To be furious mum is alone in hospital?

[EmmaH2022]

I know I'm not
Mum is in a hospital corridor going into hour 6 after a suspected heart attack
They wouldn't let me go with her
Did they inject everyone with insanity?
She's 83.

I should be worried that she's going to die, but something about dying on a trolley gives me the RAGE. I wish I'd been here. I would never have let them take her to the hospital. I could at least have tried a private one.

No one answers the phone at the hospital obviously.

What happens if i just turn up in the morning?

@RosesAndHellebores at our hospital they do. Everyone who can be has been seconded to the wards. My manager was doing all the discharge paperwork last week to try and take the load off the very few doctors we have at the moment due to covid. We have back office support staff on rota helping patients with mealtimes. And in the meantime, those bloody excel spreadsheets do still need completing because while everyone thinks that the NHS is above scrutiny, it absolutely is not. The government-backed external organisations needing performance and outcomes data is utterly relentless. New guidelines to disseminate and implement, new recommendations to put in place especially off the back of the latest Ockenden report. That's just the tip of the iceberg of what needs to be done behind the scenes to run an acute hospital which is absolutely on its knees. We're clinically led so all of our leadership team are rightfully with patients but the hospital still needs to be properly managed and run.

YANBU. People need someone to look after them and advocate for them/ the basic truth is it’s easier for the staff of they haven’t got relatives pushing them to care for their relatives. It’s a disgrace. Covid is here to stay. What’s the point in all these vaccines if we can’t even be allowed to care for our relatives?

The situation is the same in care homes. We recently spent my Dads final weekend with him.we were told two visitors. Luckily it happened at the weekend when the manager was absent. A career gave us the code for the door and turned a blind eye. When we went to collect my dads stuff the next day. The manager came over all officious demanding only one person went in, gowned up etc, didn’t even offer condolences.. we just walked past.

I have been left with ptsd due to poor nhs care. I need help when I deal with any of them. I literally freeze. Again no flexibility meaning I have variously collapsed on the floor through sheer fear, ran away seriously illl from A&E and never been able to communicate to them, it’s. Farce an o hope someone dies the shit out of them.

@ikeairgin

My mother in law went into hospital walking and talking, she came out in a coffin. She had early dementia. This was 6 month ago - she didn't contract anything like covid in hospital. She had a minor chest infection.

When my husband went in to see her she had lost so much weight. No-one had made sure she was eating. We rang every day, often more than once but were always told that she was doing fine, although we were never able to speak to her after the second day for some reason. He always asked them to give her our love and say we were thinking of her

We sent cards/letters from the kids. Half were never delivered, the rest we got back unopened.

Her wedding and engagement rings were "lost"

We were not allowed to visit until she was unconscious and dying.

My husband trusted them, I was more sceptical. I keep my mouth shut at home, what's the point in adding to his misery, however don't let this be your elderly relative, anyone.

That’s shocking. I’m so sorry. It’s so cruel.

My mil had Alzheimer’s and died 15 years ago and her treatment was superb.
The NHS really is failing.

I live in France now and can’t believe the difference in care.
A friend of ours had nurses out to him the day he returned from hospital.

If we need to see the doctor routine appointments are usually made for 4 days ahead. And they apologise for the wait.
Rural France has a gp shortage too.
We’ve never been stopped from going into the surgery.

It’s seems that you are not allowed to say anything negative about the NHS on Mumsnet.
We have to be grateful for any level of care when actually it just isn’t good enough.
I know that some of the staff are great people but that doesn’t mean everyone is or that we should be expected to appreciate such a bad standard of care.
In so many cases covid seems to have become a blanket excuse for bad treatment.
There seems to be absolutely no thought put into the well-being of patients and their families. Being unwell enough to be admitted in hospital is scary and being treated without dignity and respect is a disgrace.
I was in hospital during the pandemic, unable to walk, in severe pain, told they were too busy to assist me to the get out of bed so I could go to the toilet which was about 10 feet away, but not too busy to stand chatting to each other. I had to have a commode instead, eventually, and they were ‘too busy’ to pull the curtain round when I had to use it most of the time. One if the nurses was upset when she witnessed how I had been treated and offered some support which I appreciated.
I cried watching the way an elderly lady with dementia was treated when she was asking for her husband. No compassion and speaking to her like she had a full understanding of the situation.
I was sent home when I was in labour because they wouldn’t believe me regarding my timed contractions, wouldn’t examine me, my baby nearly died when he was born in the car on the way back home.
Had a more positive experience with my second but that doesn’t cancel it out. It doesn’t work like that, the people who have had good experiences doesn’t mean that someone of us haven’t been treated very poorly.
I have been waiting for surgery for a ridiculous amount of time for a problem that is known to get riskier the longer it is left, had bloods done regarding this recently and was given and appointment for ‘concerns regarding blood results’ with the GP over 2 weeks after they received them, they took 2 weeks to tell me I had a problem which needed to be treated immediately. My surgery referral was ‘lost’ twice also.

