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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious mum is alone in hospital?

290 replies

EmmaH2022 · 04/04/2022 00:15

I know I'm not
Mum is in a hospital corridor going into hour 6 after a suspected heart attack
They wouldn't let me go with her
Did they inject everyone with insanity?
She's 83.

I should be worried that she's going to die, but something about dying on a trolley gives me the RAGE. I wish I'd been here. I would never have let them take her to the hospital. I could at least have tried a private one.

No one answers the phone at the hospital obviously.

What happens if i just turn up in the morning?

OP posts:
Original poster
EmmaH2022 · 04/04/2022 06:08

@TheFallenMadonna

I just want to be with her. She was very seriously ill last year and hospitals are upsetting for her (and me, but I'd rather be in there than the car park..)
I understand Is she able to text etc?
OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 04/04/2022 06:14

Tbh though as you weren’t with her it’s not reasonable for all and sundry to wander into a&e wanting to be with x or y patient.

I absolutely understand where @ TheFallenMadonna is coming from because she brought her daughter into a&e so if allowed she could have gone in with her. But you weren’t there. People having to direct relatives to patients just takes up more time that could be spent dealing with said patients.

Original poster
EmmaH2022 · 04/04/2022 06:16

@AlternativePerspective

Tbh though as you weren’t with her it’s not reasonable for all and sundry to wander into a&e wanting to be with x or y patient.

I absolutely understand where @ TheFallenMadonna is coming from because she brought her daughter into a&e so if allowed she could have gone in with her. But you weren’t there. People having to direct relatives to patients just takes up more time that could be spent dealing with said patients.

The person with her wasn't allowed to accompany her either.
OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 04/04/2022 06:22

As another poster said though, COVID is rife at the moment, and the less people who are exposing staff to it, the better.

Added to which, everyone who attends a&e has to take a covid test. Should they extend that to the friends and relatives as well? What happens if one of them tests positive? If it’s a patient they can be isolated, and precautions can be taken wrt the ambulance staff being aware etc, that’s the nature of the job.

But staff shouldn’t be being exposed through people who don’t need to be there.

Why doesn’t your dM have a mobile phone?

If she does and she’s not called, then you have no idea whether she’s actually on a trolley or whether she’s been taken into resus etc.

Onlyhuman123 · 04/04/2022 06:27

Like someone send up there ^^ it was the way my poor mum seemed to be a mystery to the consultants and nurses so 'we'll try this; we'll try that...hmm oh we've made you even worse now cos you've picked up a strap bacterial infection that's seeded in your spine and you're now doubly incontinent and have no use of your legs...hmmm....nothing else we can do for you I'm afraid....off you pop'
So someone, somewhere due to not washing hands or equipment when doing canula or her biopsy has now ruined my lovely mums life but they're living their best. Fucks me right off. They booted her out to a care home as they didn't know what else to do experiment wise...I constantly badgered social services so we do now have her home for end of life care. We were told 2 months tops...she's getting stronger every day and we're now 4 months down the line. So yeah, I'm raging at the NHS too right now.
OP I do hope you are able to sort/see your mum this morning. 🙏

Original poster
EmmaH2022 · 04/04/2022 06:27

alternative, You sound very ...not sure what the word is.

Mum has her phone with her as her friend made sure she took it. But she's too ill and wobbly to use it. The paramedic told me she was still on a trolley just before I posted. It was very kind of him to call.

He sounded a bit hysterical tbh. Not show how much longer these lovely staff will cope.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmmaH2022 · 04/04/2022 06:32

@Onlyhuman123

Like someone send up there ^^ it was the way my poor mum seemed to be a mystery to the consultants and nurses so 'we'll try this; we'll try that...hmm oh we've made you even worse now cos you've picked up a strap bacterial infection that's seeded in your spine and you're now doubly incontinent and have no use of your legs...hmmm....nothing else we can do for you I'm afraid....off you pop' So someone, somewhere due to not washing hands or equipment when doing canula or her biopsy has now ruined my lovely mums life but they're living their best. Fucks me right off. They booted her out to a care home as they didn't know what else to do experiment wise...I constantly badgered social services so we do now have her home for end of life care. We were told 2 months tops...she's getting stronger every day and we're now 4 months down the line. So yeah, I'm raging at the NHS too right now. OP I do hope you are able to sort/see your mum this morning. 🙏
Sorry to hear you had this too. Your mum getting stronger at home is very telling.
OP posts:
mellongoose · 04/04/2022 06:37

My hospital is desperate for the Gov to relax the Covid infection control guidance. They would like only to test symptomatic patients on entry not everyone.

