Life is pretty shit for a lot of people

[bananatwain]

On a low wage. Living with parents. Paying £700 a month on childcare even with 30 free hours. Might have to get rid of my car. I have a strict budget and don't buy unnecessary junk. Will likely never be able to afford a house. Rent and bills extortionate and no prospect of me moving out any time soon. If I was renting I'd be screwed. Trying to get promoted at work but cost of living has driven job applications sky high so too competitive. I just wonder what the point is sometimes. I'm so worried about the future and money. Son going to school will help but I'm left with almost £40 which I pathetically save at the moment and £700 definitely won't cover rent and bills. Its actually making me unwell to think about... Anyone else?

@NutellaEllaElla

When I saw the thread title I thought it might be about Ukraine or some 3rd world country tbh.

Fuck sake.

I think focus on the future. It’s hard now but the change in childcare costs when your son goes to school will be massive. An extra £700 a month!!!! Also any increase in wage you might get over that time.

I think managing work and finances with a very small child is just hard. It sounds pretty impossible for you to save at the moment too. That is all temporary though and as your child gets older it’ll get easier.

Have you checked what benefits you’d be entitled to if you lived in your own place?

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

Feel better after that nasty smug little diatribe?

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

The audacity of this.

I try and refrain joining in these kind of talks before i lose my little mind at the "have you considered asking an elderly wealthy relative to buy you a detached house in Somerset and getting a nanny to help you whilst you study to become an investment banker?"
Life if shit for many people. I'm sorry yours has been so turbulent x
I hope things become fantastically better for you and your son. 💐❤💐

Most people, of which are very financially comfortable are only a number of paydays away from having to sell their homes or struggle like everyone else if something happened to their jobs.

Owning a home, means absolutely nothing either since a lot of issues that can happen with your home can blow peoples comfortable saving pots.

If you don’t believe in contraception failures than you’re an absolute muppet also @RussianSpy101. Nothing gives 100% protection.

@RussianSpy101 Just stop. You’re being cruel.

Why not go back to education? Go to uni do an access course - you will be covered for childcare fees and plan a better future that way?

I think things will get better for you OP. This sounds like a very low point. As someone else said, you never know what’s around the corner and you are doing all the right things for you and your son, who is lucky to have you. Don’t give up.

OP, you’re doing great. I know it will be of no consolation to you now, but one day you will look back and realise how strong you are. The hard times you are experiencing now won’t always be hard.

Put your name on the council housing list, yes you might wait years but, your name will be down on the list. Keep pushing for that promotion, would you be open to try to look for cheaper childcare for your little one? Not so easy I know particularly if they are settled in nursery.

It doesn’t matter how much your putting by for savings, it still something, last month I only managed to save £30. That’s the first I’ve been able to save anything for months. I think sometimes we (me included) get into the mindset that we have to save loads more because life is expensive. No matter how little you save, it all helps.

I think you would be better off moving out even if it is just onto a studio flat with your Ds and claiming housing benefit and I am sure other benefits. I think if you were living at home FOC it would be one thing but you must be paying the cost of a studio flat with the £300 per month and 1/3 of bills and take into account you aren’t able to claim anything then living at home starts to look quite expensive.

I think there is a calculator to make sure you are claiming everything. Fill it in as though you already live in the cheapest flat you can find that is easy to get to work and nursery and be realistic about the costs of everything.

There are “banks” can’t remember the right term but they are part of the community where you can save with them for a certain amount of time then be able to maybe take out a loan for a deposit.
Also look around for weekend and evening jobs if your dp’s don’t mind doing a bit of baby sitting a couple of nights per week
Or there are hospitality agencies where you can pick and choose what events you do.
You can work as little or as much as you like. But even 1 evening or 1 day per week would give you more disposable income.

Mindless posts from a couple of sanctimonious twats here. Really, does posting shit like that make you feel better?

OP, YANBU . This country is currently a shitshow and lots of people are really struggling through absolutely no fault of their own.

Things will get better though, just keep going, keep applying for those promotions, check out any possibilities for further training, keep your chin up and know that most sensible, empathetic people think you're doing a great job.

ive seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur

I’ve got a double contraception failure. Does that win me a prize?
Things have changed very fast from where we were even 5 years ago. Houses have gone up even more, rents even more than that.

I’ve been in your position. Lived with my parents after relationship breakdown, couldn’t get a suitable rental without paying out every penny I had on rent until my savings ran out and I qualified for UC. Couldn’t buy because I didn’t have enough of a deposit and a sole income, plus house prices. Don’t get maintenance because I have 50/50 split with ex but can’t work full-time because the childcare costs would’ve crippled me (as they are you). Took me 3 long years and a promotion within my current employer to get my own place. My parents have helped me in so many ways with money for a deposit, childcare etc I will never ever be able to pay them back and will be eternally grateful. It’s so bloody difficult to try and live on a sole income. I sacrifice so many things for myself that I’d love so that my DD can have what she needs/wants. I’m left with about £200 a month atm, but that will disappear soon enough too with all the increases in prices for everything. A lot of my fixed rates are coming to an end soon.
Have you sat and worked out if you reduced your hours at work for a few years to reduce childcare costs would you qualify for UC to subsidise it? Even losing out on a small amount of wages overall to save a big chunk on childcare would be good. It is a little easier once your kids are primary age but the first few years at school and working full time will still be hard as you’d need wraparound.