I’m so sorry about the way your mum is being treated.

Go now. My DM spent 29 hours in an ambulance outside hospital in Wales before Christmas, this after 20 hours waiting for the ambulance. She was treated in the ambulance and the reason she was admitted was that she was seen by the doctor at 2.30 and the specialist discharge team that she needed to see went home at 3.30. She was admitted at about 1am. Her admission was just because of inefficiencies in the system and she didn't need to occupy that bed. I got to the hospital at 8am the next day and started hassling people, calling PALs, visiting the discharge team in person (they were astonished! But as soon as it became clear I wanted DM out they were v helpful) We got her home later that day. It was a horrific experience from which I don't think she'll ever properly recover. I really believe that if we hadn't got her home she'd still be there or dead. Go now and start hassling people.

Sues not dies, although it’s probably extremely likely people have died as a result of this policy

The NHS is a disgrace.

This makes for awful reading. Sorry to those of you having or who’ve had such a terrible time.

@chuffoff if hospitals could be trusted perhaps some of the Ockenden recommendations wouldn't be necessary. Ockenden didn't happen due to lack of resources; it happened due to incompetent and poor care- as happened in East Kent and decades ago Bristol. Does that not strike you as worse than hospital employees having to pitch in?

Like a pp, we also have a home in France. There is not much difference between GDP in the UK and France. The difference in standards is extraordinary and in France's favour.

The UK issue is that because the NHS is "free" a culture of worship has been curated where those who worknfor the NHS behave as though patients are nothing more than supplicants who should be grateful for sub optimal care.

Vive la revolution.

OP I'm sorry about your mum. You will have to be the squeaky wheel. PALS, CEO, MP. The NHS is presently behaving as though the public belong beneath their shoe.

Epsom Hospital - looking at you.

@AlternativePerspective

Tbh though as you weren’t with her it’s not reasonable for all and sundry to wander into a&e wanting to be with x or y patient.

I absolutely understand where @ TheFallenMadonna is coming from because she brought her daughter into a&e so if allowed she could have gone in with her. But you weren’t there. People having to direct relatives to patients just takes up more time that could be spent dealing with said patients.

So if someone is on their own they shouldn't be allowed to have someone come to them to support them and advocate for them?

I took DH to A&E last year and even though he's partially deaf I wasn't allowed in with him. It's ridiculous, how can someone consent to treatment when they can't hear what's being said to them.

Minor injuries was better, they did allow me to stay on the first occasion he went but not for further appointments. That was ok, he knew what to expect. I did go in with him to book in as it depended on which receptionist was on as to whether he could hear.

@ikeairgin

My mother in law went into hospital walking and talking, she came out in a coffin. She had early dementia. This was 6 month ago - she didn't contract anything like covid in hospital. She had a minor chest infection.

When my husband went in to see her she had lost so much weight. No-one had made sure she was eating. We rang every day, often more than once but were always told that she was doing fine, although we were never able to speak to her after the second day for some reason. He always asked them to give her our love and say we were thinking of her

We sent cards/letters from the kids. Half were never delivered, the rest we got back unopened.

Her wedding and engagement rings were "lost"

We were not allowed to visit until she was unconscious and dying.

My husband trusted them, I was more sceptical. I keep my mouth shut at home, what's the point in adding to his misery, however don't let this be your elderly relative, anyone.

Sometimes, quite often recently, these cases sound like not even an awful failure of care, but actually abuse. I’m so sorry.

