Teachers- be honest please - do you judge or make assumptions?

[BlingLoving]

And if so, how often are you right?

eg when the kid turns up on day one with crazy curls, no hair tie (especially boys) do you immediately think, like I do, "oh no, this family is going to be a bit precious."

Or if the kid's clothes are consistently stained etc, do you chalk that up to parents having limited cash and taking view that school uniform is to be worn (my approach) or do you think they're just careless?

What about the ones who struggle to spend the time doing homework with their DC? Do you think they're just bad parents or are you sympathetic?

@BlingLoving Why do you have a fixation about children with curls? Reads as really odd. I do judge that.

[quote DarcyBlue]@BlingLoving Why do you have a fixation about children with curls? Reads as really odd. I do judge that.[/quote]
Her daughter has curly hair and likes to wear it down. She wants to know if she'll be judged if she sends her in like that.

@ToughLoveLDN

This is so interesting to read.

For the teachers, if you notice something with a child in their behaviour that could be a sign of something they may need some help with at what point do you contact the parents? Or is there like a special channel that you have to go through?

Or say for example if the child coming in is smelly or dirty etc and this is noticed on a regular basis, how is this kind of thing handled?

It's logged as a neglect concern. If it happens frequently, it will be followed up on by safeguarding team.

@FairyCakeWings

My year 1 COULD read Harry Potter and tell you everything that happened in those books. And read fluently with expression. Some kids can do these things and it’s equally as frustrating as a parent when you’re not listened to and told you’re being precious…

@FairyCakeWings

The only thing I would judge parents on is reading, and that can only be done after at least a term of knowing them.

The ones who never read with their children are doing their children a huge disservice and are actively preventing their children from achieving their potential across the whole curriculum. I have little sympathy with the parents who complain that their children won’t read at home because it’s usually their fault that they don’t like reading at home. If it had been put in place as an expectation at the start of reception and presented as something rewarding then it wouldn’t be an issue.

The parents who insist that their Y1 child has read Harry Potter are equally as bad. They seem to think that decoding is the only thing that matters and it’s irrelevant if the child hasn’t understood or retained any of it.

My children have been raised from the earliest days to love stories.

DD is dyslexic and it wasn't until we could ditch phonics and switch to sight words she got over her fear of books. In December (Y2) she was at a reception level for reading/phonics. Now, at the end of March she was at ARE because following the phonics screen we finally were OK to embrace whole word reading. She absolutely categorically read to me at home. I kept reading to her and made sure she loved listening to and discussing stories but her actually reading them? Whole other ballgame.

Children who see themselves as not as good as others in their class tend to be more resistant. Other children are very much school is school, home is home.

Its frustrating knowing you are being judged when it isn't always the parents laziness

@BorsetshireBanality

My DD’s reception teacher was very judgemental. She was moving up to be a year 1 teacher and had kept all the middle class boys in her new class and imported in the middle-class girls while the lower socio-ecomomic group children were put in the other year 1 classes. Luckily DD’s new Y1 teacher was lovely and kind as well as a brilliant teacher and had a really good calming influence on the children. If she was judging the patents she hid it very well, unlike the reception teacher. No very naughty, ethnic, or outside of school-gate—parent clique children left languishing to the last weeks of summer term to get their turn to have the class bear or not get a star of the week either.

Do you honestly think that teachers have ANY say or influence on their classes? That teacher did not CHOOSE who she had in her class! The headteacher makes those decisions and the teacher just lumps it!

I can't believe the things that people think about schools.

My year 1 COULD read Harry Potter and tell you everything that happened in those books. And read fluently with expression. Some kids can do these things and it’s equally as frustrating as a parent when you’re not listened to and told you’re being precious…

Mine too. I didn't let her read beyond no.4 until she was a couple of years older though. Starting in yr1 she talked about the books all the time, and it was clear from her conversations that she wasn't 'just decoding'.

I was the same at her age apparently. My reception primary teacher refused to believe my mother when she said I could read, and refused to move me up to harder reading books. I'm not teacher-bashing btw - I am a teacher and I know parents can sometimes be difficult.

I don't judge kids. I do judge parents who swear and shout at teachers at ptm. And then they have the nerve to ask you to ring them a few months later? Nah, you'll get a professional, polite email as it's in the remit of my job but I'll never be seeking out verbal contact with you again.

