Life is pretty shit for a lot of people

[bananatwain]

On a low wage. Living with parents. Paying £700 a month on childcare even with 30 free hours. Might have to get rid of my car. I have a strict budget and don't buy unnecessary junk. Will likely never be able to afford a house. Rent and bills extortionate and no prospect of me moving out any time soon. If I was renting I'd be screwed. Trying to get promoted at work but cost of living has driven job applications sky high so too competitive. I just wonder what the point is sometimes. I'm so worried about the future and money. Son going to school will help but I'm left with almost £40 which I pathetically save at the moment and £700 definitely won't cover rent and bills. Its actually making me unwell to think about... Anyone else?

Could you go to university, live on the loan for 3 years and do something that will give you uncapped earning when you're out. Look at degrees in data, IT, digital marketing or finance. Or look at apprenticeships in similar field, where you work and study at the same time, which even better but more competitive to get into. Its the only long term solution. It will be tough but as a student there are lots of rebates and discounts, no council etc.

@RussianSpy101 is a borderline troll so just ignore them. They were on another thread recently posting snide comments digging at the OP in exactly the same way. If anything, the extremely tasteless username is a giveaway on the type of person behind it.

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

Thank you for putting into words what I feel

[quote RussianSpy101]@bananatwain in fairness I think it’s down to us as individuals to enhance our prospects. Whether you think the current government care or not, they introduced tax free childcare and funded childcare.
There will be cheaper nurseries and other childcare options. You say your son will be at school soon so your costs will go down then.
If you go for promotions or get more qualifications and go for higher paid jobs, your wages will increase.
You’re not paying a mortgage and you don’t mention if you pay rent at market value so you may be better than others in that way.[/quote]
There aren't an infinite number of cheaper nurseries or childcare options. At some stage you reach the cheapest and, newsflash, that will still be really bloody expensive. Cheapest (licensed and well thought of because most people want their children to be safe) in my area is £61 a day, for example. That doesn't leave much left over on a lone average salary.

Your 'advice' doesn't serve anyone except your own desire to feel superior.

Living with your parents as an adult can mentally be quite tough, it feels as though your world has gotten smaller which is so de-moralising. I'm in awe of your resilience and motivation. I can't offer any advice further to PP's, but with your mindset better things are round the corner.

Please take credit for how fabulously you are managing. I agree with all the positive comments and suggestions. Are you in a union? They often have study courses to improve qualifications you can do in your own time. Does your work have educational opportunities you can do? These are usually free. You will succeed.

Sorry that happend to you op. I'm glad your safe now. Sadly lots of woman go through domestic violence and rape. You don't have to explain yourself on here . Posts like the one you replied to are pointless I don't know why people post them . What do they think can be done the child/ren are already here what do think you can do get a cash refund .

@NutellaEllaElla

When I saw the thread title I thought it might be about Ukraine or some 3rd world country tbh.

Wow. We are not allowed to be disappointed with life because someone somewhere has it a lot worse.

Get to F.

@MalFunkshun

OP PLEASE don’t feel you have to justify your life choices to some random sanctimonious posters or, indeed, to anyone. I assume it makes them feel better to pass casual judgement on other people, but do ignore them.

Sorry to hear how tough everything is for you do go for the promotions, it’s always worth it for the experience and confidence at fielding the process. And well done for keeping on.

This.

FFS (some) people.

OP, sorry things are - and have been - so tough. I hope some of the more sympathetic and useful advice on this thread is useful, and hope things feel more manageable soon.

Yes, it is. We’re on a good income but still there’s no spare. I’m really concerned for families who are already struggling.

Sorry to hear your situation. Yes life can be hard on all sorts of levels. Actually I grew up in the 50s 60s with family in similar situation it’s not new or particular to now. Try to accept things can improve with time we never know what’s around the corner. As your child/children grow not long before they are in school and you can try to improve your income. Good luck it’ll get better

Bless you, I’m so sorry you had to be put in a position online of explaining why you had your son….I find that disgraceful that someone would essentially ‘blame’ you for having children without being financially secure even without knowing the horrific abuse you suffered. Living conditions in this country are appalling. There is little to no help for those struggling and bills are only continuing to rise. I’m so sorry OP, things are very hard at the moment- you deserve to have a home, a good job and easier childcare but I can’t see that being achievable with the situation as it is. Love to you and your son x

OP you are a superstar! Apply for the promotion, your childcare will go down soon your doing great. You have my sympathies on the cost of living it's redicolous!
And f?CK some of the posters on here eijets!

Have you looked into council / housing association properties OP?

That's one hell of a situation to be in. And you have every reason to feel crap about it.

You sound like a very sensible, tenacious, and intelligent person, so hopefully things ultimately start going a bit more your way.

You are so right though, these are very hard times for so many people and if someone is in the fortunate position of not doing it so tough, they ought to be very, very appreciative of that fact.

@Vallmo47

Agreed OP but I’m sorry to hear of your current situation. It’s horrible. My kids schools keep arranging things like fun fairs, cake sales, school trips and contributions to play equipment, pay to dress up days etc etc and it all adds up. Kids don’t get it so I just have to manage somehow - this is without mentioning all the prices going up for petrol and food and bills. I walk to do the majority of my weekly shops in drips and drabs and write down prices in shops I pass so I know where I need to walk to for the best deals. It’s unbelievably upsetting.

@Vallmo47 you sound like a fantastic mum

I’m sorry you’ve had some horribly judgemental and unhelpful posts on here, OP.

@RussianSpy101, did you really write a judgemental, critical post and when the OP replied describing the highly traumatic circumstances leading to her current situation, you just ignored her? And carried on with further jibes. Did I miss a post from you showing some empathy or basic manners?

@Piper22 Aww thank you. I try to be. We all try. 🥰

Sorry to hear things have been so rough @bananatwain

I dont have the same kind of issues you have but am struggling with my MH.

We all have different struggles that can make life pretty shit for us

RussianSpy101

@Thoosa no I didn’t say that. Try reading my post again“

Tbf, it’s not really worth reading once.

Same, single mum here and I rent privately as I don’t have any family nearby! School definitely takes the edge off but there is still expenses eg. School clubs, trips, collections, uniform etc! It’s a shit show at the moment, I’m seriously worried and pretty much just treading water.

@JudgeRindersMinder
You didn’t even bother to read the Ops posts did you, never mind the thread.

I hope you will be apologising - the poster you admire so much didn’t have the decency to do so.

JanglyBeads

(Saving £40 a month is great, well done! Many many save nothing.)“

This.

You sound amazing OP, feisty and capable. You’re on top of budgeting and saving, you have a place to call home - so focus on increasing your income as much as you can. Head down, you absolutely will get through this.

We would never tell someone not to be happy because they won a bottle of wine because someone else must be happier because they won the lottery.
Even people who have a good job and savings are now facing choices due to the cost of just living!
And it's all well and good people getting better jobs but what becomes of the jobs that are low pay but are essential.
Like cleaners,carers,nursery staff,child minders,shop staff and many more that keep society ticking on.
I don't know what the answer is OP you are doing your best under already stressful circumstances, I hope things improve for you and your child.