AIBU to be so upset re DS and colleague?

[whateveryousay]

I'll try to keep this brief!
So I'm in my 50s, the DS in question is in his 20s, living at home.
I work in a team with mainly younger women in their 20s, and I'm particularly friendly with two of them, let's call them Ann and Kate. When I say friendly, I mean we go to a dance class and go running together after work, go to the theatre together every so often, etc, and have lunch together every day. Ann openly says she looks to me as 'the mum she never had', and messages me for advice about various things most evenings. Kate and I don't tend to message outside of work much.
I introduced DS to both Ann and Kate, and he comes running with us occasionally.
About a month ago, DS laughingly told me that he'd 'matched' with Kate on Tinder. I laughed and told him that obviously he couldn't date her, as she was my colleague and friend (albeit much younger), and this would make things very awkward for me. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. He agreed. The next day at work I joked with Kate that they had matched, and said the same to her that it would be so awkward if they dated. She also agreed.
Since then, the four of us have continued running together every week, and things have carried on as normal.
Last couple of Saturdays DS has been out on a date, and was very cagey when I asked who she was. He isn't usually, we are quite close (so I thought).
Naively, I was joking at work about DS 'secret date' and both Ann and Kate were laughing as we speculated who this might be.
Turns out it was Kate all along. DS told me, and has apologised, but I am soooooooo upset. Also now wondering if Ann knew, and whether they have all just made me into a laughing stock behind my back.
How do I deal with this at work? Annoyingly, I have just helped Kate out massively work-wise. I would like to keep my dignity, so won't be making any fuss, I am just feeling very stupid, and very hurt.
Also wondering if I'm foolish for thinking that age is 'just a number' and therefore I could be friends with people a lot younger? (I do have plenty of friends my own age too, btw!)

Annoyingly, I have just helped Kate out massively work-wise

So you wouldn't have helped her if you knew her and your Son were dating? That would be extremely petty.

They're both adults, they can date who they please. It's absolutely fine to say that you don't want to hear details from either of them like you maybe would if you didn't know the person they were seeing but telling them they can't go out is excessive

You are being so weird and controlling about this. You act as though you have the right to dictate what Kate and your son do with their lives. You're being totally inappropriate.

Yeah you can’t tell them not to date. I get that you don’t wanna lose a friend but there’s no reason why you should. If it doesn’t work out then it’s morning to do with you.

@Cocomarine

You are the one that made this awkward for your friend and your son 🙄 Even bringing it up to Kate!

You even like Kate. Sure, if one of them gets hurt it’s a bit more awkward for you. But they may end up married, or splitting amicably, or you or Kate change job.

As for this nonsense about friends of different ages?! You don’t half like making everything about you!

This.

What's wrong with them dating? how weird your bothered. You also need to be less involved in your sons love life

Do you not think it's a bit weird for him to date my friends/colleagues though??
Only if the friend is your age, and even then they're both adults.
Glad you've had your head wobbled. Now relax and let them enjoy the exciting beginnings of a relationship.

I laughed and told him that obviously he couldn't date her, as she was my colleague and friend (albeit much younger), and this would make things very awkward for me. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. He agreed.

It's a shame your son didn't put you firmly in your place then and there. I'm actually cringing for you at how controlling you are with your adult son.

Also maybe kate just looks at you as a colleague and not as much as a friend as you think hence why she might not think it's awkward if anything goes wrong

And agree it would only be weird if he was dating a middle aged woman in her fifties like you , there is nothing wrong with him dating a young woman his age.

Ok, ok, thank you everyone. I promise I now know that AIBU!!! Head well and truly wobbled! I will go and apologise to DS for being 'upset', and just behave normally from here on in!

@whateveryousay

Fair enough, that's me told!! Maybe that's just what I needed to hear. Do you not think it's a bit weird for him to date my friends/colleagues though??

You're the one who introduced a man to a woman. The weird thing is you thinking you have any right to interfere in either of their love lives.

Depends. I don’t talk to my children about things I talk to friends about.

I wouldn’t want to be caught in any cross fire/callings out etc.

You turned them into forbidden fruit. Oops.

Tbh originally I thought what business of it is yours but then thinking about it, it could get quite tricky if things do go wrong and you could get inadvertently stuck in the middle

You obviously really like Kate.
I'm sure you love your son too.

If they are both great people, then why would you not want then to give a relationship a go.

How this this not a good thing? He could have meet some horrible wench instead and you wouldn't be happy with that either.

Tbh, you don't really get a say in it anyway. They are adults. Do you think thing it's strang that you are so overly invested in both their private lives?

I actually hope it works out now you've given your head a wobble. It'd make things much easier for everyone if he has a girlfriend you're friends with!

Replying to being 'over invested', I guess it depends how 'over' the invested is. I obviously love DS very much, and so to an extent of course I'm 'invested' in his happiness. And I like Kate very much too, and as we are friends, I feel somewhat 'invested' there too, as I care about her.

I think you're overreacting! I doubt the other girl knew and even if she did, do you REALLY think she'd be laughing because you're a 'laughing stock'?? It's hardly scandalous, he's your son, not your husband, and she's your friend! Maybe she was just laughing out of pure awkwardness because she'd been put in an awkward situation or, more likely, she just didn't know.

Why is it so bad if your son dates your good friend? They probably have in common their mutual love for you! As long as you make it clear that you won't get involved in any drama in any way, this might be really lovely. Imagine if they end up together long term! A dear friend of yours who already considers you a mother figure and your son together? I'd be so happy!

Oops! Kate is the girl he dated, I thought Kate was the other friend.

She probably just really likes you and doesn't know how to deal with it.

Are you know going to go to Kate and tell her JOKINGLY that your son said it is not going to well. Keep out of their private life. Are you single btw op. If you are what partner would your ds or Kate would say are off limits

You know this young woman well, like her and consider her a friend. Win, win ..... you already like your prospective daughter in law, and her you (if it goes that far) ... what's not to like.

I wish them both well. Please stay out of it.

What would have been weird would have been you deciding they were compatible and setting them up on a date. Creepy momma! They have been randomly matched, have been on a date and now the rest is up to them. Look on the bright side, if things go swimmingly you could end up with a dil who you like as a person.

It will only get awkward if she asks you to go shopping with her to Ann summers.

Surely you are happy he is dating a woman you like rather than some scheming gold digger, or someone who will lure him away from his family

And also, you like Kate better than you like Ann, so if it was Kate he was dating and it didn’t work out you would be feeling far more upset!