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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was totally inappropriate parenting?

490 replies

eggstremereaction · 03/04/2022 15:55

Couldn't resist the username opportunity whilst name changing but genuinely upset about what happened

2 year old had a kinder egg as a treat, had spent hours going on about it, was very excited, literally shaking and stamping his feet when the lady in the shop passed it to him at the tills (yes over reaction but he is little) anyway I don't let him open until we get gone and he's very good doesn't try and open it the car, keeps saying "I excited" and giggling, was very cute and dh and me were both laughing finding it cute

Got home, I went and got a bowl to put it in, gave it to toddler, he was happy and took it into the lounge and broke it up in the bowl. Came running in with the toy asking me to open it which I did but doing so left dog unattended around egg which he'd left on the sofa so he went running back in to eat it and it was gone and he was hysterical, so upset. I thought it was fair enough, he's two! He was excited. Yes it's only a chocolate egg but he's tiny and isn't going to react like an adult would. Dh said it was ridiculous, huge overeaction, started saying his excitement in the first place was too intense for chocolate, unhealthy reaction blah blah blah. I went to go back in the car and get him another one, shops only 5 mins and it was like 60p it doesn't matter and it'll make him happy and dh said if I dare go get him an egg I am completely undermining his parenting. So toddler just kept crying. He was saying he was sad and wanted an egg, in the end I said to dh I'm just going to get one and I jumped in the car.

Got back and could hear screaming from the driveway. Toddler was in his room (behind closed stair gate) dh saying you can come out when you stop crying. Pathetic it's an egg. I went and got toddler and took him downstairs and gave him his egg and said it is completely ok to be upset, he's not in any trouble and to just be very careful to not leave food around the dog so this doesn't happen again as I won't always be able to go get a replacement. Dh really annoyed that I undermined him and said I'm too soft and he's going to be a spoilt entitled boy. He just wanted a bloody kinder egg.

Was I unreasonable or was this really inappropriate on his part?

OP posts:
Flake123 · 03/04/2022 22:20

I’m feeling so sorry for your little boy tonight! 🥲

My partner’s head would roll if I came home and discovered my DS had been locked away until he stopped crying.

I think you need to lay it on thick how this isn’t acceptable. And none of the bull about undermining, being soft etc and how your not gonna listen to this for the next what 35 years from him, it’s clear as day he had parents who punished him too much as a child as he’s now jealous of any kindness you quite rightly showed your child!

Lastly, I don’t think a 2 year old should have the accountability for preventing a dog from eating their food. You as an adult should be accountable for that. Put your dog away from your child when they have food.

RachelGreeneGreep · 03/04/2022 22:20

Is he usually as nasty as that to the child?

That to me, is bullying behaviour, the big I AM lording over it a small child who was naturally upset by what happened. Too young to realise the dog could easily take it, while he was showing you the toy, all excited.

Despicable behaviour on the part of that man.

whynotwhatknot · 03/04/2022 22:21

id shit a brick if someone or dog ate my egg

how does dh justify calling him pathetic hes 2

Wingingthis · 03/04/2022 22:23

Poor baby 🥺 I’d be upset if a dog ate my chocolate! As an adult you can control your upset emotions enough to obviously not cry, but a 2 year old!
And I would buy myself some more! You did the right thing

stimpyyouidiot · 03/04/2022 22:26

If this happened in my house my h would be the one going out and getting dc a new egg because he would be sad for them! Your h is horrible. Poor kid.

HorribleDryHair · 03/04/2022 22:33

Don't know which is the AIBU but you were in the right and your husband sounds like a pig. Imagine calling a 2 year old pathetic. Such a horrible thing to say. Does he know much about children? Like does he have any older children (haven't rtft) or nieces, nephews or younger siblings even? A lot of parents (mostly dads) who act like this don't understand how little children think / see the world that is why they get so frustrated with them.

