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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have followed this teen girl?

235 replies

FrightorFlight · 31/03/2022 13:29

On the school run yesterday I had to run into the supermarket to grab some bits. As I drove around the car park towards the exit I saw a teenage girl in school uniform talking to an adult male. She looked a little uncomfortable and upset. Halfway down the next row of cars I decided to swing back past and see if she had gone. She was walking ahead of the man who then veered off towards the supermarket doors and her in the opposite direction.
She was on the phone and visibly upset. The way the car park works you end up driving past the path the girl exited on. As she crossed the road she finished on her phone so I pulled over and wound my window down (pressed my window down?) and asked if she was ok. Just explained I had seen her talking to the guy, did she know him? She said it was her boss and I commented that she seemed a bit upset. Turns out she had lost her bank card.
Once we got home I was telling Dh and said 'is it weird that I did that?'
Dh says 'yeah, a bit'
Dd1 who is 16 then tells me her and her two friends were approached close to where we were by three adult males on Saturday afternoon. So on one hand it could have been something sinister and on the other hand I'm following a girl round a car park!

OP posts:
AHungryCaterpillar · 31/03/2022 16:18

So I said I don’t want trouble brought to me when I’m with my children? Far better to approach another lone female than someone with kids im not sure what help she would think a person with kids could do against a man, I think that’s actually bad advice and kids shouldn’t be brought into it.

ENoeuf · 31/03/2022 16:18

@TeloMere it only occurred to me afterwards really that they might be a couple - initially I thought they might not know each other. It’s very difficult to make a split second decision really.

SpaceJamtart · 31/03/2022 16:21

I am forever grateful to the very tall and very loud lady who ran across the road to me saying something like "oh there you are Darling I wondered where you'd gone" and then walked with me because she had noticed a man following me for quite a while.

I hadnt noticed him and it was dark and I don't know what would have happened if she hadn't turned up and scared him off.

Saracen · 31/03/2022 16:26

Assuming you're a woman, you did the right thing. If you're a man, I'm not sure what the best thing to do would have been. For a young woman, it can feel creepy to have a man pull up and ask if she's okay when she's alone.

CoffeeAlwaysTired · 31/03/2022 16:26

My dd once got accidentally left in a park at an activity she did 😱 no idea how they forgot her but they did and they had gone back to the centre

A dad who had dc at same school as dd was at the park with his kids and he called his wife who called me he said he didn’t want to do the wrong thing and approach dd (9 at the time) but he was watching and wouldn’t let her leave or anyone approach her till we got there

Moodycow78 · 31/03/2022 16:26

You did exactly what any mother would hope a passerby would do for their daughter in this situation. It could have been nothing but we all know there's a good chance she may have been in trouble, it's concerning your DH wouldn't have reacted at all Tbh

DomesticatedZombie · 31/03/2022 16:28

I'm a mum; if you are a younger woman and ever worried or in a difficult situation come and sit by me, talk to me, make eye contact. Of course I'll bloody help.

Thank you to the strangers who have looked out for me in similar situations - never forgotten.

And thank you to anyone who looks out for my kids if they ever find themselves in this situation.

LittleWhingingWoman · 31/03/2022 16:28

If more people did the same more young women would be alive today.

Hullabaloo31 · 31/03/2022 16:28

@StrawberrySquash

YANBU. I think part of why DH thinks it is weird is because he would be seen less positively than you would be for doing what you did. So to him it feels more stalky.
Absolutely this, the good ones can't win can they. I know my H would always help a lone kid or teen, but he'd find a woman to help pretty quickly, or at least to be there whilst he helped.
Tamrastarr · 31/03/2022 16:29

My daughter spotted a young boy, with a man, in a parked car and she said the man was hitting the boy. I stopped our car and went to the car and asked the boy if he was ok. The man, who was wearing a priest's collar, made up some story. The boy said he was ok. I went back to my car and phoned the police and gave full details, including car reg, but to this day I wish I had got the boy out of that car. Always trust your instincts!

Tabitha005 · 31/03/2022 16:31

I'm thankful that women look out for other women and girls, and I think I would have done the same in your situation, OP.

FlyingUnicornWings · 31/03/2022 16:32

100% the right thing. Don’t worry.

RagingRagingAndMoreRaging · 31/03/2022 16:34

It takes a village. Great you did that. We should all look out for each other if we can do so safely.

