Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being miserable cow…holidays?

131 replies

JustJam4Tea · 04/04/2022 07:06

Like a lot of other people we’ve not been away in a while. Couple of weekends away as a couple.

I suggested we booked a week in Spain. DH is now considering taking his parents, 20 something son, daughter, their other halves and their mum. His ex.

AIBU for thinking that won’t be a holiday.

He’ll think it’s fun, and tbh , they are good company, but the cooking, the organising, the fact his kids don’t lift a finger. He won’t want to do every shop and the cooking. I just want to go away for a week and not worry about what other people want to do.

He wants a big family holiday like back 8n the day. He’s been divorced 15 years, we’ve been married 12. We’ve been away for family wedding as a big group and graduations and it works ok for a weekend.

I’m considering just leaving him to it. AIBU to think I can’t be arsed with all that.

OP posts:
Phos · 04/04/2022 08:13

YANBU

My DH and his family want to take my daughter on holiday to their home country in a couple of years. There's no way I'm going.

ittakes2 · 04/04/2022 08:13

You are not being unreasonable but if you book an all inclusive ir half board it avoids your concerns

RishiRich · 04/04/2022 08:13

YANBU. Go on a relaxing holiday on your own.

orangeisthenewpuce · 04/04/2022 08:14

As others have said, hotel or you don't go. Simple. I'd never go on holiday if I was expected to cook.

MichelleScarn · 04/04/2022 08:15

That is not a holiday!! Unless he's arranging it all/doing it all and you can just go along and relax. Or is it a "this is the hols we want @JustJam4Tea is organiser"

Gilly12345 · 04/04/2022 08:15

All inclusive all personally I wouldn’t go.

Who wants to go on holiday abroad and have to food shop, cook, washing up etc that is no holiday.

Brefugee · 04/04/2022 08:17

I'd say "fine, get on with it. Note that i will be not lifting a finger as my preference is just the two of us all inclusive" and stick to it

FairFuming · 04/04/2022 08:20

Who wants to go on holiday with their ex!?
I'd tell him to.bash on and organise it for himself and go on the holiday you want with a sister or a friend tbh

ReeseWitherfork · 04/04/2022 08:22

@WeAllHaveWings

His ex

Well that would be a no.

Yeah….. this. Even if you’re on friendly terms this seems a bit much?!
Crucible · 04/04/2022 08:24

Just been on a holiday that was basically transporting a life of cooking cleaning and arranging everything and having the entire mental load in my pocket, just in another location. Utterly pointless. Lovely views. Just don't lift a finger OP. Good luck, sounds like a total ball ache.

AffableApple · 04/04/2022 08:26

@Brefugee

I'd say "fine, get on with it. Note that i will be not lifting a finger as my preference is just the two of us all inclusive" and stick to it
This, and explain to the nth degree that this means no cooking, no food shopping, no peacekeeping, no nothing from you whatsoever. Because your preference is all-inclusive, and you are not the holiday's nominated servant. "Are we clear about this, OP's Husband? There must be no misunderstanding about this?" Then also book a weekend away, just the two of you.
RampantIvy · 04/04/2022 08:27

@Squirrelblanket

Just book a hotel. Nobody has to cook, everyone gets their own space. Job done.
This ^^
OatmilkandCookies · 04/04/2022 08:28

Yanbu.
You've talked about a holiday for you and he's massively moved the goal posts.

Original poster
JustJam4Tea · 04/04/2022 08:30

I wouldn’t be doing the cooking or organising. Only enough to be polite. So dh would get stressed by it all or get to the end of the day and be puzzled by nothing for tea or a tiny bit put out when he realises he can’t go out for a long walk and do the shopping for 8 people…

OP posts:
Dinoteeth · 04/04/2022 08:35

No that sounds bonkers.

Too many people, too many generations and his ex. Someone would feel awkward there either you or her.

Eddielizzard · 04/04/2022 08:37

No way. He can do it of course, but I wouldn't be going.

whosaidth1 · 04/04/2022 08:39

YANBU OP. This doesn't sound very relaxing.

TheHoleNineYards · 04/04/2022 08:42

I agree with PP. Be honest that it’s not what you want. Suggest you book a city break for the two of you (that will happen) and he book the big family holiday (that won’t).

Extrabreit · 04/04/2022 08:42

So he wants a ‘big family holiday’ where he lies back on a lounger, while the women of the family (2 of whom were/are married to him, which won’t be awkward at allHmm) run around doing the shopping , planning ,cooking , coordinating endless trips, keeping the conversation going and generally tiptoeing through potential familial minefields till the week is finally over . What’s not to like ?(for him)

Newestname002 · 04/04/2022 08:42

@JustJam4Tea

I wouldn’t be doing the cooking or organising. Only enough to be polite. So dh would get stressed by it all or get to the end of the day and be puzzled by nothing for tea or a tiny bit put out when he realises he can’t go out for a long walk and do the shopping for 8 people…

What have you said to him OP? If you don't want to do this tell him very clearly as, otherwise, it sounds like the default organiser, chief cook and bottle washer will be you - that doesn't sound like a holiday to me. Are you strong enough to go on this holiday but not do the bulk of the work before and after?

Of course if he really wants to do this and organise it, you can always go elsewhere on your own, without this group he's planning on inviting, and enjoy a calm time in the sun of your own choosing. 🌹

NoSquirrels · 04/04/2022 08:43

“Sounds great, DH. You’ll be doing a lot of organising though - are you sure you want to be responsible for all that? Doesn’t sound like a relaxing holiday to me if you need to worry about cooking and shopping all week.”

See what he says back.

Lalliella · 04/04/2022 08:45

His ex??? What on earth?

No!

AllOfUsAreDead · 04/04/2022 08:49

Remind him that if he wants that, it's his choice and you won't be helping at all as it's not your choice in holiday. Sounds more like hell to me why does he want his ex there? That's just so weird.

MichelleScarn · 04/04/2022 08:53

@JustJam4Tea

I wouldn’t be doing the cooking or organising. Only enough to be polite. So dh would get stressed by it all or get to the end of the day and be puzzled by nothing for tea or a tiny bit put out when he realises he can’t go out for a long walk and do the shopping for 8 people…
And will it be you then who is looked at to solve this problem? Sounds like it!
RewildingAmbridge · 04/04/2022 08:54

Don't go self catering or do but only eat out. I don't cook on holidays. Happy to get a few things in for breakfast from the local shop, cereal, bread etc but even when we've stayed in apartments with kitchens we eat out. Surely that's the point is that no-one does it?
Either that or go all inclusive (not a fan personally unless high end long haul destinations but better than catering for eight!)