AIBU to be so upset re DS and colleague?

[whateveryousay]

I'll try to keep this brief!
So I'm in my 50s, the DS in question is in his 20s, living at home.
I work in a team with mainly younger women in their 20s, and I'm particularly friendly with two of them, let's call them Ann and Kate. When I say friendly, I mean we go to a dance class and go running together after work, go to the theatre together every so often, etc, and have lunch together every day. Ann openly says she looks to me as 'the mum she never had', and messages me for advice about various things most evenings. Kate and I don't tend to message outside of work much.
I introduced DS to both Ann and Kate, and he comes running with us occasionally.
About a month ago, DS laughingly told me that he'd 'matched' with Kate on Tinder. I laughed and told him that obviously he couldn't date her, as she was my colleague and friend (albeit much younger), and this would make things very awkward for me. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. He agreed. The next day at work I joked with Kate that they had matched, and said the same to her that it would be so awkward if they dated. She also agreed.
Since then, the four of us have continued running together every week, and things have carried on as normal.
Last couple of Saturdays DS has been out on a date, and was very cagey when I asked who she was. He isn't usually, we are quite close (so I thought).
Naively, I was joking at work about DS 'secret date' and both Ann and Kate were laughing as we speculated who this might be.
Turns out it was Kate all along. DS told me, and has apologised, but I am soooooooo upset. Also now wondering if Ann knew, and whether they have all just made me into a laughing stock behind my back.
How do I deal with this at work? Annoyingly, I have just helped Kate out massively work-wise. I would like to keep my dignity, so won't be making any fuss, I am just feeling very stupid, and very hurt.
Also wondering if I'm foolish for thinking that age is 'just a number' and therefore I could be friends with people a lot younger? (I do have plenty of friends my own age too, btw!)

Oops wrong way round, got Kate muddled with Ann! Sorry.

This could be quite lovely. You like her, you know she’s a good person, and you probably trust her. He could do a lot worse.

I think you just need to be able to laugh about it. If she starts trying to share sexy details within earshot playfully stick your fingers in your ears and go “lalalalala” so you don’t hear but yeah otherwise let them crack on. If it works out for them both you could end up with a lovely daughter in law you actually like!

No, no, no, stay out of his live life —- and Kate’s. It’s really none if your business.
And if they get Erinyes and have any sort of bust up you’ll be caught up in it. Step back now and que sera sera.

I'm in my 50's and my son is 25. I cannot get my head around the fact, that you told them that they couldn't date!

Maybe they didn't get the memo, pronouncing you The Queen of the World.

I can definitely see why it would feel awkward for you, especially if they broke up, but as others have said it's not up to you to tell two adults who they can or cannot date. In fact, pre-OLD it was very normal for people to meet romantic partners via a mutual connection like this. Would you feel differently if DS and Kate had simply hit it off while spending time together and decided to go on a date without tinder as a middleman?

This has to be a wind up by a Daily Mail flunkie (can't use the word journalist for anyone who works there) hoping for an pearl clutching, frothing at the mouth thread.

If it's true you are, quite frankly weird as fuck and if I was your son or colleague I would continue dating and running but in the opposite direction to you!

This is two young adults who have been on a date (maybe more than one); it may well come to nothing but so what if it does. You obviously like the girl and she likes you.

I get that you feel a bit awkward but, honestly, that will pass. Try to view it objectively.

OP, I think some pp's are being a bit too hard on you calling you a 'weirdo' etc for getting involved in your DS's love life. I am guessing you don't usually get involved and told him not to date your colleague as you don't really want you or your family to shit where you eat so to speak. I get you. Its easy for him as he can f* your colleague and piss off , but you are the one who could be stuck in an awkward situation of having to work with her thereafter. I would just leave it now and not talk about it unless one of them bring it up. If Kate brings it up I wouldn't engage in the discussion and tell her that as they are adults and they can do whatever they want, just not to get you involved . I think the less you get involved, the better it will be for you if their relationship goes downhill.

I think this could be lovely for you - if it works out well between them. I would stay out of it in case it doesn’t. But If it turns out to be The One, imagine how lovely this could be for you! You could have a fabulous relationship with your daughter in law. You obviously already like her a lot - imagine if DS brought home a stranger and she was horrid.. I’d back this horse! They sound quite keen or they wouldn’t have gone to the lengths they have for the sake of a date. Try and get your head around it and imagine how nice it could be xxxx

OP, i think you have to accept that the world does not revolve around you.
i am reminded of a colleague from a very naice home counties background, private school, oxbridge. she eventually met up with a lorry driver, let school at 15, friendly working class family.#
her father was incandescent with rage, declaring you've done this to spite me, so ungrateful.
i laughed when she told me, and so did she, as i outlined the scene: a pub or disco, hello what do you do, accountant, doctor, lawyer, sorry; oh you're a lorry driver, come here, that's just what will annoy my father!

The only thing to be mindful of is if it all goes tits up that you will not get drawn into it. I can't imagine having such a close relationship with a colleague that they might even meet my son / go running with us but that's just me. Ya being a bit unreasonable.

FFS people stop piling on. The OP has already admitted she is BU and will sort herself out.
OP-Hope it works out but I can understand you having reservations if it doesn’t and then things become uncomfortable for you at work/running etc

Would be weird for him to date a friend youe age who has known him since he was a child.

I don't think this situation is a huge issue. I would leave them to it, not a big deal. I do not think anyone will be talking about you never mind laughing. Don't worry about it.

I guess you’ve absorbed the fact that your reaction was massively controlling and inappropriate by now OP! Well done for being open to feedback.

If they matched on Tinder, didn't they both have to have liked each other & therefore both be interested?

at least you already know you get on with your future daughter in law

I don’t understand why you’d be a laughing stock, why you’re hurt (beyond the lies, though they are fairly understandable after you forbade them from dating) and why you’re so upset by this?

You like Kate, right? You love your son, right? Why wouldn’t they want to date?

But more than anything, it is literally nothing to do with you. I say this kindly, but you cannot and must not try to control them.

My brother in law was like this because I was his friend and we’d hung out in a group for a couple of years before I met his older brother and instantly knew I wanted to be with him. Brother in law barely spoke to us because he felt he’d lost his brother and close friend. We’ve been married 18 years and all was fine after the initial drama of the first year. Why would you not want your ds to be happy with someone you actually like?

Ah gosh I thought it was lovely that they fell for each other. You like her, you love him....... 💕

Very odd behaviour on your part! My Mum would happily have set my brothers up with her younger friends at work. It's a good start that you already like 'Kate'
I'm not sure anyone should think it's ok to "tell" someone who they could and couldn't date

@whateveryousay

Fair enough, that's me told!! Maybe that's just what I needed to hear. Do you not think it's a bit weird for him to date my friends/colleagues though??

It had absolutely NOTHING to do with you

I think possibly being so involved with colleagues after work is not a great idea.

Pull back a bit if I were you.

Great that you will apologise to your son and be very breezy with Kate on monday.

It may not be popular on here but I think space between work and private life is always wise, particularly close working colleagues.

@streamee

Stay out of his love life! You weirdo

Don't beat about the bush, what are you trying to say?

Personally I find it lovely that you already have a nice relationship built and his met someone decent. Weird that you say they can’t see each other. I’d be thrilled personally