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Original poster

Western men fat phobia!

252 replies

rosieej · 04/04/2022 08:24

*as a generalization

Why have I noticed when I moved to countries like Lebanon, Egypt, bigger women with bigger features /bum, bellies etc are given way more compliments and it's the opposite in the west, it's seen as ideal to be slim there (in general, I don't agree with that ofc) and some men have even told me years ago they can't date me as they'd me embarrassed to be seen with a 'fat girl'Hmm(years ago, I'm around a size 18, much more confident now tho)

I find in Ireland and Uk most men don't give bigger women (me) a second glance and ALOT of them have fat phobia yet where I live now people actually stop me to compliment my bigger body and I've never gotten as much attention at this weight..

What is that about! HmmGrineven women stopping to call me a 'duck' which is seen as a compliment or a 'mozza' which is seen as a sexualised curvy woman...and men worshipping big curves etc.

Possibly all due to sex I suppose..

But it's weird. Anyone else noticed anything similar? Or share stories of any experiences with fat phobia in the west. It's major in the west imo. Of course not all men but quite a lot

OP posts:
VyeBrator · 04/04/2022 12:12

Jonny1265:

I don't think it's a phobia. Being overweight can cause a multitude of health complications and limit activity. I'm quite active and would like my partner to be able to do some of the things I like doing. I'd also like to live a long and happy life with my partner which includes looking after ourselves physically.

ChiefWiggumsBoy:

Absolute ROFL at the ‘we just care about your health’.

It’s fine to have a preference, you can just say that. I’m not especially attracted to fat men tbh.

Do you often laugh at people who like to look after their own health? What about non smokers? Do you find them hilarious too? Or teetotals/moderate drinkers?

What is it that makes you 'Absolute ROFL'?

Cerealnamechangerer · 04/04/2022 12:13

Isn't this thread just perpetuating the myth that men's opinions on women's bodies are important? Unless he's my doctor, i couldn't give a shit what any man thinks of my body.

VyeBrator · 04/04/2022 12:17

Fat discrimination exists everywhere and fat people can call it phobia if they choose. They are the ones on the receiving end of it.

Of course they can but that still doesn't make it so, therefore realistically they'll probably be challenged on using the wrong word.

GottaLoveTheCold · 04/04/2022 12:17

I wouldn’t want my husband to be fat. Slightly overweight is fine but actually fat would worry me that he would get sluggish, low energy, lethargic and then ill with T2 diabetes and with all the associated issues that come with it. I don’t want to look after a blind amputee if it’s merely because he couldn’t put the cake down. Luckily he is high energy with loads of active hobbies and so I think it’s unlikely but there is nothing wrong with wanting a partner to be healthy and active so you can have a fun, varied life.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 04/04/2022 12:21

@VyeBrator

Western men fat phobia!
Hoppinggreen · 04/04/2022 12:21

Preferences aren’t phobias

RedRec · 04/04/2022 12:21

@ChameFangeNail

Because until recently most of Western fashion was dictated by gay men who wanted to dress their own image - no hips or tits. That set the standard and it’s been riven through western beauty ideals ever since.

What utter bollocks.

SweetGrapes · 04/04/2022 12:22

@Deux

I wonder if some of it is connected to the idea that to be fat means you have ample money for food and lots of it. It doesn’t really apply in the west.

Just musing really. I used to live overseas and the locals would tut-tut at my slimness and suggest my DH was withholding money and food. I was asked why I wasn’t fat. To be fat meant you were wealthy and had lots of food.

This!

We have a phrase that essentially means
"looks like she/he is from a household that eats well"

It's on the backfoot now but growing up a lot of the pictures on calendars, movie stars etc were all nice and chubby. Very sweet actually. I was thinking of putting up some vintage posters to challenge the 'slim is beautiful' narrative.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 04/04/2022 12:22

@VyeBrator

Jonny1265:

I don't think it's a phobia. Being overweight can cause a multitude of health complications and limit activity. I'm quite active and would like my partner to be able to do some of the things I like doing. I'd also like to live a long and happy life with my partner which includes looking after ourselves physically.

ChiefWiggumsBoy:

Absolute ROFL at the ‘we just care about your health’.

It’s fine to have a preference, you can just say that. I’m not especially attracted to fat men tbh.

Do you often laugh at people who like to look after their own health? What about non smokers? Do you find them hilarious too? Or teetotals/moderate drinkers?

What is it that makes you 'Absolute ROFL'?

You have just proven the point that you've made an assumption that fat people do not care about their health.
Usou · 04/04/2022 12:28

The countries mentioned are all Muslim. Men there would never make such comments to local women or make any approaches at all, as to do so may land them in an awful lot of trouble (dead even), apart from being just not done.

Foreigners and particularly western women are seen as fair game.

VyeBrator · 04/04/2022 12:29

[quote ChiefWiggumsBoy]@VyeBrator[/quote]
So what was your point? Because it just looks as though you were trying to put the PP down for caring about their own health and that of their partner's?

Gwenhwyfar · 04/04/2022 12:30

This is well known isn't it? Cultural preference. (Fat still suggests rich in some countries, even if that's only a subconscious thing).

I have an African friend whose DM has a very small appetite. She was always considered less attractive at home because you're supposed to have something that wobbles when you dance. I suppose she's happy to be in Europe now.

RobertaFirmino · 04/04/2022 12:31

We are allowed to find attractive people who will be able to give us healthiest offspring. Attraction is based on that.

What about those who are attracted to members of the same sex though?

