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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told off for serving olives and chicken?

438 replies

justonanote · 04/04/2022 18:14

I invited a friend's DD to my house. She and one of her friend's had been invited to a wedding and they were going to go together

I offered to have her DD and casually offered to have her friend's DD too. She jumped at the chance and was very enthusiastic.

This was all a very last minute arrangement and both seemed grateful to have childcare sorted

They were gone before lunch time but would be back before 6 so was told they'd sort dinner.

I briefly mentioned what to give for lunch and my own friend didn't actually say but I know her DD very well so just gave her what I know she would eat. No problems.

However, my friend's friend said 'oh just a cheese sandwich will do fine! Thanks again for having her'

I made a chicken curry. Both girls ate it and then wanted some seconds Blush we also had some olives randomly and a snack in the early evening

Friend's friend rang me once her DD was home with her screaming! I was completely shocked and not sure what she was talking about at first. Then she was cleared and said 'YOU GAVE RACH CHICKEN?! She is veggie!!!!! You could've damaged her stomach! She isn't use to meat'

I apologies profusely and said how sorry I was. It was a genuine mistake. She then said 'And the olives?! A choking hazard aren't they?!'

I again apologised but said I didn't realise it was wrong. I then said I won't have her again so there's no need to worry any further. She started screaming again and I hang up.

This was Sunday night. I haven't heard from my friend (who's child I know better and am actually close with). Her phone goes to VM and WhatsApp messages aren't double ticking

Was I really that Unreasonable? I really really didn't even think she could be veggie Sad

To make matters worse, my own child has a severe disability and he doesn't eat meat. I feel so bad.

OP posts:
Moodlesofnoodles · 04/04/2022 20:51

I don't really get why people behave like this. She is unhappy about the food. We can argue about that. But the fact is that you clearly didn't do anything bad on purpose, and you won't be having the child round again. You were also doing her a big favour. So why the hell even mention the food? What good can it possibly do anyone? The child will be fine, and she should have just kept her thoughts to herself.

Mummyratbag · 04/04/2022 20:52

When someone you don't really know takes care of your child for free you bend over backwards thanking them (with flowers/wine)... you don't shout at them, geez what is wrong with people?

NannaKaren · 04/04/2022 20:53

Oh bless you - what a rude woman - YANBU

ThirdElephant · 04/04/2022 20:55

For future reference, OP, if anyone ever calls you to scream at you in future, just reply very sternly, 'I will not sit here and be screamed at like that!' and hang up.

NumericalBlock · 04/04/2022 20:55

It's on her, when you have a child with food requirements you tell people looking after them. Always.

Sleepeatrepeat · 04/04/2022 20:59

As someone who is dairy allergic there is never cheese on my house (or proper milk).

You asked if there were foods the kids would eat, she had ample opportunity to inform you her kid was veggie.

She is a twunt. And if your "friend" has blocked you as a result then she is a twunt too

Brownleafgreenleaf · 04/04/2022 21:03

@justonanote

Rach (not her real name of course), is 8

My nephews are veggie. They could tell me something wasn't 'veteran Grin' by age 3 to be fair

I grew up vegetarian. My kids are also vegetarian.

If “Rach” knew you’d made chicken, i’d be surprised if she didn’t understand she didn’t eat that - I knew what I could and couldn’t have as a veggie at a very young age! As do my kids.

Of course, the girl might have been too shy to say. But it’s not the child’s fault, her mother should have said.

You’re not in the wrong here. Her mother’s reaction was utterly bizarre. I would never shout at someone for unknowingly giving my children meat, ffs.

PingPages · 04/04/2022 21:04

Did the child know she was eating chicken? As in did you say to her that it was specifically chicken curry? Maybe she didn’t want to eat it but didn’t know how to say after already cooked? Trying to think up how it might have gone at home but whatever way I don’t think you were in the wrong! Mum should have told you

Butchyrestingface · 04/04/2022 21:05

Because I didn't know of any diet restrictions so just made us all something far better

I confess I do see @Babywalker56's point. You asked what to give the child for lunch. The mother told you. You then disregarded it. Why did you even ask in the first place if you weren't planning to do it? Unfortunately in my experience, going above and beyond for (some) people rarely works out for the good. Sad

Not that it excuses her behaviour for a second. If her daughter was old enough to tell tales to her mum about what you'd given her for lunch, she was more than old enough to tell you she's veggie. I hope your actual friend gets in touch and is profusely apologetic for the histrionics of the madwoman she foisted upon you.

