Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate stepdaughter calling past 10pm

153 replies

Wishforyou · 02/04/2022 22:13

Just been out with husband and had a lovely evening, looking forward to bed though - you know how it is last a certain age. Got into bed and his phone goes off. I immediately know who it is - his stepdaughter (she’s 17 and nocturnal). He always answers and has a loud long conversation in bed with her. I’m generally asleep by 10.30pm. Often she wants him to be her agony aunt at 11pm at night. I think there’s a reasonable time of day to offer advice and support and this isn’t it. I just asked him if he insists on indulging her this late to do it downstairs and got a mouthful about how unreasonable I am??? Am I??

OP posts:
Pushmepullyou · 02/04/2022 22:15

You’re totally unreasonable to object to her calling, but not at all unreasonable to ask him to take the call downstairs

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 02/04/2022 22:15

I agree he should go into another room and let you go to sleep.

His rudeness seems unnecessary.

Beamur · 02/04/2022 22:16

He's ok to chat but should go elsewhere.

Hiddenvoice · 02/04/2022 22:16

This is a tough one! She’s young and won’t think much of the time. Since he’s answering and engaging in a long conversation with her then she will think it’s okay now. This time of night might just be the time of day where she is feeling vulnerable and needs to reach out.
If he’s happy to take the call then he should continue to do it. He could go downstairs or another room though.

Crikeyallmightly · 02/04/2022 22:16

We get phone calls after midnight , it is just ridiculous sometimes.

angelikacpickles · 02/04/2022 22:17

I don't see anything wrong with her calling her dad after 10pm but if you are trying to sleep then he should go elsewhere to take the call.

Polyanthus2 · 02/04/2022 22:17

Yes, he needs to go out of the bedroom

How often does this happen

maddening · 02/04/2022 22:18

Of course he should take the call elsewhere, how ridiculous!

LewittDee · 02/04/2022 22:19

You're being a bit petty in caring about what they talk about and you seem to be picking at her a bit. What time they talk is between them.

That said, you're right to want it to not happen in your bedroom when you're trying to sleep. But if you make it all about the time and the topic etc etc you are being unreasonable. No parent wants to hear criticism about their parenting, doubly so when it's something as benign as being there for their child.

FairyCakeWings · 02/04/2022 22:19

Yes, you are being unreasonable.

As a parent who was lucky enough to live in the same house as my 17 year olds, if they wanted to talk at that time of night about something that was important to them, of course I would have done. It would have felt like pretty shit parenting to reject a request for conversation from my teenager just because I wanted to go to bed.

You shouldn’t have to put up with him talking to his daughter while you’re in bed next to him trying to go to sleep, but if he’s happy to talk to her that’s a good thing. She won’t be doing this forever.

VyeBrator · 02/04/2022 22:20

I feel like your thread title doesn't match the problem.

Surely it should be something like "AIBU to hate DH taking calls in bed when I'm trying to sleep?"

BottlingBurpsForGrandma · 02/04/2022 22:21

He's her dad, of course he should be available at 10pm. If she lived with you she'd be around chatting, watching TV and popping in and out of her parent's room like I did with my parents at a similar age.

He is unreasonable to take the call in bed though when there's an easy alternative that'd work for everyone.

Sometimeswinning · 02/04/2022 22:22

His step daughter? Or yours? Before anyone jumps in I just wondered if it was a long term family or short rerm relationship!

galacticpixels · 02/04/2022 22:23

Her calling at 10pm is fine if her dad is fine with that. Him taking the call from bed is ridiculous and rude, though.

RedRobin100 · 02/04/2022 22:24

This

Greensleeves · 02/04/2022 22:26

Well, no part of this is your stepdaughter's fault, is it? She's phoning her dad and he's happy to talk to her - all fine.

What is problematic is his rude, dismissive attitude and complete lack of regard for you. If you're trying to sleep, then the bed is no place for him to conduct a loud phone call. He's being an arsehole. He should get his arse out of bed and take the call somewhere else - and he should apologise for being so bloody nasty about it.

FrankLeeSpeaking · 02/04/2022 22:26

I couldn't vote because YABU to object to her calling him, but YANBU to be annoyed he takes the calls in the room where you are trying to sleep.

ISpyCobraKai · 02/04/2022 22:28

It's your DH who is the problem, not your Stepdaughter.

Jalepenojello · 02/04/2022 22:29

Um YABU. It’s hard being a teen and it’s lovely she is comfortable talking with her dad IMO. Kids don’t tend to be “convenient”. She probably really needs it and will treasure her dad being there for her. He however, should 100% be taking the call elsewhere and not disturbing your sleep.

DowntonCrabby · 02/04/2022 22:29

She should be able to call her Dad at any time and know he’ll pick up. He shouldn’t be so fucking rude if you’re trying to sleep though, if the chat goes on longer than 5 minutes he should go back downstairs and let you get to sleep.

maddening · 02/04/2022 22:30

I think that yanbu is that the op thinks the dh should take the call downstairs when he takes the call at bedtime.

maddening · 02/04/2022 22:31

I don't think she wants the dd to refrain from calling.

DoreenBoland · 02/04/2022 22:33

She probably misses her dad. He should take the call in a different room for sure. But she just wants to talk to her dad. You’re being very unreasonable.

Original poster
Wishforyou · 02/04/2022 22:33

Yes agreed they can chat any time of night if they’re both happy, just don’t do it in my left ear hole when I’m trying to sleep.
Also she does this thing where she throws in a problem with mates or whatever and then he tries
to solve it, she rejects his advice getting more and more flustered and upset, he started getting louder and repeatedly saying her name to get through to her and it’s just all too much drama this late at night. I’m sympathetic to her teenage angst, I just think it’s better slept on and talked through in the warm light of day when everyone is well rested…

OP posts:
Mellowyellow222 · 02/04/2022 22:33

She is his step daughter? I assume not your child so the daughter of his ex wife?

Doesn’t really matter - he is obviously dad to this child - lovely that she wants to chat. It’s not really that late - but your husband has appalling manners!

My dad does this - his phone calls are taken standing infront of the tv talking loudly. It’s like a performance for everyone in the room. Odd behaviour from your husband.