I am a primary school teacher.
Tbh I have no idea what you’re referencing with ‘crazy curls’ - I’ve never judged anyone for having curly hair, or not having a hair tie.

Stained clothes because they’ve just spilt their lunch on themselves is one thing, but smelly, unwashed children are a big issue - we have to call home and tell the parents their children need a wash. It’s neglect - so we have to deal with it as a safeguarding concern.

I am not sympathetic to parents who don't make time to help their children, no. Again, it’s neglect. I can’t stand parents who think it’s acceptable to never talk to their kids. I am referring to the parents who send their kids to their rooms with an iPad every night, or even allow the kids to eat in their room! I’ve got children whose parents shut themselves away in their own bedroom, door locked, to play on the PlayStation undisturbed! It’s disgraceful parenting and I feel very sorry for children who get no attention at home. It’s a huge set back for them - teachers can only do so much. The vast majority of a a young child’s learning comes from home.

Her daughter has curly hair and likes to wear it down. She wants to know if she'll be judged if she sends her in like that.

Nope, keeping DD's hair clean and vaguely knot-free is a massive chore for me. People can judge me on how successfully i do that all they like. But her hair is never in her eyes for school. So perhaps I'm less sympathetic to others because I go through such hell to stick with the very limited guidelines our school provides (ie no hair in eyes). But mostly, I stand by my point - there's a certain type of long hair, often on boys, that is a clear indicator the parents are going to be the type who believe their little darling is always 100% perfect and can and should do whatever he likes.

I was a teacher for 40 years and judged rudeness and bullying but not appearance. I have never seen him, do not know his name I judge the boy who asked hhis teacher,”Who do you think you are talking to?” when she asked him to stop sending paper aeroplanes across the room during an exam. She dealt with it by getting SM to remove him. I judge parents who are quick to criticise teachers when their child refuses to do homework, is insolent and idle in school yet mummy and daddy think they deserve A* for everything.
I loved my job but couldn’t recommend teaching to anyone these days.

@BlingLoving

I’m sure you know but lots of parents in this situation have a pencil case at home for homework and a school one which never leaves their bag outside of the classroom.

NO, I did not know that and frankly, that's GENIUS. As it's never come up because at primary everything is provided, I hadn't even thought of that. But it's a really good idea. Thank you. DS, bless him, told me that he thinks he'll just carry ALL his books for the school day as he knows he's going to struggle with getting Book A and Book B for periods 1 and 2 and then book C and D for Periods 3 and 4 after break etc.

I’m trying to think of other things I used to recommend, I left a while ago so I can’t remember everything

• multiple time tables, in their pocket, planner, fridge door, spares. Colour code the same colour as class book.
• put loose homework sheets straight into hmk folder
• pile of spare stationery at home
• get into a set routine of sorting out bag the night before. Create a visual checklist.

At GCSE stage get GCP revision guide for each subject (check exam board) for when they start their course.

I'm a teacher and I don't judge on the basis of hair etc - that's awful. I keep an eye out for signs of neglect or other safeguarding issues, obviously, as that's part of my job but judging pupils and their parents on the basis of hair/class/ethnicity is revolting and completely goes against any kind of equality, fairness or inclusion. I also never judge on the basis of behaviour as have two children with SEND myself and know how often it happens that people make assumptions and judge your parenting when its neurodiversity that is the issue.

Context is important.
Dirty clothes consistently - yes I worry about the child. Stains on otherwise clean clothes - no. Clothes that are a bit worn out or on the small side - no. Kids grow out of stuff and not everyone can afford to replace stuff all the time. Homework it depends again on context. Some parents have too much on to be doing much at home. I think that when kids are young and need to be reading that is important.

[quote Letmethinkidontknow]@Anorthernlass
Unfortunately I agree. I observed that the colleagues with children usually have more perspective and understanding than those who are child free by choice.[/quote]
That's interesting because I often felt the ones with kids were more judgey and I wondered how their kids always managed to be so perfect. A lot of the younger teachers have been more realistic in their expectations in my experience. But it depends, there are the ones that buck the trend - his Y1 teacher had kids and was amazing. Had the kids where she wanted them and seemed to be one of those teachers who could quell any thoughts of dissent by a look.

I see a lot of the results of poor parenting choices teaching in an infant school eg, a child with completely black, rotten teeth whose parent admits they have a baby bottle of coke at bedtime. Children age 7 with dummies in buggies being pushed to school. 4 year old children who won't eat anything at lunchtime because Mummy isn't feeding them. Children who have no idea how to hold a book and try to swipe at pages because they've only ever held an ipad. I teach in an affluent area too.

