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Original poster

Told off for serving olives and chicken?

438 replies

justonanote · 04/04/2022 18:14

I invited a friend's DD to my house. She and one of her friend's had been invited to a wedding and they were going to go together

I offered to have her DD and casually offered to have her friend's DD too. She jumped at the chance and was very enthusiastic.

This was all a very last minute arrangement and both seemed grateful to have childcare sorted

They were gone before lunch time but would be back before 6 so was told they'd sort dinner.

I briefly mentioned what to give for lunch and my own friend didn't actually say but I know her DD very well so just gave her what I know she would eat. No problems.

However, my friend's friend said 'oh just a cheese sandwich will do fine! Thanks again for having her'

I made a chicken curry. Both girls ate it and then wanted some seconds Blush we also had some olives randomly and a snack in the early evening

Friend's friend rang me once her DD was home with her screaming! I was completely shocked and not sure what she was talking about at first. Then she was cleared and said 'YOU GAVE RACH CHICKEN?! She is veggie!!!!! You could've damaged her stomach! She isn't use to meat'

I apologies profusely and said how sorry I was. It was a genuine mistake. She then said 'And the olives?! A choking hazard aren't they?!'

I again apologised but said I didn't realise it was wrong. I then said I won't have her again so there's no need to worry any further. She started screaming again and I hang up.

This was Sunday night. I haven't heard from my friend (who's child I know better and am actually close with). Her phone goes to VM and WhatsApp messages aren't double ticking

Was I really that Unreasonable? I really really didn't even think she could be veggie Sad

To make matters worse, my own child has a severe disability and he doesn't eat meat. I feel so bad.

OP posts:
TheArtfulBlogger · 04/04/2022 19:53

errr....a vegetarian who DOESN'T announce it with 30 seconds of meeting them??

Yeah right. Sorry OP, this makes me not believe a word of it Grin

LennyAndTheDucks · 04/04/2022 19:53

@BringBackCoffeeCreams

It wouldn't have occured to me that she was vegetarian especially seeing as her mother said a cheese sandwich was ok. Regular cheese isn't vegetarian.
The vast majority of cheese in the UK is vegetarian.
Ilovesandwiches · 04/04/2022 19:54

Don’t feel bad. You made a mistake, which you wouldn’t have made if the parent had told you her child was a vegetarian when you asked what she would like to eat. This isn’t your fault, you were trying to do a kind thing

aSofaNearYou · 04/04/2022 19:54

@BringBackCoffeeCreams

It wouldn't have occured to me that she was vegetarian especially seeing as her mother said a cheese sandwich was ok. Regular cheese isn't vegetarian.
Missing the point I know but how so? All the vegetarians I know have eaten regular cheese. Vegans avoid it...
LennyAndTheDucks · 04/04/2022 19:57

@aSofaNearYou some fancy cheeses are made with rennet (calf stomach) so not veggie. However that is rare and the vast majority of cheese in the UK is made with vegetable rennet and is vegetarian friendly so not really relevant here anyway.

TheArtfulBlogger · 04/04/2022 19:58

Cheese has rennet in it, enzymes found in the lining of the animal's stomach @aSofaNearYou, so part of the flesh (I presume this is why it isnt vegetarian)

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 04/04/2022 19:59

The vast majority of cheese in the UK is vegetarian.

I didn't know that. Been out of the UK too long.

Suzi888 · 04/04/2022 19:59

She should’ve mentioned any dietary issues and sent her with a packed lunch.

WinterSpringSummerorFall · 04/04/2022 20:00

An 8 year old surely would also be able to say... by the way, I am vegetarian. Very unfortunate all round, and slightly unbelievable reaction to be honest, especially that it includes the olive comments too. Hmm.

debwong · 04/04/2022 20:00

Yes. He doesn't really see any other children sad he doesn't acknowledge people but genuinely enjoys company in the house. But people don't invite him to anything anymore so I find I try and sort things so he knows people will come by to see us

I am sorry to hear that @justonanote

You sound very lovely so please don't give these cheeky "friends" any more head space.