Just had another thought, if you are saving £700 from September, could you give up one of your part time jobs and do a course or training to up your skills?
I’ve just heard on R4 that there are many job vacancies in Computing and Software and people are being paid extremely well. Could you retrain?

I also think you're doing really well, and things will get easier - you are probably at the toughest point now, but you are still breaking even, your DC is securely housed and happy...you are just a bit worn down. It's perfectly normal to feel a bit "Why is my arse being kicked so hard and so often?". But give yourself credit for all that you are achieving, and keep plugging away. All will be well.

I also would’ve loved to share a house with another single parent and shared childcare and bills with them until we both got on our feet. It’s just not a done thing for some reason, which seems absolute madness when you think how many people are struggling through on their own.

@Whatinthelord

I think focus on the future. It’s hard now but the change in childcare costs when your son goes to school will be massive. An extra £700 a month!!!! Also any increase in wage you might get over that time.

I think managing work and finances with a very small child is just hard. It sounds pretty impossible for you to save at the moment too. That is all temporary though and as your child gets older it’ll get easier.

Have you checked what benefits you’d be entitled to if you lived in your own place?

This. Your future proofing yourself by working, pensions, promotion and skills. Keep on. Your doing well. I know it doesn’t feel it. Your doing well.

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur. You don't have to believe them but it doesn't mean they don't happen.

I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships
You don't seem to 'appreciate' these things though, inasmuch as you continue to judge people.

Your posts are ignorant and frankly twattish.

I'm so sorry things are so hard for you OP. I know we are finding things getting tighter and tighter with both DH and myself working, I'm so angry with the lack of action from the government which makes it impossible for people on one income. Like you we've found that the 30 free hours help, but still leave a significant childcare bill.

I Work in the public sector too (NHS, clinical staff) - there's not much scope for my job to move but DH is private sector and pay increases etc do seem to be better, could it be worth considering a move of jobs rather than just internal promotion. Thinking about applying, do try jobs that are a promotion in themselves rather than just a sideways move - it's hard because you think you need to apply for the same level sometimes (I know I do) but my sister has recently been successful doing this. I've read somewhere that men are more likely to apply for and get jobs at a higher level whereas women tend to only apply if they meet 100% of criteria. You clearly have skills, resilliance and determination so don't sell yourself short. I do understand though that when you're working so much and looking after a child too having the energy to do job applications is hard.

I've found the forums on moneysavingexpert really helpful if you haven't seen them, PP have mentioned things like surveys - I do these in my work breaks and when up with the baby and it makes a real difference saving vouchers towards Christmas and birthdays. Apologies if you're already doing all this, you sound really proactive.

It's tough being a single parent but at least you're working.

My ex best friend who was a single parent was similar to you actually. She'd split up with the father of her DD and had to move back in with her parents and was renting out her own house to pay the mortgage. Nursery took most of her earnings and her ex offered her £50 a month maintenance! Plus her work moved so she had to travel from end of East to end of SW London via District line. She kept on with it all, I saw her throughout this and we went out on occasional nights/days out. She eventually got back with the ex and is now in a big house, her DD is a teenager etc. But she also got another job, part time.

Go for promotions and it is shit for a lot of people and will get worse for many. I don't know how the government manages to bleat on about help for people but my energy bills like many have risen not gone down.

Honestly, you could have rabies and someone on here would say be grateful it’s not a heart attack.

OP, I think you’ve probably explored your practical options already. Just know that finances can and often do change dramatically over time - you won’t always be this hard up. One day you will find yourself putting things in the trolley on a whim and it’ll occur to you how much has changed.

OP please please do not feel you have to justify yourself to smug, judgemental posters like RussianSpy.

I don't know if this will help at all but 20 years ago I was in a very similar position to you. I wasn't living with my parents but they paid my nursery fees as I just could not afford to live, not going to go into the circumstances but an abusive relationship that I managed to leave meant that I was absolutely, absolutely skint. I used to dread party invitations at nursery as that meant a tenner on a gift which I didn't have. I knew the price of absolutely everything in the supermarket and could never deviate from my shopping list to buy treats, always just the basics as I was on such a tight budget. I was earning 10k a year and in a job I hated.

20 years on and a career change later things are good. I found a job with my transferable skills that meant I could progress quite quickly and found myself able to buy a house and pay for things like holidays. The point of my post is not so much to offer practical advice but to tell you it is possible for things to get better.

Life is really hard when you're skint and it seems that everyone else has money. Just remember that luck absolutely plays a part and that the smug lecturing people full of judgement and advice probably do not want to admit to themselves that their fortunate situations owe a lot to luck.

Wishing you all the best.

I can see it's not much comfort now @bananatwain but you are on an upward trajectory. Youve got rid of your awful abusive ex, you're housed and as your son gets older your childcare costs will start to decrease and you'll be able to stop struggling to stay afloat and start swimming. If you have the sort of career where you can progress your salary will increase (and if not you could maybe consider retraining). Maybe you'll never own a property but I think you could certainly anticipate one day having your own home and a good life. You're just in the really tough bit now.

Things will be a lot easier once your child is at school. I remember that time and it made a HUGE difference. I know that £700 probably won't be enough for rent by itself but if you stay in work you will hopefully be promoted by then.