Page 9 | Life is pretty shit for a lot of people

HollyBollyBooBoo · 01/04/2022 10:03

@NutellaEllaElla 3rd World Country is such an out dated and really offensive term, developing country is more appropriate.

Sorry you're having a hard time Op, those nursery days are a killer financially, they will end though.

LBFseBrom · 01/04/2022 10:06

Life is 'pretty shit' for man, bananatwain. That has always been so, worse at different times. It does improve but it is very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel at times and knowing others are worse off does not help us in the here and now; our problems still exist.

I sympathise with you and can only wish you well for the near future.
[cuppa]

What those of us who have become better off in later life (which does happen), can do, is try to find a way to help others discreetly. In time, those others will be able to do the same for someone else.

Bogofballs · 01/04/2022 10:06

To all the rude and critical posters... I think you mean YOU should be grateful.

Who do you think will take your blood test when your health starts declining?

Pack and deliver your shopping when you‘re struggling?

Wipe your arse when you can’t do it?

Answer = all the people struggling to exist right now in low income jobs.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 01/04/2022 10:08

OP I really feel for you.

I strongly advise you start looking for jobs in the private sector. I work in a recruitment-related industry and job vacancies are at an all-time high. Companies are really struggling to fill roles, at all levels.

I know it's more comfortable to apply for a role in a place you're familiar with (which is probably why there were so many internal applications where you work) but I promise you, if you look on sites like Indeed and LinkedIn, you'll be amazed at what's out there.

Celiamary · 01/04/2022 10:08

@bananatwain I do sympathise with your predicament. You have described it so well that we can feel it.
There are no more simple words that can help you change things. You are already doing what you can.
Please ignore the spiteful comments about "it's much worse for people in Ukraine or 3rd world" etc.
What makes it worse is the seeming lack of sympathy in UK for you and a million others. Even worse is not being able to see an end to it. It seems as if this will continue for a very long time.

Bogofballs · 01/04/2022 10:09

@Fml1980 Agree wholeheartedly. Have we learned nothing about the true value of these essential jobs from the pandemic?!

LBFseBrom · 01/04/2022 10:09

Well said, Bogofballs.

We should be supportive of those who are struggling, whatever the reason. Their problems are real.

Lightning020 · 01/04/2022 10:11

Open tr.y to live with your parents instead of paying private rent. If there is room that is and you get on well. My d's is 17. Luckily my home is mortgage free. I feel v grateful but I have advised my son to live with me as long as he wishes on the understanding he contributes to household expenses once working. Single income households are different and I will need his expenses covering once working as I am not a high earner.

Private rent is horrifically expensive and I feel for anybody enduring it.

Tiredcatmum · 01/04/2022 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheekyduck · 01/04/2022 10:16

@bananatwain

On a low wage. Living with parents. Paying £700 a month on childcare even with 30 free hours. Might have to get rid of my car. I have a strict budget and don't buy unnecessary junk. Will likely never be able to afford a house. Rent and bills extortionate and no prospect of me moving out any time soon. If I was renting I'd be screwed. Trying to get promoted at work but cost of living has driven job applications sky high so too competitive. I just wonder what the point is sometimes. I'm so worried about the future and money. Son going to school will help but I'm left with almost £40 which I pathetically save at the moment and £700 definitely won't cover rent and bills. Its actually making me unwell to think about... Anyone else?

Speak to your GP and ask for counselling OP.

Life is fucking shit, and keeping mentally strong is key to survival. It will take a few weeks to start, but that's what I did, everything was getting on top of me. It really helped , it was all free, the key thing you wrote was 'Its actually making me unwell to think about it' That was me, without getting help, I wouldn't have been strong enough to join groups, start hobbies, night school and a new job, but before you can take all the practical advise, you need to sort out your thoughts with a professional .

UnnecessaryFennel · 01/04/2022 10:19

I agree re: private rent. It's astronomical at the moment, insecure and difficult to get on UC anyway. I think staying with the parents is the best option for now. I did the same for a few years after I left abusive xh - it wasn't always ideal to be living with mum & dad in my mid-30s with a child, but financially it was a no-brainer compared to struggling alone. I think multi-generational living is on its way back anyway!

Iflyaway · 01/04/2022 10:20

I suggest going to one of the many poorer countries around the world to see how they manage.

That's helpful!

Staryflight445 · 01/04/2022 10:23

Definitely @UnnecessaryFennel our children haven’t a chance at getting on the property ladder if things keep being like this.

I just hope me and my husband can get ourselves into the financial position to buy a house big enough for them to remain at home for as long as they need when they’re adults.

DazzlingDarrenDring · 01/04/2022 10:26

Look, I don't want to go down the ' This is what you should do route ' as those posts do my head in ( Ooh, why don't you retrain! )

BUT

That £300 a month to your parents then a 3rd of bills stands out to me a bit.

Now, I appreciate there would be some childcare involved there as well, but if you lived on your own or in a council property, would you not get housing benefit / universal credit so your rent and bills would be less?

Apologies if I've fallen into the normal trap of stating the obvious!

Anyway, good luck OP, I know you aren't living on the streets or anything like that but constantly having no money and no enjoyment in life when you see everyone else having a good time is upsetting, I appreciate that.

Babyroobs · 01/04/2022 10:37

@UnnecessaryFennel

I agree re: private rent. It's astronomical at the moment, insecure and difficult to get on UC anyway. I think staying with the parents is the best option for now. I did the same for a few years after I left abusive xh - it wasn't always ideal to be living with mum & dad in my mid-30s with a child, but financially it was a no-brainer compared to struggling alone. I think multi-generational living is on its way back anyway!