DdraigGoch · 31/03/2022 16:37

Better safe than sorry.

BlueOverYellow · 31/03/2022 16:38

If I was her parent, I would have thanked you for having her back.

Too many people look the other way when pre-teen and teen GIRLS are being hit on and harassed by MEN.

Seraphinesupport · 31/03/2022 16:38

i hope someone nice follows my daughter is they ever think she may be in a dangerous position

Tarkan · 31/03/2022 16:42

@Rawmum30

Not read all the pages, but may I say can we all look out for each other, not just girls? No offence intended, but I would think there are times when young, old, male or female are sometimes unknowingly as well as knowingly vulnerable. Also, if anyone tries to help you out, but you’re actually ok, try not to give the concerned person a hard time… yes it’s happen, and to others no doubt. Better safe than sorry.
It's actually becoming a thing for me to somehow find someone in need when I'm out. My family actually joke about it now but I can't help wanting to help others. Blush

Saturday past, same night as the drinks I was watching, I came across a man just a couple of years younger than me leaning against a wall looking worse for wear. I managed to arrange a taxi to get him safely home thanks to a friend at a local taxi office finding one who would take him home. I know the area well and there's no way he would have been able to walk all the way back to his street from where we were.

I've also helped a tipsy neighbour who tripped and split his head open on the pavement near my house and even as a teenager I found a guy lying down in the middle of a road at a t-junction. Thankfully it was quiet at the time, but the road isn't usually so he was lucky. I managed to get him up and home too.

Benjispruce5 · 31/03/2022 16:52

I do things like this. It’s not weird it’s kind. I have DDs 18 &21 and I’d be grateful if you were around if they were in need.Flowers

Whatwouldscullydo · 31/03/2022 16:53

So I said I don’t want trouble brought to me when I’m with my children? Far better to approach another lone female than someone with kids im not sure what help she would think a person with kids could do against a man, I think that’s actually bad advice and kids shouldn’t be brought into it

Kids are already involved. These are someone's kids we are talking about being harassed. If you are there and able to help I think you should tbh. What happens if the next person " passes her on" to someone else who also doesn't want to get involved.

How would you feel if that's your dd no one helps?

RachelGreeneGreep · 31/03/2022 16:56

You did the right thing. I would have done the same.

lindyloo57 · 31/03/2022 17:03

I did this , opposite where I live, a young couple were arguing, there a was a young child in a pushchair between them, he was being aggressive pointing his finger at the adults face, she was backing in a hedge, the child was visible upset, I had to go out and just try and calm him down, I just said please think of your child who is very upset, they did stop arguing and walk away, my DS said I should of kept out of it, he could of thumped me, I couldn't do nothing.

BlueCookieMonster · 31/03/2022 17:04

Given some of the stuff in the news over the last few years, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

pinkpapaya · 31/03/2022 17:04

I don't think it is ever wrong to listen to your instinct in these situations. I am sure that her mother would rather another woman express some concern and keep an eye on her in what might potentially be a dangerous or distressing situation. If she had been my daughter, I would be grateful that people cared enough to worry about young girls in distress.

courgettigreensadwater · 31/03/2022 17:05

I'd probably do the same. I'd rather be told to do one and mine my own than read something on the news the next day.

Original poster
FrightorFlight · 31/03/2022 17:08

@morningtoncrescent62

When my eldest was 15 (she's now nearly 30, where does the time go?) a man stopped her our busy local high street asking for directions which she gave. He prolonged the conversation, saying he didn't understand, and eventually asked if she'd go with him some of the way to point out the way he should go. She said no but he kept asking, and it's difficult for a shy teenager to say a firm no to an adult man. Eventually she ended it by walking away, terrified that he would follow her, and she would soon have been out of the populated area. A little further down the street she was approached by a woman who'd seen what was happening, and asked if my DD was OK. Just having that breathing-and-calm-down space prompted DD, who by then wasn't thinking sensibly, to realise that she could get help, and she went into the local cafe where she was well known, told them what had happened, and waited there until I could come and pick her up.

I'll never know who that woman was but I'll always be grateful to her. You did the right thing.

Similar to what dd1 told me happened at the weekend. Group of three adult men asked her and her two friends where was good to eat locally and then pestered and pestered when they pointed them towards the retail park. In the end her older friend said 'we've told you where it is. We are leaving now' and they walked away.
OP posts:
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