LennyAndTheDucks · 04/04/2022 20:01

@TheArtfulBlogger

Cheese has rennet in it, enzymes found in the lining of the animal's stomach *@aSofaNearYou*, so part of the flesh (I presume this is why it isnt vegetarian)
Again vast majority of cheese in the UK is made with vegetable rennet therefore totally fine for veggies. It’s only some fancy cheeses that are made with animal rennet now.
NorthSouthcatlady · 04/04/2022 20:01

She sounds bat shit with a bad case of PFB

Whooshaagh · 04/04/2022 20:01

My dsil is a strict veggie and my dn has never eaten meat.
However dsil would never have screamed at you down the phone,
She may have said that she suggested a cheese sandwich because dn is veggie and sorry she wasn’t clearer.
That would be a normal reaction.

Sceptre86 · 04/04/2022 20:03

She is being unreasonable and I'd block her. We are Muslim and my 4 year old can tell you that he can't eat any meat at your home and what is allowed for him and what isn't. It was a mistake on your part but not a malicious one so she needs to get over herself. If she was that concerned she should have told you her child's dietary requirements beforehand. I'm aghast at olives being a choking hazard for an 8 year old? At what age would she bloody serve them then?

If your friend ditches you because of this other friends reaction then she isn't worth it.

Thatsplentyjack · 04/04/2022 20:05

She's worried about an 8 year old eating olives ffs! How do these people cope with life.
She should have told you she was veggie. How on earth were you supposed to know?

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/04/2022 20:05

She’s completely mad and incredibly rude.

If your child has diet restrictions then you tell the person. You were already doing her a favour, it’s not your job to do a diet assessment.

The comment about olives being a choking hazard to an eight year old Grin is further proof if needed that she is utterly barking.

It’s possible your friend is too afraid of you screaming in your other ear to take your call, but you can always block her too if she doesn’t stop the silent treatment.

Try and put it behind you, and try not be put off doing favours in future, most people appreciate them.

MangyInseam · 04/04/2022 20:05

It sounds like the crazy mother has serious food issues. Maybe more about control than really about meat and olives.

I am a little surprised the friend isn't responding, but maybe it's nothing to do with this? Or, the crazy lady told her a modified version of the story?

Lunificent · 04/04/2022 20:06

If you want to keep your relationship with the other friend, you’re going to have to explain what really happened, as the mad one will have told her that you knowingly gave her child something she couldn’t eat.

starray · 04/04/2022 20:07

Screaming mum is weird and ungrateful. You were not in the wrong at all.

LndnGrl · 04/04/2022 20:07

My son has a very limited diet. Olives though are oddly enough great with him

I cooked 3 of us the chicken curry, so me and the 2 girls. DS had something really boring and very 'meh' in comparison

Did he have a cheese sandwich?

birdglasspen2 · 04/04/2022 20:08

surely olives hang had the stone removed are not choking hazards in the way a grape might be? Also the girl is 8....at what point do we trust people to learn to eat without choking?! I'd honestly keep this as a funny story, the child didn't seem to. mind if she ate it and the mother is clearly crazy and should have said!!

CurzonDax · 04/04/2022 20:08

OP, you sound lovely.
Your friend sounds rude (for ignoring you, since you cared for her DC).
Your friend's friend just sound crazy.

You made a mistake, but it was just that a genuine mistake, because you are not a mind reader.

Leol · 04/04/2022 20:14

Presumably the 8 year old told her mum that she had eaten chicken. This means the child either doesn’t know she is vegetarian or doesn’t know that chicken is meat. This is quite unusual for an 8yr old.

ThistleTits · 04/04/2022 20:15

@justonanote

Well the thing is... I'm thinking, I didn't actually ensure she wasn't veggie? And it isn't uncommon? So maybe I am in the wrong for that
Not at all. The mother should have informed you. Your friend is being an arse too, if she's ignoring you.
RaRathebravemouse · 04/04/2022 20:15

But OP might not have had cheese? Or bead?

Saying "just cheese sandwich" sounds like just something easy, not that it has to be cheese sandwiches

This woman was very rude and wrong to shout at you abs your friend is awful for ignoring you. She probably feels stuck in the middle but you did them both a favour and why couldn't the 8 yo hav said she's veggie? The mother should have told you.

Don't feel bad OP. You sound like the nice one on all this.

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