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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To he appalled at this experience today

361 replies

User199999 · 01/04/2022 18:23

Hi.

I understand this sounds quite unbelievable but it is a genuine experience from today.

Myself, my mum and my DD went to a local charity shop which we have visited many times. My DD sometimes can have tantrums whilst out in shops, just normal toddler tantrums. Whilst in there my DD got a bit upset and kicked off a bit and was crying/throwing herself around. I knelt down and tried to calm her down. Next minute the shop keeper came storming over and tapped her a few times on the shoulder from behind saying ‘I think someone’s in a bad mood arnt they’ and got right in her face. I was in shock. She then pointed her finger right in DDs face like she was telling her off. I walked off with DD so I didn’t see this but my mum said the shop keeper pulled a really angry face and did a ‘strangling motion’ behind mine and DDs back. DD then got upset again and I picked her up to try and calm her but she got more upset. The Shop keeper said ‘I think she wants to be put down, doesn’t she’ in a really stern manner, like she was trying too belittle me.

My mum wanted to purchase something so we went to the que and when was getting served o said to DD ‘you’re tired arnt you’re and the shop keeper said ‘yes, I understand she wasn’t doing anything wrong but I’m very old fashioned’. I think this was very inappropriate. What are peoples opinions please.

OP posts:
ArtVandalay · 01/04/2022 20:41

Deaf! Not death! Grin

WiddlinDiddlin · 01/04/2022 20:41

@hamstersarse

Does anyone acknowledge that the strangling gesture was very much more than likely done in jest?

I sometimes forget we have a total humour bypass when it comes to such Serious Matters

Yup, my mum used to do it when we were being awful (or other peoples kids), and I can easily see her doing it in jest but someone not knowing her, thinking she was just being evil and nasty.
Abaababa · 01/04/2022 20:42

I would have broken her fingers if she touched my child. Definitely complain and certainly never go back.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 01/04/2022 20:42

she is perhaps putting on a show for your dm with her tantrums?

Original poster
User199999 · 01/04/2022 20:42

But I think offering advice to take her outside next time, to saying I did fuck all and bashing my parenting are two different things

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 01/04/2022 20:43

You should’ve taken her out of the shop. Yabu

MrsLargeEmbodied · 01/04/2022 20:43

you need strength to post on aibu op

Suzi888 · 01/04/2022 20:45

🤣
I couldn’t get worked up about this, similar has happened to me. The person was elderly and I just think they’re trying to help in all honesty.

ExMachinaDeus · 01/04/2022 20:45

Yes I did say to DD that I will take her outside but she kept screaming ‘nanny’ as she didn’t want to go outside whilst my mum stayed in the shop but my mum was buying something

So why didn’t you both go outside?

Honestly, in a small shop, I had been browsing, I would have left. Other peoples screaming children are not pleasant to be near, especially in the confines of a shop.

Brefugee · 01/04/2022 20:45

It's nothing to do with bad parenting.
I really struggle when my child sits on the pavement and refuses to move. He's 11 but has the developmental age of a 2 year old.
I can't physically lift him, so have to wait for him to sit it out.
It really doesn't help when I have an audience, no doubt judging me.

That is a completely different scenario. And in that case i hope I'd give you a sympathetic look and offer help?
It is in no way the same as a screeching toddler and a mum "trying to reason with it" which is one of the things that gives me the flipping rage. I am well out of the toddler years and i don't appreciate having that inflicted on me when i'm out shopping. I expect parents to remove the noise, or at least look as though they are parenting not an ineffectual "oh do you want to do this? no ok then" bollocks

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 01/04/2022 20:49

@User199999

Yes I did say to DD that I will take her outside but she kept screaming ‘nanny’ as she didn’t want to go outside whilst my mum stayed in the shop but my mum was buying something
This would not have stopped me taking her outside. I’ve hoiked many a child out of an environment in which they were freaking out. A toddler screaming to stay does not override my desire to remove them.
Stravaig · 01/04/2022 20:51

It sounds like quite an odd experience to untangle! However I wouldn't blindly believe your DM's account of the shop assistant pulling a face and making a strangling motion. Neither you nor your DM did the obvious appropriate thing, which was to take your DD out of the shop and help her calm down. Perhaps the shop assistant was trying to help, however inappropriate her efforts. You sound overly permissive about the behaviour of your own family yet quick to negatively judge the actions of others. A more evenhanded approach perhaps?

