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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was totally inappropriate parenting?

490 replies

eggstremereaction · 03/04/2022 15:55

Couldn't resist the username opportunity whilst name changing but genuinely upset about what happened

2 year old had a kinder egg as a treat, had spent hours going on about it, was very excited, literally shaking and stamping his feet when the lady in the shop passed it to him at the tills (yes over reaction but he is little) anyway I don't let him open until we get gone and he's very good doesn't try and open it the car, keeps saying "I excited" and giggling, was very cute and dh and me were both laughing finding it cute

Got home, I went and got a bowl to put it in, gave it to toddler, he was happy and took it into the lounge and broke it up in the bowl. Came running in with the toy asking me to open it which I did but doing so left dog unattended around egg which he'd left on the sofa so he went running back in to eat it and it was gone and he was hysterical, so upset. I thought it was fair enough, he's two! He was excited. Yes it's only a chocolate egg but he's tiny and isn't going to react like an adult would. Dh said it was ridiculous, huge overeaction, started saying his excitement in the first place was too intense for chocolate, unhealthy reaction blah blah blah. I went to go back in the car and get him another one, shops only 5 mins and it was like 60p it doesn't matter and it'll make him happy and dh said if I dare go get him an egg I am completely undermining his parenting. So toddler just kept crying. He was saying he was sad and wanted an egg, in the end I said to dh I'm just going to get one and I jumped in the car.

Got back and could hear screaming from the driveway. Toddler was in his room (behind closed stair gate) dh saying you can come out when you stop crying. Pathetic it's an egg. I went and got toddler and took him downstairs and gave him his egg and said it is completely ok to be upset, he's not in any trouble and to just be very careful to not leave food around the dog so this doesn't happen again as I won't always be able to go get a replacement. Dh really annoyed that I undermined him and said I'm too soft and he's going to be a spoilt entitled boy. He just wanted a bloody kinder egg.

Was I unreasonable or was this really inappropriate on his part?

OP posts:
avocadotofu · 03/04/2022 20:51

I'm absolutely with you on this on. Your husband sounds horrible and controlling. It's worrying that he didn't care about a tiny child being upset. I'd be really cross if my husband ever did that. I think he needs to understand a 2 year olds brain development and parenting in the. 21 century generally.

curlymom · 03/04/2022 20:52

@Bignanny30

I’m disgusted by the amount of people who seem concerned about the dog, when this poor child was traumatised by your selfish husband.
Some people like dogs and children! Pointless comment
Happyhappyday · 03/04/2022 20:52

Honestly both of you were not great. Toddler needs to understand sometimes sad things happen, still have you, how about we have other nice treat etc and we don’t always get what we want. I would not have gone to get another. Also not reasonable of your husband to just shut the kid up, need to help kid understand it is just an egg but it’s ok to have feelings about it, appropriate ways to show it etc.

gonetogroundnow · 03/04/2022 20:52

Your DH is an arsehole. I have a two year old and they're so precious at that age, I'd have done the same in your shoes!

The dog should be fine, kinder has a low cocoa content, hopefully he left the wrapper!

TheVolturi · 03/04/2022 20:54

Your dh is being a dick BUT I read that kinder eggs have been recalled due to salmonella just at you're aware, only certain batches apparently.

Girlonit · 03/04/2022 20:54

I wouldn’t call going back out in the car to just buy a kinder egg a easy fix @stuntbubbles. Also I don’t think the OP was that clear really. How long was the DS upset for? While I don’t think her DH handled things well at all, I think his initial don’t go out to buy one was correct and I’d have said that to my Dp if we were in that situation.

I do wonder if some other posters have got it right in that you’ve got one parent giving in vert quickly and the other feeling they’ve to be overly strict to compensate. Not good on either part, bad cop/good cop doesn’t work with children!

PinkSyCo · 03/04/2022 20:55

I’m really anti spoiling children, but I feel desperately sorry for your DS. He’s only 2 ffs, and was already really upset about losing his egg, (which was yours and your husband’s fault-you need to be much more careful when you have a dog!) and for your DH to make his distress much worse by locking him in his room-for the crime of being upset- is heartbreaking. It might sound far fetched but I would consider leaving such a bully of a husband if I were you.

