‘Look at you, you’re worth nothing’

[Whatsbooba]

Dp has just looked me up and down and said this nastily to me during an argument.
How would you react?

I think the nasty words came out today because he drank, not much though. He’s only nice when stoned

@youvegottenminuteslynn You’re right. I’ve managed to keep it from her and always put a face on for her, but I realise the older she gets, the more she’ll see. Practicality wise, it’s hard for me to leave, very hard

No, they came out because that's how he feels about you. Contempt. Absolute contempt for you.

He's 'nice' when he's high.

He's not nice the rest of the time.

He's cruel when he's drunk.

This (an abusive home where drugs are being consumed) is not a suitable environment for a child to be growing up in and will be damaging when it comes to their perception of relationships and male / female dynamics as I'm assuming this Prince among men does fuck all cooking, cleaning and childcare?

Yes, this is abuse. It's a pattern, it has gone on over some time, and the aim is to make you feel terrible about yourself.

Telling you he will take DD away from you is horrific and chilling.

You mention the extra weight you are carrying around. It's not four stone. It's him.

You are conscious of the weight because he is hacking away at your self esteem. Maybe somewhere deep down you think if you could lose it things would be different. Maybe you believe there is something about you that makes his contempt for you inevitable.

None of what he is doing is about you.
You can't control it.
You didn't cause it.
You can't cure it.

An abuser's life and thoughts and speech are all about him. His anger. His deep self hatred. His own twisted nature.

Call Women's Aid for help and advice about leaving the relationship. You need to take both yourself and your toddler away from this angry, loathsome 'man'.

0808 2000 247 is WA number.

Call and leave a message, or you can go to their website and find the email address where you can send an email with details of the abuse you are suffering. They will call back - give a day and time when it's safe to have a conversation.

But how am I nothing, in what way?

[quote Whatsbooba]@youvegottenminuteslynn You’re right. I’ve managed to keep it from her and always put a face on for her, but I realise the older she gets, the more she’ll see. Practicality wise, it’s hard for me to leave, very hard[/quote]
Is this due to finances? There are lots of people on here who can direct you to appropriate resources if you share some of the barriers you're concerned about.

A great first start would be Women's Aid. Does he work and if so can you ring them tomorrow whenever he's out of the house?

Please leave him OP, will he bollocks get 100% custody. He won't even want it, he says it to stop you leaving. A man that shouts at a sick child is not going to be a full time single parent.

He's disgusting, he's the worthless one.

@Whatsbooba

But how am I nothing, in what way?

In NO way.

He’s a piece of shit.

What are the obstacles to you leaving him? Money?

You need to get away from him urgently.

What are the barriers to you leaving? Perhaps we can reassure you it can be done or signpost you to some sites/support groups etc.

Do I really need women’s aid for him saying that?

Please leave OP,

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

@Whatsbooba

But how am I nothing, in what way?

You aren't nothing.

If he called you a cunt, or a unicorn, it wouldn't make you either of those things.

He said it because he either wanted to make you feel utterly worthless or he genuinely believes you are. Or both.

Either way it's completely unacceptable and with the other info you've shared this relationship is abusive and one you need to be planning an exit from.

Especially if he has to be high to be 'nice' to you. He's pathetic. He's made you feel pathetic so that you'll be compliant. He's wrong. You are not pathetic. You need to do a really brave thing and get you and your child free by ending the relationship.

But you need to do it safely by speaking to people like women's aid.

Has he alienated you from your friends and family yet? Stopped you working? Or made you bear the financial burden while he smokes weed and you worry about covering bills?

I’m abroad, no family around, I’m not working at present, although always have in the past. I’m screwed.
No one would guess these things were being said, most people like him

@Whatsbooba

But how am I nothing, in what way?

What he said didn’t make sense, so it can’t be true. It’s a sentence designed to make you feel as though you’re worthless.

You’re not worthless though, you are worth a hundred times more than he is, for starters.

@Whatsbooba

Do I really need women’s aid for him saying that?

The reason to call them is to discuss the relationship and get an objective viewpoint on it so you don't think you're overreacting. So you don't second guessing your instincts.

Also, most importantly, so they can provide advice and support.

No he wouldn’t alienate from friends and family or stop me working etc, isn’t actually that sort of situation, he just so nasty with his words, it’s awful.

Just make a plan, end the relationship. If he doesn't even like you then he should fuck off.

@Whatsbooba

Do I really need women’s aid for him saying that?

Yes. Because what he said is part of a pattern. Nice loving partners just don’t say things like that OP, not ever. Even once is enough to know that this man is horrible.

You say you are abroad. Has home always been outside the UK or have you moved abroad?

You're not nothing.

Please end this abusive relationship. You say you feel low. You will be much better off when it's just you and your daughter.

They all always say that the mum is 'mental'. They say they want full custody. Then they disappear in to the dust.

You've always worked before which is great as it means you have skills and experience. That's fab.

Can you start looking into finding some work wherever you are? It will grow your confidence as well as independence.

Is it a Hague Convention country and are you due to be there for long? No need to be specific obviously, it just helps people provide the most useful links and advice

@passportpanics I don’t understand where that sentence came from though? To jump to that so quickly, I don’t understand in what way I’m worth nothing 🤷🏻‍♀️I have a degree, always worked hard, now at home with Dd, do everything for her and put my heart into it all. I was stood there, in my pyjamas after spending hours sorting out our wardrobes and his clothes aswell as mine and I just felt so disgusting and fat and horrible

@passportpanics Moved abroad, home is the U.K.

*He’s just so nasty with his words

Honestly?

I would find every single unattractive feature in him and tell him how ugly/disgusting he was as a person and that he was dreaming if he thought I was unworthy.

And then leave him.

Sounds like an insecure Twat with a small penis.

[quote Whatsbooba]@passportpanics I don’t understand where that sentence came from though? To jump to that so quickly, I don’t understand in what way I’m worth nothing 🤷🏻‍♀️I have a degree, always worked hard, now at home with Dd, do everything for her and put my heart into it all. I was stood there, in my pyjamas after spending hours sorting out our wardrobes and his clothes aswell as mine and I just felt so disgusting and fat and horrible[/quote]
This is good - you KNOW you have value. You sound like a great and accomplished and nice person.

So don't you think that rather than there being any truth to what he said (even in his own mind) that it's far more likely he said something cruel, designed specifically to hurt and belittle you? That seems like the most likely reason he said it.

Because he's a bully. An abusive bully you shouldn't be in a relationship with.