To hate stepdaughter calling past 10pm

[Wishforyou]

Just been out with husband and had a lovely evening, looking forward to bed though - you know how it is last a certain age. Got into bed and his phone goes off. I immediately know who it is - his stepdaughter (she’s 17 and nocturnal). He always answers and has a loud long conversation in bed with her. I’m generally asleep by 10.30pm. Often she wants him to be her agony aunt at 11pm at night. I think there’s a reasonable time of day to offer advice and support and this isn’t it. I just asked him if he insists on indulging her this late to do it downstairs and got a mouthful about how unreasonable I am??? Am I??

*She called around or before 10pm on a Saturday night! You describe her as his step daughter but she is actually his daughter? You are so annoyed by the call you create a thread?

All seems very very odd and unreasonable. Is this real?*

OP and her DH are in bed, and this is where he conducts a loud, long conversation with her, knowing OP is trying to sleep, when he is perfectly capable of going downstairs.

I'm baffled as to how you could think this is so unreasonable that you cannot even believe it is real. It is blatantly obvious that her DH is the one being unreasonable.

@Pushmepullyou

You’re totally unreasonable to object to her calling, but not at all unreasonable to ask him to take the call downstairs

Exactly this.

It's lovely she calls him.

It's rude of him to keep you awake.

I hate stressful conversation in the hour or two before sleep. It's rude of your husband to take phone calls from anyone (barring emergencies) in the bedroom, when you're in bed, trying to sleep.

He can maintain his relationship with his daughter however he pleases, though calling at 11 is too late for casual chat, imo, but he's unreasonable to impose his choices on you. There's no need for it, when he has the whole rest of the house at his disposal.

YANBU!

YABU to be annoyed at the daughter.

YANBU to be annoyed at him and tell him to take it somewhere else,especially if you are trying to sleep.

It's his daughter, she can phone when she likes.
He needs to get his arse out of bed to chat to her though. That would annoy me when trying to sleep.

He needs to remove himself from the bedroom when she calls. It's incredibly selfish not to. Any reasonable person would see that it's unfair on you. How regular is this?

@Wishforyou

Yes agreed they can chat any time of night if they’re both happy, just don’t do it in my left ear hole when I’m trying to sleep.

Call BS Here tbh. If your true issue was that then why would your title be “ To hate stepdaughter calling past 10pm”? You’d be complaining about your partner answering calls late at night in bed, no? Sounds like you resent your step daughter.

Teenagers don’t tend to be convenient. My DD I would only come to life later in the day, she would often want to talk at night and we had some of the most important chats at random hours. Obviously some of the chats seemed petty to me but to them their friends are their world so these problems seem massive. I agree it’s your DH who needs to be more considerate, your DSD sounds quite normal.

He sounds very inconsiderate towards you. He should take the call in another room

[quote Jalepenojello]@Wishforyou

Yes agreed they can chat any time of night if they’re both happy, just don’t do it in my left ear hole when I’m trying to sleep.

Call BS Here tbh. If your true issue was that then why would your title be “ To hate stepdaughter calling past 10pm”? You’d be complaining about your partner answering calls late at night in bed, no? Sounds like you resent your step daughter.[/quote]
Because for a lot of people is easier to blame the MIL,ex,child etc than admit that their partner is an inconsiderate,selfish arse.

@Pushmepullyou

You’re totally unreasonable to object to her calling, but not at all unreasonable to ask him to take the call downstairs

This

You are an early bedder ( nothing to do with age) Calling at 10pm doesn't make your stepdaughter nocturnal It's not unreasonable to ask your DH to take the call downstairs How your DH parents his daughter is not your business

What would bother me about this is that it's no longer a confidential chat between father and daughter, but one with a 3rd party. The daughter may either not register the situation and end up saying things she wouldn't choose to tell her stepmother outright, or conversely pull her punches in what she tells her dad if she's aware of being overheard. OP may also be uncomfortable about some of the stuff she learns (leaving aside the time of the conversations). Dad needs to respect his daughter's privacy AND his wife's need for sleep.

It sounds lovely that she'd ring her dad about stuff and he'd answer later
I don't have that relationship with mine

Get someone from your family - a DC or your mother perhaps - to call you for along chat at 7 am on a weekend morning and see how he likes having his lie in disturbed.

Seems normal. My kids have all day to talk to me, yet choose when I'm working or late at night to chat. And they don't usually want my opinion either, just a sounding board and agreement.

I just think it’s better slept on and talked through in the warm light of day when everyone is well rested

I've had two 17 year olds and late at night is the time they start worrying about things. They want to talk about it 'now'. Part of being a parent.
A good parent anyway.

I wouldn't have conducted the conversation in a room where someone was trying to sleep, but tbh 10pm doesn't seem all that late.

It is bizarre anyone thinks they can talk on the phone loudly in bed next to someone late at night unless they’re directing the ambulance for the emergency visit.
If my Dh stayed unreasonable id schedule a late night call myself and sit there and chat loudly next to him. It’s irrelevant that it’s his daughter, there’s a whole house to talk to her in. If she lived there and barged in the acceptable behaviour would be to get up and go to another room as well. (Although for many the acceptable behaviour in that instance would be to say I’m going to bed let’s talk tomorrow)

You needn’t have added ‘calling past 10pm’ to the end of your title as your sentiment is quite clear.

Just ask him not to take late night calls in bed if it bothers you so.

He sounds like a good dad - u are being unreasonable

agreed they can chat any time of night if they’re both happy, just don’t do it in my left ear hole when I’m trying to sleep.

Except you said he was indulging her need for him to be an agony aunt to her late at night.

If you are going to complain about it, at least be honest.

Of course he should take the call somewhere else if you are trying to sleep, but YABVVU to complain about her calling and her reasons. My daughter will be able to call me any time night or day for whatever she needs when she leaves home.

Yabu to complain about the time. He can talk to his daughter whenever he wants

howeverrrrrrr yes do tell him to take the call elsewhere as you wanna sleep.
And if he doesn't get the message; I would do the same to him (keeping him up) in the morning by making phone calls in the bed. See how he likes that hahaha

@Pushmepullyou

You’re totally unreasonable to object to her calling, but not at all unreasonable to ask him to take the call downstairs

That's what I thought, he was inconsiderable talking to her in bed when you wanted to sleep.

However 10pm isn't very late, you certainly do go to bed early. I've often had telephone conversations later than that and if you don't want to be disturbed, the 'phone can be switched off.

Anyone taking any phone call in bed while someone is trying to sleep is a pure asshole move.