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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have followed this teen girl?

235 replies

FrightorFlight · 31/03/2022 13:29

On the school run yesterday I had to run into the supermarket to grab some bits. As I drove around the car park towards the exit I saw a teenage girl in school uniform talking to an adult male. She looked a little uncomfortable and upset. Halfway down the next row of cars I decided to swing back past and see if she had gone. She was walking ahead of the man who then veered off towards the supermarket doors and her in the opposite direction.
She was on the phone and visibly upset. The way the car park works you end up driving past the path the girl exited on. As she crossed the road she finished on her phone so I pulled over and wound my window down (pressed my window down?) and asked if she was ok. Just explained I had seen her talking to the guy, did she know him? She said it was her boss and I commented that she seemed a bit upset. Turns out she had lost her bank card.
Once we got home I was telling Dh and said 'is it weird that I did that?'
Dh says 'yeah, a bit'
Dd1 who is 16 then tells me her and her two friends were approached close to where we were by three adult males on Saturday afternoon. So on one hand it could have been something sinister and on the other hand I'm following a girl round a car park!

OP posts:
Electriq · 31/03/2022 19:33

No wierd at all, we all need to look out for each other.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/03/2022 20:40

I've pretended to be random teenage girls' school teacher before now when I've seen them in what look like awkward situations.

You know how a kid would usually literally DIE if their teacher saw them in the street and recognised them, much worse, spoke to them? They've all fallen in with the pretence so I could silently say 'You OK?' and give them the chance to reply - one needed to ask me at great length about her homework and I've had some conversations about GCSE options, whether it's better to sit the Foundation or Higher paper, all of which have strangely led to males leaving the area.

It's worth the risk of getting a 'look' or being told to fuck off - which hasn't happened yet.

Original poster
FrightorFlight · 31/03/2022 21:36

@VyeBrator

I don't believe you think for a second you think you did the wrong thing or that it was weird, especially given the updates about your DD, but well done anyway.
I'm a people pleaser. Sometimes I'm unsure where the line is. Dd told me the stories after this happened.
OP posts:
StopStartStop · 31/03/2022 21:57

'but what happened with the boy that was being punched?'

He thought it was hilarious that he was being rescued by some local granny, gave me a huge smile and a wave and mouthed something like 'It's ok!' They could tell what I was about and clearly expected that kind of behaviour from old women. They wandered off together and I drove round the block just to be sure they hadn't found somewhere quiet to carry out an actual assault.

Nnique · 31/03/2022 22:00

Not weird at all and tbh the fact that your DH doesn’t get it says it all really about the difference between men and women’s experiences in life.

RoseGoldEagle · 31/03/2022 22:15

If makes me feel a bit better knowing there are people like you in the world. I’d have done the same and hope someone would for my girls (or my boy for that matter if he seemed to be having issues). Thank you.

RoseGoldEagle · 31/03/2022 22:16

Not weird at all and tbh the fact that your DH doesn’t get it says it all really about the difference between men and women’s experiences in life.

Completely agree with this

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 31/03/2022 22:31

I always do this.
Even if I just think that guy seems to be walking a bit close to that woman/girl.
Always from a distance but would never want to risk another woman /girl feeling or being unsafe

Ohyesiam · 31/03/2022 22:47

No need to second guess yourself op, you had her best interests at heart.

CrossyRoad · 31/03/2022 23:44

If anyone did this for any of my children I would be so grateful and would absolutely do the same.

HRTWT and I’m fully prepared to be flamed for sexism here. It’s perhaps a bit different for men, IME blokes are usually more likely to step in when bad situations are really obvious. Suspect my DH would think twice about approaching in this scenario - because he wouldn’t want to look like some kind of stranger danger. That might be your DH’s thinking.

Porcupineintherough · 01/04/2022 09:17

@CrossyRoad that's not sexism it is common sense. If the OPs dh had done the same as the OP in this situation, he'd likely have frightened the poor girl and made her worried about bring followed.