OldWivesTale · 03/04/2022 20:56

Imagine if you dh had been looking forward all day to a nice bottle of wine after work and then he accidentally knocked it over - would he say, oh well, that's taught me a lesson, I'll just go without tonight? Would he fuck. He'd be straight back to the shop to get another one. Why do some adults expect babies and children to behave with more self control than an adult would have.

cravingmilkshake · 03/04/2022 20:58

@Fritilleries

I know it's random but 60p for a Kinder Egg? Whereabouts are you?
GrinGrin Lmao
Jannt86 · 03/04/2022 21:01

@Happyhappyday

Honestly both of you were not great. Toddler needs to understand sometimes sad things happen, still have you, how about we have other nice treat etc and we don’t always get what we want. I would not have gone to get another. Also not reasonable of your husband to just shut the kid up, need to help kid understand it is just an egg but it’s ok to have feelings about it, appropriate ways to show it etc.
A toddler also needs to learn that their parents have genuine empathy for them and are there to meet their needs. There's plenty of times for them to naturally learn that life doesn't go their way without declining to fix something for them that they were clearly very excited about and that is relatively easy for you to fix if the child was slightly older and you'd repeatedly reminded them not to let the dog get it then I think THAT is the time for the natural consequence of losing the chocolate. I wouldn't say it was a must to replace the chocolate in this case but I don't think it was in any way bad parenting either. And quite likely OP feels the need to compensate if dad is such a prize asshat Hmm Dad's parenting is going to cause far bigger problems here than mum's
VeganGod · 03/04/2022 21:05

I wouldn’t call going back out in the car to just buy a kinder egg a easy fix

When the shop is 5 minutes away and cost isn’t an issue, it seems extremely easy to me. It wouldn’t have been a question in my house, both of us would have immediately said we’d go back and get another one. Some parents are so busy teaching lessons and controlling others that they forget to show a bit of love and compassion.

AnIconOfImperfections · 03/04/2022 21:13

Aww your little boy getting so excited about his kinder egg is so cute. I’d be crestfallen too if I was that excited and then my chocolate got eaten by the dog. Good on you for replacing it. Your husband is awful.

surreygirl1987 · 03/04/2022 21:15

Your DH was awful. I would have done the same as you - my oldest son is 3 and he would have been excited like your 2 yesr old. He would have been devastated if this happened!

Girlonit · 03/04/2022 21:16

Well personally I try avoid using the car for journeys we can walk anyway @VeganGod. So for that reason alone I’d be reluctant to drive it. I’m not saying for a second I wouldn’t comfort my children and offer an alternative from the cupboards and I’d be sure to replace the egg next time I’m at the shops. But I’ve had a few similar incidents with my DC and a cry a cuddle and distraction and that’s the end of it.

HTH1 · 03/04/2022 21:17

DH was being ridiculous. I would have bought another regardless of the age of the child but YWBU to leave chocolate within the dog’s reach as even a small amount can be very harmful to them and they will obviously eat anything like that.

Faevern · 03/04/2022 21:17

When you are very upset no matter how irrational the reason how would it make you feel if someone shut you in a room and told you not to come out until you stopped crying and there was no one there to help you. How would you react and how do you expect a 2 year old to regulate that?

That’s the nub of it.

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 03/04/2022 21:20

Here's what we don't need to hear anymore about :
The dog
Cocoa content
Salmonella Grin

(As clearly all OK, not because I don't care!)

MissMaple82 · 03/04/2022 21:25

DH is an absolute dickhead. I hope your little enjoyed his egg

MissMaple82 · 03/04/2022 21:26

Oh and my dog once ate half the contents of a Christmas box of quality street and lived to tell the tale

Questiontellme · 03/04/2022 21:27

Oh this has upset me a little bit OP. I'm sorry you don't heed another person telling you but this is a completely inappropriate way to treat a 2 yo.

Mariposista · 03/04/2022 21:28

@eggstremereaction

Yes dogs fine. Kinder eggs are small thin and hollow and it was the one wouldn't be enough chocolate to poison him.
not only this, kinder eggs aren't really 'real chocolate' - the higher the milk/fat content, the less chance of harming the dog. WOuldn't actively encourage him to eat kinder eggs, but he should be fine. Mine hoovered up some few dropped Cadbury buttons when he was a puppy, and we rang the vet and said that he wasn't concerned, if it had been dark chocolate/cocoa it would be worse. Poor dog must be feeling very confused that him failing to resist temptation has caused such a palava ;)
mathanxiety · 03/04/2022 21:28

Yes as a PP said, the D here stands for Dick, with a capital D.

He needs to go out for a good long walk and come back only when he's finished with his tantrum.

You're only 'undermining parenting' if the parenting is solid and positive and you are being subversive.

He is angry because you stood up for your child when he was bullying him.

Newyearnewme2022 · 03/04/2022 21:29

Dogs rarely show symptoms of salmonella but they can carry and spread it.
I learnt this when my pup had ecoli.

SheeceRearsmith · 03/04/2022 21:33

Your DH is an unfeeling arsehole. I’d be watching him to see what other cruel things he thinks are acceptable. Of course you were right to have gone back to get another one for him. No question. Poor little thing, he must have felt crushed. Hope dog is ok - the amount of chocolate wouldn’t worry me personally, kinder eggs are minuscule.

RAOK · 03/04/2022 21:38

@Lemonlady22

Yes innappropriate parenting to give a kinder egg to a 2 year old, they have a small parts choking hazard recommendation to only give to 3 years and aboveShock
100% this.

Agree that going forwards neither of you will leave your child unsupervised around chocolate again until he is old enough to understand to prevent harm coming to your dog.