Completely agree with this. We have 4 young adults/ late teens still living with us and expect they will be with us for some years to come. It helps though sharing the cost of bills.

AngeloMysterioso · 01/04/2022 10:39

@SnackSizeRaisin

Move to a cheaper area? Claim universal credit to get help with costs?

You are at the most difficult point with a pre school aged child - things will get cheaper.

But I do think it might be of benefit to count your blessings a bit too. You have a roof over your head, a job, free education for your child, free healthcare for both of you, parents who love you enough to help. A peaceful country with benefits. Even a car is a huge luxury that only 50% of adults in this country have. And we are in one of the richest countries in the world. I suggest going to one of the many poorer countries around the world to see how they manage. Or even how poor people in this country lived a few decades ago.

Maybe your living conditions are not what you aspire to but it's a long way from poverty.

Perfect example of toxic positivity.

Babyroobs · 01/04/2022 10:39

@DazzlingDarrenDring

Look, I don't want to go down the ' This is what you should do route ' as those posts do my head in ( Ooh, why don't you retrain! )

BUT

That £300 a month to your parents then a 3rd of bills stands out to me a bit.

Now, I appreciate there would be some childcare involved there as well, but if you lived on your own or in a council property, would you not get housing benefit / universal credit so your rent and bills would be less?

Apologies if I've fallen into the normal trap of stating the obvious!

Anyway, good luck OP, I know you aren't living on the streets or anything like that but constantly having no money and no enjoyment in life when you see everyone else having a good time is upsetting, I appreciate that.

People on UC who do not pay formal rent ( such as those living with parents) get a higher work allowance if they have kids. This means they can £553 of wages each month without their benefits being affected at all. It's really not a bad system,

user1471538283 · 01/04/2022 10:48

It is so hard. I found it so hard for years. But you will eventually get there.

RagingRagingAndMoreRaging · 01/04/2022 10:51

RussianSpy101

Can you see what your judgemental post has done? You’ve pushed the OP to defend her decisions and circumstances and share something traumatic.

I hope that is a lesson to you that you can NEVER know what another’s experience is.

There are so many different factors that shape a life course. Genetic factors. Experience whilst in the womb. The geographical, social, psychological, cultural and economic conditions into which you are born. Early life experiences. Parental input and relationships. What school you went to and how much you were supported. Your physical health… I could go on but you get my point. All of these things shape our brain and body and how we develop. The decisions we make and the relationships we have. The system in the UK at least, is set up to keep the rich, rich and the poor, poor. Why, for example is it ok that energy firms are making billions for their shareholders whilst people struggle to heat their home? - Unfettered capitalism. Let the markets decide. Trickle down economics. Rich man in his castle, poor man at his gate. - that’s why.

There is personal choice and agency but only to an extent will that protect you and lead to a better life.

Please don’t make assumptions about peoples choices.

OP. I really hope things change.

Manekinek0 · 01/04/2022 10:57

It is awful at the moment OP and something really needs to change. Since the 08 crash quantitative easing has caused wealth inequality to grow. Then we've had so much money fraudulently handed out during covid and nothing has been done to keep rents in check or stop the ridiculous surge in airbnbs.

I doubt this will help but have you checked entitled to see if you can claim anything extra? Help to save would also be worth checking out if you receive any benefits, I'm not sure of the exact criteria, but the bonus is good and would boost the amount you can save in a month.

ThreeRingCircus · 01/04/2022 10:58

OP are you using tax free childcare? You mentioned your nursery bill was £700 this month but if you pay with the TFC account you'd save 20% on that

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 01/04/2022 11:09

I hear you op, it is tough. It sounds like you're doing your best.

Neverreturntoathread · 01/04/2022 11:13

I’m sorry OP. Yanbu.

For what it it’s worth, I think this preschool stage is going to be the hardest it gets financially. School will help a great deal and as your child gets older he will absorb less and less of your time and energy. As you meet other mums you may also get informal childcare sharing options eg shared pickups.

I’m glad you have your parents, and a career, I know the job ££ may not be amazing now but it is a foundation on which you can build once your child is older.

Brexit, the pandemic, the row with Russia affecting energy, and the choices of this government have made the cost of living what it is, but one day things will get easier again, they always do.

Haven’t read the whole thread, hope there weren’t too many trolls, there are a lot about on Mumsnet at the moment 🙈

Alwaystheplusone · 01/04/2022 11:14

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

So you’re victim blaming? Honestly, sit yourself down. Posts like this are absolutely disgusting. People are worried sick about the price rises and you’ve come on her to tell the OP it’s her own fault?

Gnomechange · 01/04/2022 11:19

It sounds like you are a bit of a superwoman! I’m sorry it’s so difficult at the minute.

If you work in the public sector (I assume a local authority), if they won’t increase your hours don’t forget that if another admin job comes up part time, you can do two jobs. Your hours can be flexed to meet this arrangement. Quite a few staff in local authorities have two jobs.

In terms of going for a promotion, they are always competitive and there are things you can do to improve chances. All public sector organisations pay into what is called the apprenticeship levy. This is basically a pot of money that can be used on apprenticeship training but also for internal staff. If you were to try to utilise this, your job would have to give you time off for study and classes.

For example, a level 3 business admin qualification

findapprenticeshiptraining.apprenticeships.education.gov.uk/courses/196

Local authorities are desperate to use the money as if they don’t they lose it. It might be worth a chat with your line manager.

But in answer to your question,yes life is pretty shit for a lot of people. It seems particularly shit for you at the minute. You sound like you are doing brilliant though.