NannaKaren · 01/04/2022 18:09

Well done we should all do the right thing and look out for each other x

NdefH81 · 01/04/2022 18:11

What the heck does regarding yourself as a “people pleaser” mean you’d think this was unreasonable of you OP? Confused

OrlandointheWilderness · 01/04/2022 18:11

Tbh men probably would think it's weird because if a man did the same it would look strange.

NdefH81 · 01/04/2022 18:15

@CrossyRoad

If anyone did this for any of my children I would be so grateful and would absolutely do the same.

HRTWT and I’m fully prepared to be flamed for sexism here. It’s perhaps a bit different for men, IME blokes are usually more likely to step in when bad situations are really obvious. Suspect my DH would think twice about approaching in this scenario - because he wouldn’t want to look like some kind of stranger danger. That might be your DH’s thinking.

Yes but would he describe you as being “odd” if you told him you did it?

Because to be married to someone who would call me odd for doing this? No thanks

Cleanbedlinen12 · 01/04/2022 18:17

Please do it. When I was young we drove passed what looked like litter - a bundle of rags on the verge it was late and dark , we didn’t think to stop and later my bf. Told me it had been on the local news and had been a person.

KisstheTeapot14 · 01/04/2022 18:25

Slightly different angle, but listening to a pod cast about different people who had saved someone's life this afto.

Guy who looked distressed near underground platform edge. No one did anything (even after messages over the tannoy) but one man way down the platform spotted it was amiss and walked up to the guy and just simply put his arm around him. That was enough. Seems very, very likely he would have jumped and the railway staff wouldn't have got there in time.

The staff thanked the man, not only for preventing a suicide but also on behalf of the tube driver. Similar story here as well -

Many people just look the other way, as they are embarrassed or think its not their business. I always wonder, what if some brave soul had walked up to Sarah Everard and asked was everything OK? (I know that had an extra layer of complexity due to that horrible man being part of the police at the time).

Sometimes it might just give a person the breathing space they need to get out of a bad situation.

monsterpup · 01/04/2022 18:27

Much better to do something potentially a bit weird than not step in and something awful happen !

Ottolin3 · 01/04/2022 18:29

I don’t see any problem and applaud you for looking out for her, I can imagine you would wish the same for your daughter.

KisstheTeapot14 · 01/04/2022 18:30

@NeverDropYourMooncup I am going to keep that excellent strategy in mind if I ever need it.

Brilliant idea - and the fact that the girls twigged that you were an ally.

Gold star genius.

We gotta look out for each other, that's for sure. I am really heartened by all these stories of women stepping in.

harveythehorse · 01/04/2022 18:30

Not weird, I hope that someone would do the same for my DD in the future should she be in similar distress.

featheryfancy · 01/04/2022 18:41

Not weird at all and I'd be grateful to anyone who did similar for me.

I think a lot of men might think this a bit of a weird reaction however, as said by lots of PP that's likely because they've never dealt with the harassment that women and girls experience from men every day!

Wam90 · 01/04/2022 18:54

I’d like to know that people would do this for my daughter if she was ever in a similar situation.
You absolutely did the right thing.

Comedycook · 01/04/2022 18:57

Ok this situation is a bit different but I did hang round because I was worried for some boys in a shop. So I was in a supermarket using the self service tills. A group of black teenage boys were using the ones near me...I think their race is relevant before anyone says anything. They paid but didn't press the button asking if they wanted a receipt and went to walk out. Suddenly the woman supervising the tills get on her walkie talkie thing screaming hysterically that they had no receipts. I hung round to make sure the boys weren't stopped on leaving (they weren't) and if they had been I would have absolutely said something in their defence. Disgusting prejudice. I often don't get a receipt when shopping but as a white woman, no shop assistant starts hysterically screaming about it. I have a mixed race teenage ds and I tell him to never leave any shop without a receipt after seeing that.

Lostinmiddleage · 01/04/2022 19:01

Absolutely the right thing to do!