Dh really annoyed that I undermined him and said I'm too soft and he's going to be a spoilt entitled boy. not gonna lie this is a massive red flag Sad

And i can't think of any circumstances where a child (let alone a toddler) should be locked in their room because they are crying 💔

Nomoresmoresthensnores · 03/04/2022 22:34

There's 17 pages of people in shock here. And I can see why. It's not about the egg.
This is really the most miserable thing I've read in a long while because behind a very simple story is perhaps something more.
For a start... who made a toddler wait until they got home to eat a kinder egg?! That's pretty controlling right there. No wonder they were so excited. Sounds like the event of their life.
How miserable and controlling.
I think we know there's a lot more going on here. Most dad's and mum's would have their coats on and be back down the shop.
I still can't understand why you had to make such a big deal of getting home etc. Couldn't he have just had it while out? Or is that a control thing for your husband too. He's not a nice person.

StoppinBy · 03/04/2022 22:37

I would have replaced the chocolate too.... I love how your toddler reacted with such excitement to getting it in the first place... so cute!

Theobromine is the chemical in chocolate that harms dogs, the darker the chocolate the more it contains. Kinder Surprises are half white chocolate and half milk chocolate, your dog will be fine and all the hysterical people are being ridiculous.

I used to work as a vet nurse, the advice would have been 'keep an eye on your dog but they should be just fine - keep the chocolate up now you know you have a chocolate loving dog' - end of story.

StoppinBy · 03/04/2022 22:39

@Nomoresmoresthensnores

There's 17 pages of people in shock here. And I can see why. It's not about the egg. This is really the most miserable thing I've read in a long while because behind a very simple story is perhaps something more. For a start... who made a toddler wait until they got home to eat a kinder egg?! That's pretty controlling right there. No wonder they were so excited. Sounds like the event of their life. How miserable and controlling. I think we know there's a lot more going on here. Most dad's and mum's would have their coats on and be back down the shop. I still can't understand why you had to make such a big deal of getting home etc. Couldn't he have just had it while out? Or is that a control thing for your husband too. He's not a nice person.
I would make my kid wait.... kids make a darn mess with chocolate and I don't want that in the car. It wont hurt them to wait and saves me a whole lot of mess to clean up.

Controlling my arse.

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/04/2022 22:41

He is controlling, and a nasty abusive piece of shit to treat your kid like that.

Hateful.

ArcheryAnnie · 03/04/2022 22:43

Your H is being an absolute dick as your DS is just still a wee baby, of course he's excited about small inconsequential things. The idea of punishing him for being upset is just horrible, really awful.

However, you are mad for doing a car drive, even a short one, to buy another kinder egg. Just find him a biscuit or something, and give him a cuddle. Toddler overreaction blows over quite quickly, and doesn't even follow logic - your DS could easily just have pushed the new egg away as it wasn't the egg that got eaten. You overreacted too.

imisscashmere · 03/04/2022 22:43

Please don’t leave your toddler alone with a dog, ever, ESPECIALLY if there’s food around.

ArcheryAnnie · 03/04/2022 22:45

@TheGrinchsDog

Your 'D'H was calling your 2yo pathetic? Really, really awful!

My dad used to call us pathetic or useless frequently. It's really damaging obviously.

Your 2yo sounds really lovely and very cute! Your DH not so much.

Flowers

Agree entirely with this, too. Calling a 2 year old "pathetic" really steps over any reasonable line.
Squiff70 · 03/04/2022 22:49