RonSwansonsChair · 04/04/2022 21:06

And 8, the child was well able to speak up!
And surely she is well able to eat olives without choking at that age.

PeachesToday · 04/04/2022 21:07

The mum sounds bonkers.

The kid… she doesn’t want to be vegetarian;)

KnowingMeKnowingYouAhaaaa · 04/04/2022 21:09

Sounds like the child doesn't want to be vege, I always find it sad when parents make these odd restrictive diets just because (I'm not talking about people with genuine medical conditions). I'm sure she enjoyed her lovely curry. Olives without stones are fine, the black ones are small, if it was the bigger green ones I'd probably chop in half, but i am quite paranoid about choking, it wouldnt really be necessary.

Smackthepony · 04/04/2022 21:10

Your first mistake was apologising to her, your second was not putting the phone down on her.

Never apologise for not knowing something & never listen to someone screaming at you, put the phone down or walk away.

I would have been so incensed at her CF’ery, she would have got both barrels!

billy1966 · 04/04/2022 21:11

What a kind person you are with enough going on, yet you do those two awful people a favour.

Utterly shameful.

Rach's mother is absolute scum and your friend is a disgrace to be siding with her.

Don't give it a second thought.Flowers

blisstwins · 04/04/2022 21:15

8?
I am veg and so are my kids. I would not be upset by this at all--you did nothing wrong. Very kind of you to watch and then feed child. If someone was watching my veg kids I would have brought food and at a minimum told you. If that failed an 8 year old should know not to eat chicken. These friends stink.

stimpyyouidiot · 04/04/2022 21:21

I don't think being vegetarian is Rach's idea !

HermioneKipper · 04/04/2022 21:29

My 5 year old is vegetarian and would tell someone when they were going to serve her food.

That said I wouldn’t be upset by a genuine mistake and would appreciate you looking after her all day!

Some people are so ungrateful. Chuck these “friends”

Whatinthe · 04/04/2022 21:29

Please do not apologise again or feel bad anymore. It was her responsibility to tell you that she was vegetarian. It might not be uncommon but it's not general practice to go round assuming someone is because "a cheese sandwich will do". Utterly bizarre...and olives a choking hazard for an 8 year old? I was completely over the top about choking hazards and that is so ridiculously over the top even to me.

I'm sorry if your friend has indeed sided with her, shame on her if so and not sticking up for you. YANBU!

unsurereallyx1 · 04/04/2022 21:32

Even if you had said to Rach's mum you would definitely be making a cheese sandwich (you didn't!) she still should have informed you that Rach was a veggie otherwise you could have given them a meat snack eg pepperami / chicken satay sticks (idk) and clearly Rach wouldn't have said no!

DogsAndGin · 04/04/2022 21:34

8! She is very used to telling people she’s a vegetarian by now. School, restaurants, friends houses… she didn’t tell you, because she isn’t a vegetarian! Probably why she loved your chicken so much.

Choking hazard at 8! Give over. My friends two year old loves olives

YANBU

Eddielizzard · 04/04/2022 21:39

Choking hazard at 8 is ridiculous. You did a nice thing, it's their problem.

I've had this - invited a child for a playdate. Asked the parent about diet - no response. Fed her a percy pig. The mum never spoke to me again.

As the joke goes how do you know if someone's a vegan? They'll tell you. Well it doesn't seem to apply to vegetarians, but that really isn't your fault.

Velvian · 04/04/2022 21:40

I first heard on MN, 'good deed goes unpunished'. It is amazing how true it is.

You did a lovely thing for your friend and her friend and they are being ridiculous.

chipshopElvis · 04/04/2022 21:45

My kids are veggie and I would always let someone looking after them know that. Most kids eat meat. The woman sounds unhinged. Don't feel bad OP, you're not in the wrong!

Qazwsxefv · 04/04/2022 21:48

Not all cheese is vegetarian so even if you had given her a cheese sandwich it could well have not been veggie - she’s bonkers

UniversalAunt · 04/04/2022 21:50

8yo Rach is delighted to have tasty meal put in front of her & scarfed it down. Sounds like a charming child.

Somehow I think young Rach is used to eating many things that her mother is not aware of…& that may include meat.