Hope you have had some clarity overnight and your dm is ok. It is really poor standard of care to leave any patient isolated on a trolley, let alone an elderly one with a heart condition, Speak to the a and e reception (or PALS) and say you have serious concerns about the ability if your vulnerable dm to advocate for herself and you are her carer. Many hospitals are allowing one or even more to accompany patients in such circumstances.

I hope you manage to move your mum today. This is the state of the NHS now in the majority of trusts.

Is the paramedic very new? What made him hysterical? These scenes are far from new for experienced paramedics. The corridor queues, the queues outside a&e, the waiting in ambulances outside a&e and long wait times seems to of been blamed on covid but it’s been happening for at least 15 years in most trusts.

Only the no visitors is new due to covid but this is beginning to improve in some places.

my grandfather died on a hospital trolley
my own dm was distraught

@AlternativePerspective

As another poster said though, COVID is rife at the moment, and the less people who are exposing staff to it, the better.

Added to which, everyone who attends a&e has to take a covid test. Should they extend that to the friends and relatives as well? What happens if one of them tests positive? If it’s a patient they can be isolated, and precautions can be taken wrt the ambulance staff being aware etc, that’s the nature of the job.

But staff shouldn’t be being exposed through people who don’t need to be there.

Why doesn’t your dM have a mobile phone?

If she does and she’s not called, then you have no idea whether she’s actually on a trolley or whether she’s been taken into resus etc.

Victim blaming much??? You have to work for the NHS.

Everyone I know who works for the NHS is going to pubs, out for meals, to the supermarket, etc etc. why are they only concerned about being exposed to covid by patients relatives at work? It’s ridiculous, cruel, dangerous and likely to lead to physical and mental suffering for patients and their families.

nb my grandfather died 45 years ago

I feel your pain. Last week my dad was taken to a and e for a suspected stroke. Noone could go with him and he can't be visited. It turned out to be a very serious brain bleed and the Dr called that night night to give us the "be prepared talk" . We were devastated but he has amazingly for an 86 yr old pulled through. Then it becomes awful, after the chat we were given numbers for the ward. We called the numbers 13 times in one day, all at different points to avoid rounds, meals etc but no joy. At this point we aren't sure if he is alive or not. After 52 years of being together this is just beyond awful for my mum. Eventually she has found she can get someone to answer at 11pm.
We understand the covid restrictions and the pressure on the wards due to staff being off too but in all honesty it is difficult to defend the lack of humanity with regards to contact. An email sent in the morning to let us know if he was still alive and had an ok night would have made such a difference. A hospital volunteer could even do it. A time slot for relatives to call for a ten minute slot to speak to the patient would be amazing.
Best of luck with your mum. I hope she pulls through and is well again soon.

I’m so sorry for you OP.

We had similar earlier in the year. My dad is physically disabled and when he was taken to a and e, my mother, his carer, was not allowed in with him. He was left alone in a side room for hours. No call button, food or water and no ability to get them for himself.

I understand covid rules are applied, but there does need to be some leniency for the disabled or elderly. They wouldn’t have a small child left on their own, and really there is no difference between a small child and an adult who requires a carer for whatever reason (physical or mental disability or advanced age).

turn up op
if they wont let you in the reception desk may have the correct number to ring - well they Should have the right number - badger them

Just go in and say your are her carer. I've had my mum die in hospital last year and my dad in and out of hospital (not London, but UK) for the last 2 years and I was never once not allowed in. I stood my ground and insisted

My MIL was admitted following a fall a couple of months ago. 12 hour wait for an ambulance. 20 hours in the ambulance waiting outside A and e. Three days on a trolley in a corridor. It took 7 days from arriving at A and E to admission to a ward.

My mother (nearly 90) was in hospital recently and if my cousin hadn't been a member of staff she wouldn't have had any visitors in the two weeks she was there. It's inhumane.

It's not the front line staff causing the problems in the NHS. It's the ranks of beaurocrats who spend ther time finding "creative" ways around rules,targets and pathways created by civil servants working to a business model. Fine example ...all patients must be seen within a certain time of arriving at the emergency department. "Solution" 1 . Introduce triage system , patients seen relatively quickly , basic observations done. Box ticked. But....queue for triage starts to become more difficult to manage, patients begin to breach guidelines before being seen at all. "Solution" 2. Don't let ambulance patients cross the threshold until they can be seen by triage. Result, ambulances queued outside emergency departments unavailable for use in new emergencies