5128gap · 04/04/2022 12:38

@Cerealnamechangerer

Isn't this thread just perpetuating the myth that men's opinions on women's bodies are important? Unless he's my doctor, i couldn't give a shit what any man thinks of my body.
Which is all well and good if you are in a relationship with a man, or don't wish to be. A heterosexual woman wishing to have sex or a relationship will need to attract a male partner. The size and quality of the pool from which she may choose is significantly impacted by how attractive she is considered to be, which typically includes her body. So as uncomfortable as it may be, in reality she isn't in a position not to give a shit.
YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj · 04/04/2022 12:40

OP not coming back then? Hmm

AlaskaFound · 04/04/2022 12:43

@NightmareSlashDelightful

Christ alive

Can we not do better than rating ourselves over how men in the street view our bodies???

Agreed. Wtf.

I don’t want or need compliments on my body from anyone. Especially would dislike random people stopping me to compliment me on my body! Mother of god.

Selma22 · 04/04/2022 12:50

@RobertaFirmino

We are allowed to find attractive people who will be able to give us healthiest offspring. Attraction is based on that.

What about those who are attracted to members of the same sex though?

It is a minority though.Biologically we have a need to reproduce and choose a mate that can create healthy children. Gay or straight however everybody understands that humans just like all animals have a healthy weight range and that going outside (both directions )comes at price.I don't want to deal with self inflicted diabetes etc
Changename111 · 04/04/2022 12:55

Going back to cultural standards of beauty....
I'm 5'0 and very petite build (size 3 feet - to show I've a small bone size!) And whilst in the UK this is generally considered too short to be attractive, I find I get a lot more attention from Mediterranean cultures. Spain and Portugal in particular.

CompassPoint · 04/04/2022 13:00

The countries mentioned are all Muslim. Men there would never make such comments to local women or make any approaches at all, as to do so may land them in an awful lot of trouble (dead even), apart from being just not done.

This exactly. It isn't that the men making comments to the OP revere her shape, its that they think she's an an easy target who will be flattered (vom) by their attentions. They wouldn't dare do this to any woman they considered "respectable". Which makes it all the more revolting.

CompassPoint · 04/04/2022 13:03

I don’t want or need compliments on my body from anyone. Especially would dislike random people stopping me to compliment me on my body! Mother of god.

This absolutely, I would deeply love to be invisible and go about my business in peace. I cannot understand how any woman could like being commented on. Christ alive.

AlaskaFound · 04/04/2022 13:04

@CompassPoint

The countries mentioned are all Muslim. Men there would never make such comments to local women or make any approaches at all, as to do so may land them in an awful lot of trouble (dead even), apart from being just not done.

This exactly. It isn't that the men making comments to the OP revere her shape, its that they think she's an an easy target who will be flattered (vom) by their attentions. They wouldn't dare do this to any woman they considered "respectable". Which makes it all the more revolting.

It does make it even more revolting.

🤮

NeverChange · 04/04/2022 13:12

I don't particularly find tall men, skinny men, younger men and women attractive.

Am I heightest, skiniest, ageist and sexist or do I just have a preference?

Also I lose weight for me and how it make me look and fell,not for anyone else. Tbh, I don't care what anyone else things of my weight/body once I'm happy with it.

CompassPoint · 04/04/2022 13:16

Yes it does AlaskaFound I have spent a lot of time working in Africa and the Middle East, and the comments men would make about Western women when they were out with the lads/thought they couldn't be overheard/thought you didn't speak the language were appalling. It is so offensive.

I never had any problems myself, I was always covered head to toe and wore what local women wore but whenever I challenged any of my male colleagues on this they always shrugged and could never understand why it bothered me. They were always quick to reassure me I'd never be treated like that as I was a "respectable lady with good morals". They saw most western women as less than human. just things to be used.

GroovyGroovy · 04/04/2022 13:18

Good point 5128gap.

Though overall being genuinely accepting and happy in your body as a woman is the main thing and what is attractive I suppose. And I think lots of women struggle with this, partly because of various phobias about fat etc. Women have more fat on their bodies than men by composition, its a fact, so the phobia about fat is almost a phobia about being a woman (you could argue).

I used to watch the Friends series, once upon a time in the West. But really used to notice how thin - and I mean really thin - the 3 actresses were. Compared to the beefy men who were all frat muscle and were very beefy by comparison.

MargosKaftan · 04/04/2022 13:19

@Deux

I wonder if some of it is connected to the idea that to be fat means you have ample money for food and lots of it. It doesn’t really apply in the west.

Just musing really. I used to live overseas and the locals would tut-tut at my slimness and suggest my DH was withholding money and food. I was asked why I wasn’t fat. To be fat meant you were wealthy and had lots of food.

I think @Deux is right - what is desirable in a woman's appearance has often been linked to what appears to be wealthy (whereas men don't get to have the same pressure to display their family's financial status via their body). I've mentioned it on another thread a while ago, but I read a book set in during Henry VIII reign (around wife 3 time), and there was a apparently a short lived fashion for young ladies to blacken their teeth, because being able to afford to feed your DDs expensive imported sugar was only for the elite. Black teeth became a high status symbol amongst single woman.

Long nails have remained fashionable for woman for a long time because pre-gel /fake nails, if you had long nails it was clear someone else was scrubbing your clothes and cleaning your home.

Tans used to be considered ugly because it was a sign you had to work outdoors. Then became fashionable because it became a sign you could afford to travel /didn't need to stay inside an office/factory during daylight.

Being overweight in the UK is often a sign of a poor diet associated with poverty. In parts of the world where having enough calories for each family member, having fat female family members (not even having to prioritise the working men for any spare food) is a sign of family wealth.