I don't judge the children at all, I give them everything I can to try to improve their life chances. I would never show judgement to the parents because in a lot of cases their choices are down to poverty and not being educated in parenting (bring back sure start!) I just feel upset that these children are at such a disadvantage.

@bluebaul

I tend to immediately make assumptions about families where the children have copious long curls, never tied back. I just know they're going to be all tinkly laughs and "oh so liberal" while their kids are probably hooligans!

This is fucking awful. Like seriously. WTF.

I know - I hope this was a poorly judged joke

Helpful to know that there is a lot of judgement going on … about hair. How would any of you know why a child has long hair? What if child wants it long, doesn’t like haircuts, religion or cultural beliefs. Leave the kids alone.

I'm reading this thread with a certain level of dread; I have a young child who will start school in 2023. I didn't grow up on Britain, and the schooling system to me seems draconian, from underpaid and undervalued teachers to school uniforms. Why does a 4-year old need to wear a uniform - must their personality be whipped out of them at any cost? Plus the constant testing and obsession with tests.

Anyhoo, my child will most likely be judged because they have big curls and a non-conforming, questioning mother.

@Princetopple

Curls are such an odd thing to make an assumption about though. I don't know why you'd think a child with curly hair which wasn't tied back was from a 'tinkly laugh liberal family' and would be hard work whereas a child with straight hair not tied back wouldn't be.

My son has long curly hair and it's just pretty wild. I imagine that the teachers at his current school would think he was neglected rather than having a precious mother. He's a teenage shower dodger now and I have to constantly nag him to actually comb and wash his hair. The only time he will willingly tie it back is when he's at army cadets because there are consequences if it's not tied up. They're pretty stern. The idea that anybody would think we were tinkly laugh liberals is quite funny. Not sure you get many of those around here.

Completely agree with this. It's really hurtful to make this judgement on curly hair. Straight hair is not 'better'. It's just the way people are born.

Homework at primary school? I struggled to show enthusiasm for this myself (beyond reading & spellings).

My kids HATED these mega projects and it made years 5 & 6 pretty unhappy - around the weeks homework was set anyway.

I guess it set them up for year 7 and having homework?? But still we thought it was ridiculous.

The idea of giving a 9 year old a large, weeks-long project without breaking it down always seemed like setting students up to fail and an awful lot of stress. Plus - lots of parents doing the homework to teach the desired standard. Pointless really. Your kid - who did everything themselves / just felt shit about their work…

[quote baffledcoconut]@FairyCakeWings

My year 1 COULD read Harry Potter and tell you everything that happened in those books. And read fluently with expression. Some kids can do these things and it’s equally as frustrating as a parent when you’re not listened to and told you’re being precious…[/quote]
Then I’d have to ask why on earth you’d give your year 1 child Harry Potter to read. I can believe the rare child is capable and still think it’s a bad idea.

You can’t possibly get the full benefit of everything Harry Potter has to offer if you read it with a 5/6 year old instead of waiting a few years until that child is old enough to get the best out of the whole series.

I’d have to write a whole essay to explain all my reasons for wishing my year 1 children didn’t read Harry Potter.

@FiveForAPound

I find it incredibly frustrating that parents don't listen to their dc read.

It takes a TA pretty much a whole week to listen to every child once and the LA 20% every day.

I don't notice clothes except for shoes they can't tie themselves or that don't fit. I do t even notice if they are actually wearing uniform or not.

And I only notice hair that's in their faces. Some dc have to hold their hair when they work or when they are walking along or playing outside.

I only once at most a week remember to write “we read the reading book” in the diary. I read with my child loads and listen to them read (also a primary teacher!). Don’t assume those who write in the book have and those who haven’t, haven’t. I think there is only a very loose correlation!

@Pigtailsandall

I'm reading this thread with a certain level of dread; I have a young child who will start school in 2023. I didn't grow up on Britain, and the schooling system to me seems draconian, from underpaid and undervalued teachers to school uniforms. Why does a 4-year old need to wear a uniform - must their personality be whipped out of them at any cost? Plus the constant testing and obsession with tests.

Anyhoo, my child will most likely be judged because they have big curls and a non-conforming, questioning mother.

Good for you. As a UK teacher myself, questioning the ‘system’ is wise.