I remember why I avoid threads like this now, it makes me so sad to think of the babies and children that have had such a negative childhood experience as their mothers seemed to hate being with them and couldn't wait to leave them. There is something so sad and damaging about some of these posts.
what a load of bollocks. Women, working class women, have ALWAYS worked. The difference now is that we often live far from families, and our own mothers (or MILs) are also still working so no chance of doing extended family childcare which has been a stalwart feature of working class women's lives.
The cost of childcare is exhorbitant. And women fought long and hard not to be seen as "breeding machines" and should have the choice to work outside the home if that is what is good for them and their children. Why do you think "mother's little helpers" were a thing? and how many children were damaged by marriages staying together "for the sake of the children"? Plenty.
Women have choices, as do men (pity more men don't make the choice to cut hours and pick up more slack on the home front so that more women could work fewer than 40 hours and still have that SAHM-vibe) and the more of us make those choices, for the good of our own families, having given it serious thought the better.
There is no "right way" of being a mother. The fact that being at home with children nearly broke my brain is neither here nor there in the terms that i love my children more than life itself - i just didn't love having to be with them 24/7.
And contrary to the toxic wasteland pp mentioned, i'm finding this thread refreshing in that is is less SAHM vs Working outside the home mum rather but is instead a lot of good advice and personal anecdotes about how people have made motherhood work for them and their families. It has been supportive, for the most part, and most of the toxicity (which has been mild) has come in the form of "ohhhhh the poooooor babies" with an undertone of horrible women who don't love their children. But even that has been restricted to only a few posts.
Have you any idea how damaging it is as a child to hear your mother actively hating spending time with you? Couldn't wait to leave you.
can't speak for anyone else but i never ever said that to my children and i don't know anyone who did (have met plenty of men who "work" late so they get home after the children are in bed though).
I wonder how women with children who feel they have no option but to work (lone parent, sole earner, two wages don't cut it etc) feel when the sanctimonious brigade castigate them for not wanting to spend every waking second with their offspring? or how women who have made a sometimes really difficult choice to be a SAHP (for whatever reason) feel when the sanctimonious "but think of your pension" brigade castigate them for that?
The reality is that we make choices for our families. But the decision to SAHP has to be taken with eyes wide open about what the financial implications may be, especially pensions, and how much robustness there is in the family budget for unforseen disasters. In that respect i have found this thread supportive and really good.