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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being miserable cow…holidays?

131 replies

JustJam4Tea · 04/04/2022 07:06

Like a lot of other people we’ve not been away in a while. Couple of weekends away as a couple.

I suggested we booked a week in Spain. DH is now considering taking his parents, 20 something son, daughter, their other halves and their mum. His ex.

AIBU for thinking that won’t be a holiday.

He’ll think it’s fun, and tbh , they are good company, but the cooking, the organising, the fact his kids don’t lift a finger. He won’t want to do every shop and the cooking. I just want to go away for a week and not worry about what other people want to do.

He wants a big family holiday like back 8n the day. He’s been divorced 15 years, we’ve been married 12. We’ve been away for family wedding as a big group and graduations and it works ok for a weekend.

I’m considering just leaving him to it. AIBU to think I can’t be arsed with all that.

OP posts:
malificent7 · 04/04/2022 07:09

Yanbu...why not suggest he does a lot of the work so you can relax or is that "your job?"

hellcatspangle · 04/04/2022 07:14

Quite honestly I'd just be telling him it's you or them.

Annoy · 04/04/2022 07:14

Tell him you’re not lifting a finger!… surely if the ex is there she will pick up the slack from her kids?

PuntasticUsername · 04/04/2022 07:15

YANBU at all. Either stay home by yourself (I'd love that but ymmv) or have your own holiday where you can actually relax!

pumpkinpie01 · 04/04/2022 07:22

Book an all inclusive , no work for anyone everyone can do their own thing . We have often gone on a family holiday with extended family , works out great . Do you mean his ex is going ?

Mummytobe93 · 04/04/2022 07:26

Hell no

Doesn’t sound like relaxing holiday at all, it’s sounds like a recipe for disaster to be honest.

Walkingalot · 04/04/2022 07:26

Tell him what you've told us.
Sounds like he's thinking of a villa, all under one roof? That would be my ideal of hell, very far from a relaxing break. Maybe if you went on a full or half board package deal it would be much better.

Nsky · 04/04/2022 07:30

Unless you get on, and not inclusive could be hell.
Going away to my brother’s house in France, for my big family 60th party, over that time we will share domestics, cook, clean, split monies and get on!
We know what is expected!

Original poster
JustJam4Tea · 04/04/2022 07:31

In theory the idea of an extended family holiday is great. The short breaks we’ve done are fine as either been in hotel and meet up for whatever event or there’s only been breakfast to think about.

I think I’ll be able to get him to think a city break would be better. And we get on holiday on our own.

OP posts:
tanstaafl · 04/04/2022 07:43

It’s not a holiday for me if I’m doing all the cooking

Is that so hard to say OP?

Iwonder08 · 04/04/2022 07:46

Just tell him openly that you want a relaxing holiday with just 2 if you to recharge and reconnect and perhaps a big family holiday can be on the cards next year. Don't give up on your own wishes

rattlemehearties · 04/04/2022 07:48

You've not mentioned budget so why not do both? Big family all inclusive if possible (or a clear agreement about everyone takes turns makes one meal a night for the holiday) AND your weekend away as a couple somewhere?

Dontjudgeme101 · 04/04/2022 07:49

@Iwonder08

Just tell him openly that you want a relaxing holiday with just 2 if you to recharge and reconnect and perhaps a big family holiday can be on the cards next year. Don't give up on your own wishes
I agree with this.
Herejustforthisone · 04/04/2022 07:56

Sorry, he wants to take his ex, their children, their children’s other halves and his parents in holiday? Oh, and you?

I don’t know your family dynamic but that sounds bonkers and like you’d be the outsider.

Or does he expect you to be cook and cleaner for them all while they kick back and don’t lift any of their fingers?

Squirrelblanket · 04/04/2022 08:01

Just book a hotel. Nobody has to cook, everyone gets their own space. Job done.

rookiemere · 04/04/2022 08:02

You're been married for 12 years, so personally I would have just squashed the idea there and then. "Sounds nice dear, but I had in mind a relaxing holiday for the two of us. Why don't I plan and book that and you can look into arranging the big family holiday?"

If he's anything like my DH, big holiday will never happen unless I organise it.

rookiemere · 04/04/2022 08:02

You're been married for 12 years, so personally I would have just squashed the idea there and then. "Sounds nice dear, but I had in mind a relaxing holiday for the two of us. Why don't I plan and book that and you can look into arranging the big family holiday?"

If he's anything like my DH, big holiday will never happen unless I organise it.

Pegasussnail · 04/04/2022 08:05

That wouldn't work for me at all. Not even to do with cooking. A holiday is getting away from lifes irritations and switching off.

alwayswrighty · 04/04/2022 08:05

It's good you all get on, but I'd be diplomatically telling him you want a complete rest and was looking forward to it being just the two of you. Be honest.

WeAllHaveWings · 04/04/2022 08:08

His ex

Well that would be a no.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 04/04/2022 08:08

Ha ha ha. No chance.

Unless in a hotel.

StrangeCondition · 04/04/2022 08:11

Nope!

balalake · 04/04/2022 08:11

Be open about it, not going unless the adults all do a share of the work. If they backtrack once you are there, never again, 100%.

Mooster62 · 04/04/2022 08:11

Perhaps say fine but I'm looking forward to relaxing so you will have to be responsible for the cooking and shopping etc..

Bonheurdupasse · 04/04/2022 08:12

OP

I would just not go.

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