@Nomoresmoresthensnores

There's 17 pages of people in shock here. And I can see why. It's not about the egg. This is really the most miserable thing I've read in a long while because behind a very simple story is perhaps something more. For a start... who made a toddler wait until they got home to eat a kinder egg?! That's pretty controlling right there. No wonder they were so excited. Sounds like the event of their life. How miserable and controlling. I think we know there's a lot more going on here. Most dad's and mum's would have their coats on and be back down the shop. I still can't understand why you had to make such a big deal of getting home etc. Couldn't he have just had it while out? Or is that a control thing for your husband too. He's not a nice person.
What bollocks! You've clearly never given a toddler chocolate in the car! It makes perfect sense to ask the child to wait for a few minutes until they get home rather than have to spend 45 minutes cleaning melted, sticky chocolate handprints off a child's car seat and everything within range. Also, a young child should not be eating anything unless supervised closely due to the risk of choking so eating on the journey home is a big no-no. Asking even a two year old to wait a few minutes until they get home also teaches them patience. It's not harsh or controlling in the slightest. Sheesh!
TheGrinchsDog · 03/04/2022 22:54

All of the H behaviour stepped way over the reasonable line for me @ArcheryAnnie but this really stood out as particularly horrible.

It's a contemptuous and thoroughly nasty way of referring to the subject of your ire. I remember how it made me feel and just - urgh I have no words about it being used towards an upset 2-2!-yo.

Makes me want to cry a bit if I'm honest.

I mean what kind of person thinks that's an ok way to treat and speak to a toddler?

ArcheryAnnie · 03/04/2022 22:56

All of the H behaviour stepped way over the reasonable line for me

Also true, TheGrincsDog!

TheGrinchsDog · 03/04/2022 22:58

I mean really think about it, pathetic! Just how someone feels when they describe something or someone as pathetic. It's really horrible. And he's using it towards his son! Not only that, his 2 year old son!

I feel really sorry for the OP and the wee boy.

TheGrinchsDog · 03/04/2022 23:03

@eggstremereaction Me and my older siblings all grew up terrified of our withholding, shouty, controlling and nasty father btw. He just had to clear his throat in the end and we'd all shit ourselves in case it meant round 1 was beginning.

You sound like a lovely and caring mum.

AdultingInTheCountryside · 03/04/2022 23:03

Your husband is a prick and is forgetting he is 2 wtf. Tell him to read gentle parenting by Sarah Ockwell Smith. He’s parenting your child the way he was and it isn’t right. He should be ashamed!

FrankLeeSpeaking · 03/04/2022 23:05

Your husband is a dickhead.

Uafasach · 03/04/2022 23:07

Why was dc going on about the egg for hours? Were you and DH winding him up about it? I hate when people do that to children and act as if something as measly as a kinder egg is the event of his life. When children are that over excited, it's always going to end in tears in some capacity.

You were both completely unreasonable and irresponsible to leave dc and the dog alone to eat the egg. Your DH raged at his child for both your parenting mistakes and for that he was completely unreasonable.

Hollywolly1 · 03/04/2022 23:10

I would've driven 50 miles to replace it, he only 2 yrs old.your husband is wrong but I think you should have brought your child with you when you knew how your husband was reacting

timeisnotaline · 03/04/2022 23:10

Wow, someone needs to snatch your dhs beer, pour it down the sink, and when he says wtf shout GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW. That’s bloody awful parenting. Poor toddler.

ArrrMeHearties · 03/04/2022 23:17

Take a favourite thing off your arsehole of a DH and tell him that he's overreacting... His reaction will be different because it's happening to him and not his innocent 2yo son

Squiff70 · 03/04/2022 23:19

Will people stop bringing up the opinion that a tiny child shouldn't be that excited about a Kinder Egg? That's not even important in the context of the OP, but since a few people have mentioned this being "the event of his life" you are clearly not thinking this through. A Kinder Egg is both chocolate AND a toy, aimed at children. It's totally normal for a very young child to be super excited about something they don't commonly have. If the child had treats ALL the time, they wouldn't be treats any more and you could then argue that the child was being "spoiled" (a term I hate, fwiw). There's nothing wrong with treating a child occasionally. Treats too often are not good, and even if it was his very first Kinder Egg then all the more reasonable for him to be excited about the new experience and not knowing what toy might be in the egg. I appreciate everyone has had different upbringings and different ideas of what is and what isn't acceptable when it comes to parenting bur really, less judgement and more support and reasoning wouldn't go amiss here.