S4M3 · 01/04/2022 20:54

@User199999

But I think offering advice to take her outside next time, to saying I did fuck all and bashing my parenting are two different things
@User199999 You’ve said you were a bit flustered and you did your best as a parent. It seems that you did.

Just be glad you name changed!

Beamur · 01/04/2022 20:56

All kids have strops and wobblers sometimes. I would absolutely not accept a random stranger behaving like that towards my child.
They were totally out of order.
Your Mum wasn't much help either was she?
The easier way out of that would have been for you all leave. Distract your DD. Everyone calms down. Then your Mum pops back by herself to get the item if it's really that important to her.
I'm not surprised you were rattled.

KarmaStar · 01/04/2022 20:58

It's a non event.Forget it.take your dc outside of she's throwing herself around in a shop.

millytilly34 · 01/04/2022 21:03

I'd complain to the manager. She made strangling motions, that's so weird!
Some nasty comments on here. The responses would be very different if it was their kid who'd been hassled by some weirdo who can't understand that small kids have tantrums.

Porcupineintherough · 01/04/2022 21:13

Non event. Dont let it upset you.

Booboobagins · 01/04/2022 21:14

Everyone's got an option. Most are judgemental, so what's new with these types of discussions?!

OP, you did nothing wrong. When a child is upset, of course the first thing anyone does is talk to the child. Don't take them out of a shop, talk and only if that doesn't help, then suggest you both go outside.

The shop worker was out of order and I would complain. How was her behaviour going to.help?! And it's in appropriate for her to touch your child and get in her face, let alone display the childish behaviour behind your back! Please complain, she's likely to have done this to other kids and will likely think it's OK to carry on doing it.

Zzzexhaustedzzz · 01/04/2022 21:21

You should have taken your child out. You are in charge.
The sales person didn’t behave in the best way either, but I’d let that go as a generational thing.

PlainJaneEyre · 01/04/2022 21:24

There is nothing worse than being in a shop or restaurant and a mother is trying to calm a child down and it goes on and on and on....was in a lunch place the other day and the Dad whipped the child out straightaway when the child screamed at getting in a high chair. People really don't want to listen to the noise and all this "get down at eye level and talk rationally and reasonable to them" negotiation. Kids can be ear piercing. Remove and then do your bargaining.

PeacefulPottering · 01/04/2022 21:25

42Abaababa

I would have broken her fingers if she touched my child. Definitely complain and certainly never go back.
Feckinell !!

Darbs76 · 01/04/2022 21:26

Just ignore it. My DD had spectacular tantrums at that age, I avoided taking her to the shops at a certain age at all costs. Had lots of comments, even from family. She’s 14 now, tantrums are long gone, not even any teenage attitude. I’d rather have had it at that age than now if there was a choice!

WonderfulYou · 01/04/2022 21:26

Remember that every single child in the world has had tantrums at one point or another.

You will feel like everyone is judging you but 99% of the time they’re not.

If someone’s trying to help but are being annoying you can say something like thank you for your help but I’ve got this.
Of course if they’re being rude you can tell them to fuck off and mind their business.

Parenting is hard and you’ll find lots of people will give their unwanted opinion which can be very frustrating but they usually come with good intentions.

Whatsmyname100 · 01/04/2022 21:29

Op you're making a big deal of absolutely nothing here. The only thing you should have done was take her out immediately, no wishy washy 'shall we go out'. If she screamed outside, then leave her to scream it out. You are appalled over nothing.

NellesVilla · 01/04/2022 21:30

Did you need to post this, OP? Your child misbehaved, the shop owner made a joke (perhaps slightly overstepping boundaries) and you’re totally overthought it.

Chill out, not worth it. Just don’t frequent her shop with your custom again.

And did you mean queue or que??

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