AIBU to be so upset re DS and colleague?

[whateveryousay]

I'll try to keep this brief!
So I'm in my 50s, the DS in question is in his 20s, living at home.
I work in a team with mainly younger women in their 20s, and I'm particularly friendly with two of them, let's call them Ann and Kate. When I say friendly, I mean we go to a dance class and go running together after work, go to the theatre together every so often, etc, and have lunch together every day. Ann openly says she looks to me as 'the mum she never had', and messages me for advice about various things most evenings. Kate and I don't tend to message outside of work much.
I introduced DS to both Ann and Kate, and he comes running with us occasionally.
About a month ago, DS laughingly told me that he'd 'matched' with Kate on Tinder. I laughed and told him that obviously he couldn't date her, as she was my colleague and friend (albeit much younger), and this would make things very awkward for me. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. He agreed. The next day at work I joked with Kate that they had matched, and said the same to her that it would be so awkward if they dated. She also agreed.
Since then, the four of us have continued running together every week, and things have carried on as normal.
Last couple of Saturdays DS has been out on a date, and was very cagey when I asked who she was. He isn't usually, we are quite close (so I thought).
Naively, I was joking at work about DS 'secret date' and both Ann and Kate were laughing as we speculated who this might be.
Turns out it was Kate all along. DS told me, and has apologised, but I am soooooooo upset. Also now wondering if Ann knew, and whether they have all just made me into a laughing stock behind my back.
How do I deal with this at work? Annoyingly, I have just helped Kate out massively work-wise. I would like to keep my dignity, so won't be making any fuss, I am just feeling very stupid, and very hurt.
Also wondering if I'm foolish for thinking that age is 'just a number' and therefore I could be friends with people a lot younger? (I do have plenty of friends my own age too, btw!)

Why do you have a say over their love life
You sound controlling

Why would you be a laughing stock?

It sounds rather nice to me: you’d be in the lovely position of knowing both your good friend and your DS are matched with a good ‘un.

Cannot believe you told BOTH of them they couldn't date! Like it has anything at all to do with you and like you have any control over it. How selfish. You love both these people, maybe they could love each other!

Fair enough, that's me told!! Maybe that's just what I needed to hear.
Do you not think it's a bit weird for him to date my friends/colleagues though??

I can't really make out why you're so torqued about this. What's the problem with your DS dating an age-appropriate work friend of yours? She isn't your boss, or you hers, else all the running and stuff you're doing would already be a problem.

Absolutely no issue with this at all, I don't get why it would be a problem.

I dont think anyone has done anything wrong. You are still able to be her friend, but both her and your son are consenting adults and able to date if they wish. Just stay neutral if it goes wrong

Kate is a work colleague, your sons age, who you've developed a friendship with. Absolutely no reason for them not to date! Obviously if they have an awkward break up or drama I'd just make it clear i wasn't willing to be involved but otherwise you're really being a bit overdramatic about the whole thing

Why on earth wouldn't you want him to date her?! I'm lost as to why it would be an issue? She sounds lovely, they matched and clearly have something in common. I would be delighted if my DS started dating someone I already knew and liked. Stunned that you told them they couldn't date, you're coming across as very jealous and controlling.

I can see how it might be awkward but that's for you to get over.

You never should have got involved in the first place. You’re the one who has made it awkward. Just don’t bring it up again.

@whateveryousay

Fair enough, that's me told!! Maybe that's just what I needed to hear. Do you not think it's a bit weird for him to date my friends/colleagues though??

I think if she was your pal from school or a 40 year old colleague it would be different but not particularly, I used to date my boss's son when we were about 17!

I don't blame you at all for not wanting them to get together.

BUT you had already blurred the boundaries by inviting your son to go running with the three of you.

Hopefully it will be a flash in the pan.

WTAF, you’re hurt! They don’t need your permission to date neither do they have to tell you that they are dating. They didn’t tell you because you’ve made them dating a negative thing.

You are the one that made this awkward for your friend and your son 🙄
Even bringing it up to Kate!

You even like Kate. Sure, if one of them gets hurt it’s a bit more awkward for you. But they may end up married, or splitting amicably, or you or Kate change job.

As for this nonsense about friends of different ages?! You don’t half like making everything about you!

I can understand why it feels weird but I think you over stepped to suggest to either of them that they shouldn’t date based on the friendship you have with her

I find it so so so weird that you basically told them both they can’t see each other 😣😣 As if you can dictate their actions.

Whilst everything said by others is absolutely true i would worried about what would happen if it went tits up. So yeah you have to stay out of it but I know where you're coming from

In the days before online dating, people met through mutual friends, family, work etc

I don’t think it’s weird and no one will be laughing at you. Just stay out of it if it doesn’t work.

Honestly, I am so thankful to you all for saying it like it is. I guess I just didn't want them to date because if it all goes wrong I'd feel stuck in the middle. But yes, that's my issue.
Still feel it might be slightly awkward on Monday, as I think DS only told me because it's not going so well (but I don't know this, I haven't asked for details, not that weird!)
I will give my head a wobble, and calm down.

I did say the 'not to date or it would be awkward' in a jokey way, and they both laughed and agreed. It wasn't a three-line whip, btw!

That’s a bit creepy op that you told two grown single adults they couldn’t date. It’s all kinds of wrong.

Quite refreshing to hear an OP accept they are being unreasonable so quickly! Reckon you just go on as normal on Monday, you act normal she'll act normal and if she wants to mention it to you she can, if she doesn't you don't have anything to discuss really!