I may ask as would be interested in knowing the cost. As this is an unusual vehicle if someone asked me, I'd say in a surprised tone, "I didn't know you liked X?" They would then need to say yes actually I am interested, or more likely admit it was just curiosity and easy for you to change the subject.