They have total faith in the vaccine and the infection control is wasting vital bed space.

MintJulia · 04/04/2022 06:40

I'm sorry your mum is poorly and I know it's just your worry & frustration talking but berating the NHS isn't fair.

I'm sure by now, she will have been admitted to a ward and had a few hours sleep under obs. Hopefully she will be discharged this morning. Flowers

Make sure she has her mobile with her in future so she can text and let you know she is ok.

aramox1 · 04/04/2022 06:41

Sorry OP. It's paralysing. Can you ring the hospital and enquire?

Pawtriarchal · 04/04/2022 06:43

@AlternativePerspective

Tbh though as you weren’t with her it’s not reasonable for all and sundry to wander into a&e wanting to be with x or y patient.

I absolutely understand where @ TheFallenMadonna is coming from because she brought her daughter into a&e so if allowed she could have gone in with her. But you weren’t there. People having to direct relatives to patients just takes up more time that could be spent dealing with said patients.

Her daughter. Not ‘all and sundry.’
yellowblanketban · 04/04/2022 06:43

@mellongoose

My hospital is desperate for the Gov to relax the Covid infection control guidance. They would like only to test symptomatic patients on entry not everyone.

They have total faith in the vaccine and the infection control is wasting vital bed space.

Us too. Our entire hospital has ground to a halt and half the wards are full of incidental positives and contacts - wards all shut and can't discharge to care homes. There's zero through put in hospitals now due to the huge volume of covid. Staff all off with it so no one to work and really unsafe working environments. The people who suffer are the people wanting to come in the front door - there's no room for anyone.

But this is the reality of 'living with covid'. For many life has gone back to normal but not if you need access to healthcare. This isn't really about money, it's covid.

SpringRainbow · 04/04/2022 06:46

The problem is we have the NHS trying to eliminate Covid, and the community where Covid is allowed to spread freely.

It’s not sustainable and something is going to have to give really as the current situation is not fair on staff, patients, or family.

Twentypast · 04/04/2022 06:51

I'm so sorry OP. We had similar recently with my mum. Taken to hospital by ambulance. I was about to follow but they said not to bother as I wouldn't be allowed in. I then spent the next 36 hours trying to find out what was happening. Everytime I called I was told she would shortly be seen by a Dr and to call back in 4 hours.

The 5th time I called, I was told off for calling too often. When I replied "will someone call me then?", she said "no you have to call us".

No one cared that we were being given zero information. I didn't know if my mother was dying or recovering. It's an appalling situation.

Merrymouse · 04/04/2022 06:57

I'm sorry your mum is poorly and I know it's just your worry & frustration talking but berating the NHS isn't fair.

Berating the NHS is absolutely fair. It’s an organisation just like any other that must be open to criticism.

A patient lying in a corridor frightened is not receiving adequate care. Whether the reason is lack of resources or poor management or Covid, its necessary to criticise to address the problem.

In the cold light of day, dancing nurses at the Olympics and rainbow posters may have done more harm to the NHS than anything done by a health minister, because we are conditioned to expect care from heroes and angels doing their best out of the goodness of their hearts (it would be rude to pay an angel), not a functioning healthcare system.

DrDreReturns · 04/04/2022 07:01

The 5th time I called, I was told off for calling too often. When I replied "will someone call me then?", she said "no you have to call us".

The NHS needs to realise it is there for the patients and their families. It is not 'customer' orientated enough. I bet no thought goes into the patient experience.

