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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being miserable cow…holidays?

131 replies

JustJam4Tea · 04/04/2022 07:06

Like a lot of other people we’ve not been away in a while. Couple of weekends away as a couple.

I suggested we booked a week in Spain. DH is now considering taking his parents, 20 something son, daughter, their other halves and their mum. His ex.

AIBU for thinking that won’t be a holiday.

He’ll think it’s fun, and tbh , they are good company, but the cooking, the organising, the fact his kids don’t lift a finger. He won’t want to do every shop and the cooking. I just want to go away for a week and not worry about what other people want to do.

He wants a big family holiday like back 8n the day. He’s been divorced 15 years, we’ve been married 12. We’ve been away for family wedding as a big group and graduations and it works ok for a weekend.

I’m considering just leaving him to it. AIBU to think I can’t be arsed with all that.

OP posts:

rookiemere · 04/04/2022 11:27

The ex wife may have different views of those family holidays and veto it from her perspective

whoruntheworldgirls · 04/04/2022 11:29

I'd look at all inclusive, you all get your own rooms so your own space, can meet up at the pool for meals as you see fit, hire a car for the 2 of you so you can go off and do things, the others can either sort a car themselves or get taxi's/buses. Your not a taxi service to anyone.

Swayingpalmtrees · 04/04/2022 11:40

God no, 'this is not a holiday dh, if you want to go away with your family feel free to do so, but I need a proper break from the world'

You need to be very honest op. It is not holiday, and you will likely to feel very resentful if you agree to it.

The bigger question might be why your dh wants to water down your couples holiday with so many people? There is no way it would be fun for you, can he not see that?

Enzbear · 04/04/2022 11:45

It could work on a cruise because you are catered for in every way and it's easy to escape each other for a while but any other holiday could easily turn sour.

OatmilkandCookies · 04/04/2022 12:06

If you do go with the idea, I think @angelinafibres has the most sensible suggestion - book the hotel for yourselves and share on the details, giving them responsibility to book themselves in to save any faffing about with the initial organisation.

D0lphine · 04/04/2022 12:39

I'd say yes then don't do any organising / helping / mental load.

There is a 95% chance it won't happen because your husband will be required to organise it.

If it does go ahead, just don't help with any of the organising. Turn up at the time required with your passport and bank card. Let other people do the organising. Just chill. It's his family after all not yours.

Dinoteeth · 04/04/2022 13:52

[quote JustJam4Tea]@MargosKaftan I'm not fixed on anything. But I know he had memories of taking the kids away when they were little - on big extended family holidays in villas and (I think has airbrushed away any of the details.... )

He enjoyed it and wants to do it again.[/quote]
I think there is a big difference between GPs going on a family holiday with little kids, and effectively 3 generations of adults going on holiday together.

The young adults wanting to go clubbing and then sleep half the day while the oldies are trying to get them up to go sightseeing. Meanwhile your caught in the middle trying to be peace keeper.

rookiemere · 04/04/2022 14:28

@Dinoteeth plus young adults have late night munchies and eat all provisions needed for lunch the next day and leave a crumb filled trail of detritus for someone ( guess who ?) to clear up.

Celiamary · 04/04/2022 14:48

With the Ex? hell NO
Do you know her socially. If you do talk to her. Tell her about your reluctance.

Cherrysoup · 04/04/2022 15:44

First of all, who’s paying?
Secondly, who is cooking/shopping/cleaning at the end?

Thirdly, why the hell does he want to take his ex? I find that a bit weird. He split up with her for a reason and is no longer married to her. Why involve her?

Tessabelle74 · 05/04/2022 16:26

Tell home book you all inclusive or you're staying home and he can go without you

CornishGem1975 · 05/04/2022 16:32

Sounds like my idea of hell. YANBU OP. I'd be booking my own week, far far away.

Sunnytwobridges · 05/04/2022 17:14

I would tell him to go without you, as I don't see that as a holiday, especially with the adult kids and his EX of all people.

Kittysummer · 05/04/2022 17:41

Large family holidays have never worked for me. Especially when you do not live these relatives on a day to day basis. The sunshine only helps so much!

Fluffmum · 05/04/2022 17:45

Go to a hotel only.

AngelinaFibres · 05/04/2022 17:49

@OatmilkandCookies

If you do go with the idea, I think *@angelinafibres* has the most sensible suggestion - book the hotel for yourselves and share on the details, giving them responsibility to book themselves in to save any faffing about with the initial organisation.

We did this in real life yesterday. Edinburgh Festival dates ( that suit us) decided and accommodation that suits us booked. Same with hotel in Lake district for September. Sent text out to husband's siblings to tell them what we were doing and where we were staying and inviting them to join if they wished. No faff, no owing money, no changing of dates 8 times.

whynotwhatknot · 05/04/2022 18:35

Not with an ex but we done it for a long weekend-that was enough people just want to do different things and it never works out

dont understand why his ex has to come though

BobLemon · 05/04/2022 18:40

If AI would work, I think you’d be a little bit U to be strongly opposed to it. But if it’s self catering, I think you’re safe to decide it’s not for you. Love the idea of saying “okay then dear, let me know what you sort out” and seeing what happens

Libertaire · 05/04/2022 18:45

YANBU.

A big extended family holiday sounds like a nightmare, so in your position I would either veto it or refuse to go if he decided to do it anyway. What I absolutely 100% would NOT do is agree to go then martyr myself looking after others and be miserable myself.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/04/2022 18:51

I cannot stress how very much you are not being unreasonable! This is taking what could be a lovely break and turning it into something that is the stuff of nightmares.

Christmas1988 · 05/04/2022 19:25

I’m not keen on all inclusive but in your situation I think it would be the best bet, separate rooms, all tastes catered for and no stress cleaning and making sure everyone is happy.

ThistleTits · 05/04/2022 19:30

@JustJam4Tea

Like a lot of other people we’ve not been away in a while. Couple of weekends away as a couple.

I suggested we booked a week in Spain. DH is now considering taking his parents, 20 something son, daughter, their other halves and their mum. His ex.

AIBU for thinking that won’t be a holiday.

I’m considering just leaving him to it. AIBU to think I can’t be arsed with all that.

Wtaf? Change of kitchen and supermarket. That's not a holiday. I would just about manage it as a couple, extended family... not a bloody chance.

denisehr · 05/04/2022 19:37

Thanks not a holiday. if you cant relax is not. tell him to deal with it.

TillyTopper · 05/04/2022 19:44

I'd say "Sure, great idea - as long as you are doing all the shopping and cooking otherwise it's just you and me!" And stick to it.

Iflyaway · 05/04/2022 20:10

I wouldn’t be doing the cooking or organising. Only enough to be polite.

Oh, how English...

Me? I'd be telling him to go off and enjoy it all with extended family while I stay blissfully home and have the week to myself. That would be a wonderful week off the whole domestics! Not drag it to Spain!

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