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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have followed this teen girl?

235 replies

FrightorFlight · 31/03/2022 13:29

On the school run yesterday I had to run into the supermarket to grab some bits. As I drove around the car park towards the exit I saw a teenage girl in school uniform talking to an adult male. She looked a little uncomfortable and upset. Halfway down the next row of cars I decided to swing back past and see if she had gone. She was walking ahead of the man who then veered off towards the supermarket doors and her in the opposite direction.
She was on the phone and visibly upset. The way the car park works you end up driving past the path the girl exited on. As she crossed the road she finished on her phone so I pulled over and wound my window down (pressed my window down?) and asked if she was ok. Just explained I had seen her talking to the guy, did she know him? She said it was her boss and I commented that she seemed a bit upset. Turns out she had lost her bank card.
Once we got home I was telling Dh and said 'is it weird that I did that?'
Dh says 'yeah, a bit'
Dd1 who is 16 then tells me her and her two friends were approached close to where we were by three adult males on Saturday afternoon. So on one hand it could have been something sinister and on the other hand I'm following a girl round a car park!

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 31/03/2022 13:58

Being dragged by the arm that should say

Bintymcbintface · 31/03/2022 14:03

I was ready to vote YABU based on the title of your post alone but no, certainly not unreasonable at all. You saw a young girl with an older man looking uncomfortable and upset and its not a bad thing that you were looking out for her safety and making sure she was alright

Narutocrazyfox · 31/03/2022 14:08

Well done to you OP. It's encouraging to know that people are looking out for one another. Teenagers often lack the awareness/skills/experience to get themselves out of tricky situations. Had this been my daughter I would be so pleased you had stopped to help even if that help wasn't needed in this instance.

Worldgonecrazy · 31/03/2022 14:11

Women need to look out for other women, you absolutely did the right thing.

Therealjudgejudy · 31/03/2022 14:13

You did the right thing OP. Better safe then sorry

SucculentChalice · 31/03/2022 14:15

I think thats a brilliant thing for you to have done OP Flowers

Googlecanthelpme · 31/03/2022 14:15

No it wasn’t weird OP. It was very astute of you and I wish more people were like this.
We need to stop minding our own business so much. (Despite what MN says sometimes)

With respect, I wouldn’t expect a man to really understand why you did this. They don’t have the same life experience as girls and women and cannot truly understand the risk we are at.

(And yes some men do understand it of course - in theory. They don’t understand it as a lived experience, hence why some would think it’s a weird thing to do)

Eachdaygoesby · 31/03/2022 14:18

Well done op. You did the right thing.

One of my teens was approached by an older man on a railway platform when she was wearing uniform on her way home from school when she was 13 and not very confident. He was acting strangely and she couldn't shake him off and went to sit on a bench and he followed her and sat too close by. She then stood up again and was really upset looking around for ways to escape and caught the eye of another bloke on the opposite platform who signalled to the stairs and by the time she had got there he had got a member of staff and they both stayed with her while she rang me. The world needs other adults to keep an eye out for vulnerable people and DC in distress!

Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 14:19

You did the right thing , I'm still saddened at your husband's attitude though.

Rosehugger · 31/03/2022 14:21

Well done, OP. The more people feel that society is anonymous and not looking out for one another men will think they can get away with targeting young women and girls.

PegasusReturns · 31/03/2022 14:25

Absolutely the right thing.

There’s a clip on Twitter today where some young women confront a bloke on the bus who is upsetting a young woman and it’s so heartening to know that people do still step in.

Gizacluethen · 31/03/2022 14:27

I have done the same when i saw a man on his moped riding slow by a woman walking alone at night. He rode off when he clocked me.

emmathedilemma · 31/03/2022 14:29

Not odd at all!
I ran past a teenage girl sitting crying on the kerb a while ago (suspect she'd been at an all night party!). As I went on I couldn't live with myself leaving her there so ran back round the block to ask if she was ok. She said her mum was coming to pick her up and she had a mobile so I ran on happy that she was safe.

irishfarmer · 31/03/2022 14:30

Completely the right thing to do. Not the same situation but I have asked questions before to make sure another woman is ok.

@Eachdaygoesby that is so creepy! I'm glad your DD was ok.

Tubs11 · 31/03/2022 14:30

Would have done the same OP, not weird at all

debwong · 31/03/2022 14:31

Not weird. YANBU.

Onthetoadagain · 31/03/2022 14:31

You did a kind, caring thing. Not weird at all. And you weren't following her in any intimidating way, you made yourself known and addressed her to ask if she was alright.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 31/03/2022 14:32

Yanbu.
Keeping an eye on what it going on around you and questioning it if needs be is so important. Kids, teens, women, the elderly. I have always done it, not virtue signalling but it makes a difference I feel. As I've got older I suppose I've got bolder but I'd rather do it than be the last person to someone in a crime watch reconstruction!
Added to which, I have that face, the one that people see as non threatening and just ask for help.

VickyEadieofThigh · 31/03/2022 14:34

You absolutely did the right thing.

Georgeskitchen · 31/03/2022 14:34

You did the right thing. A few years ago I noticed an unaccompanied toddler age about 2 in a supermarket. I was quite concerned so I followed her at a safe distance. I followed her down about 4 aisles then she shouted mummy!! Mummy was quite unconcerned that her toddler had been wandering around alone for quite some time.
I still shudder when I think about it!!

SpiderinaWingMirror · 31/03/2022 14:35

And I think that most men wouldn't do anything.
But I think of, and thank, the anonymous middle aged man "he looked like a Dad" who gave DD £20 to get home at 18 when her bag was stolen off her in London.

Usernameismyname01 · 31/03/2022 14:40

i have done this on numerous occasion and will continue to do so.

It stemmed from watching crimewatch (years ago) where a young girl was at a bus stop and a man tried engaging in conversation with her. She kept moving away and he eventually moved her to near an alley way where he then got her down it and proceeded to rape her. There were people at that bus stop that could see she was anxious but still did nothing - i remember thinking how could they not help and if i ever saw anything remotely like this, i would intervene.

Also, the Jamie Bulger case.... they walked past numerous people and they should have been stopped way before anything happened to that little boy

SalsaLove · 31/03/2022 14:40

Back in the 70s when hitch hiking was popular in the U.S., my mother always picked up the females to make sure they were safe. This was also during the time of Ted Bundy.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 31/03/2022 14:43

I have done the same as well-

Always better to check and have everything be ok than to avert your eyes and miss and chance to help someone in need

Too many people just walk on by

CaMePlaitPas · 31/03/2022 14:43

I always look out for young girls and women on the street. I would also ask a young boy/man if he was OK if I saw an exchange and they were upset. You're a decent human being OP, nothing weird here at all.

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