I need a very minor op. When I spoke to the GP he said to phone back if I hadn't had an appointment letter in four weeks time. Its three weeks and I've heard nothing. Why can't there be an online portal where you can check the status of your appointments / treatment, you know, like every other organisation in this day and age? Instead of relying on post for everything.

iloveeverykindofcat · 04/04/2022 07:03

I so feel for you OP. I'm forever grateful to the NHS for saving my life after an accident a few years ago but they really ought to make an exception for a person in their 80s. I dread my mum getting ill. Thankfully she's in rude health for now but we had a scare a while ago where symptom could have been something nasty (it wasn't) and my mind was all over the place with what care she could get. Crossing my fingers you get to be with her soon. Somehow.

RosesAndHellebores · 04/04/2022 07:04

I agree with Merrymouse. I have always wondered why, if Dr's and nurses are too busy to communicate, the managers can't be seconded from excel spreadsheets and writing endless board papers implying every hospital is fandabbydozy to do something useful. They could even make people the odd cup of tea.

ikeairgin · 04/04/2022 07:14

My mother in law went into hospital walking and talking, she came out in a coffin. She had early dementia. This was 6 month ago - she didn't contract anything like covid in hospital. She had a minor chest infection.

When my husband went in to see her she had lost so much weight. No-one had made sure she was eating. We rang every day, often more than once but were always told that she was doing fine, although we were never able to speak to her after the second day for some reason. He always asked them to give her our love and say we were thinking of her

We sent cards/letters from the kids. Half were never delivered, the rest we got back unopened.

Her wedding and engagement rings were "lost"

We were not allowed to visit until she was unconscious and dying.

My husband trusted them, I was more sceptical. I keep my mouth shut at home, what's the point in adding to his misery, however don't let this be your elderly relative, anyone.

Mumsgirls · 04/04/2022 07:17

You have my sympathy. You have my utmost sympathy. My heart breaks when I see this inhumanity going on.
Our beloved Dad endured the same, we had to see our beloved Dad carted off without us. He endured weeks afraid and alone and we were only allowed to see him at the end. By that time he was unconscious.
He was old and had to die some day, but we all suffered at this treatment. To see others going through this, when covid is so mild and families still being traumatised is dreadful. Freedoms are taken away at lightening speed yet very slowly returned if at all.perhaps we should all be on at our mps sornthis . Enough is enough

RosesAndHellebores · 04/04/2022 07:17

Anyone concerned about a relative in hospital should write to their mp and copy the chief executive.

RosesAndHellebores · 04/04/2022 07:19

It would help nicely.ppsters ft theyncould name their hospitals where this has happened.

Onlyhuman123 · 04/04/2022 07:19

@ikeairgin

My mother in law went into hospital walking and talking, she came out in a coffin. She had early dementia. This was 6 month ago - she didn't contract anything like covid in hospital. She had a minor chest infection.

When my husband went in to see her she had lost so much weight. No-one had made sure she was eating. We rang every day, often more than once but were always told that she was doing fine, although we were never able to speak to her after the second day for some reason. He always asked them to give her our love and say we were thinking of her

We sent cards/letters from the kids. Half were never delivered, the rest we got back unopened.

Her wedding and engagement rings were "lost"

We were not allowed to visit until she was unconscious and dying.

My husband trusted them, I was more sceptical. I keep my mouth shut at home, what's the point in adding to his misery, however don't let this be your elderly relative, anyone.

Similar experience. Just shocking. So sorry for your DH and family. Makes the fact of a loved one passing utterly dreadful, as if you can't feel worse, somehow someone manages to.
Witchesbelazy · 04/04/2022 07:19

Honestly Im sick of hearing covid is rife it will always be rife patient care needs to get back to standard now and that includes them having someone they know there to comfort them and assist with drinks and food.

Electriq · 04/04/2022 07:20

As frustrating as it is OP, if they suspect a heart attack, she is better where she is than at home alone.

Im in London too, and recently waited 7hrs in a&e but the staff were still amazing.

I hope your mum recovers quickly.