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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have followed this teen girl?

235 replies

FrightorFlight · 31/03/2022 13:29

On the school run yesterday I had to run into the supermarket to grab some bits. As I drove around the car park towards the exit I saw a teenage girl in school uniform talking to an adult male. She looked a little uncomfortable and upset. Halfway down the next row of cars I decided to swing back past and see if she had gone. She was walking ahead of the man who then veered off towards the supermarket doors and her in the opposite direction.
She was on the phone and visibly upset. The way the car park works you end up driving past the path the girl exited on. As she crossed the road she finished on her phone so I pulled over and wound my window down (pressed my window down?) and asked if she was ok. Just explained I had seen her talking to the guy, did she know him? She said it was her boss and I commented that she seemed a bit upset. Turns out she had lost her bank card.
Once we got home I was telling Dh and said 'is it weird that I did that?'
Dh says 'yeah, a bit'
Dd1 who is 16 then tells me her and her two friends were approached close to where we were by three adult males on Saturday afternoon. So on one hand it could have been something sinister and on the other hand I'm following a girl round a car park!

OP posts:
PastMyBestBeforeDate · 31/03/2022 13:33

The police were called when someone spotted my teen in a situation they were concerned about. As it was she wasn't in any danger. I knocked on the door of the woman who we thought had called them. She was so relieved when I said I was there to say thank you :)

Original poster
FrightorFlight · 31/03/2022 13:35

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

The police were called when someone spotted my teen in a situation they were concerned about. As it was she wasn't in any danger. I knocked on the door of the woman who we thought had called them. She was so relieved when I said I was there to say thank you :)
So glad other people are on the look out. And glad your dd is ok. Smile
OP posts:
Thatswhyimacat · 31/03/2022 13:35

It's not like you followed her to her front door and skulked outside. As soon as you could you made your presence known and asked if she was OK, I don't think that's weird.

ENoeuf · 31/03/2022 13:36

I stopped at night because a bloke was aggressively shouting at a woman while walking backwards in front of her. I’d driven past and then turned round because I just had a niggle. Asked her if she was ok and be answered twice for her. I said ‘I’m asking the woman’ and she said she was fine and thanked me. Clearly he was furious if interfered but who knows?

123rd · 31/03/2022 13:36

I would have done the same - and have done similar in the past.

YoYoYoYoSup · 31/03/2022 13:36

You absolutely did the right thing. Keep doing it 👏

Moltenpink · 31/03/2022 13:36

Yanbu. It was wise to check

Nubnamechange · 31/03/2022 13:37

Not weird and I pray to God that people do this for my girls.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 31/03/2022 13:37

Exactly @FrightorFlight. It's nice to know other people are looking out for your dc.

trussedchicken · 31/03/2022 13:38

YWNBU. I would've been inclined to do the same. Sadly we live in a world where looking out for women is more necessary than ever.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 31/03/2022 13:38

As the mother of a 15 year old DD I'd always want people to stop if they saw her under those circumstances. Your DH would think it was weird as, as usual, men just don't get it!

DowntonCrabby · 31/03/2022 13:38

I’d rather stop, ask and be wrong 100 times than miss one chance to help a young woman.

As the Mum of a later teen DD I’d be so grateful to anyone who checked to see she was ok. Flowers

Hallmark1234 · 31/03/2022 13:39

I don't think it's weird at all. I would do exactly what you did if I saw this.

quitefranklyabsurd · 31/03/2022 13:39

Surely much better to ask and it be nothing than to ignore and then the worst happen.

More people need to do what you did - it could save a life one day.

AlexaShutUp · 31/03/2022 13:40

Well, it turned out to be nothing, but how would you have felt if you'd heard later that she wasn't OK. It's always better to check imo. If it was my dd, I would be grateful to you.

thenewduchessoflapland · 31/03/2022 13:40

I'd have done the same.It's better to have been wrong than see the news that a local teenager is missing or has been assaulted.

RonObvious · 31/03/2022 13:40

Men don't get it though. I honestly think that if most men really knew the levels of harrassment that women can face they would be horrified. Not to mention that this harrassment can start from the age of 12/13. I don't think what you did was weird at all - you were concerned and just checked that everything was okay. I was regularly followed by a man when I was a teen, and the police just dismissed it as "someone with a crush", and told me to walk a different way to school.

Original poster
FrightorFlight · 31/03/2022 13:42

@sparepantsandtoothbrush

As the mother of a 15 year old DD I'd always want people to stop if they saw her under those circumstances. Your DH would think it was weird as, as usual, men just don't get it!
I think that's it. He's a lovely bloke but he's a man. He tries but I guess if you've not had it happen regularly to you as women do then you just can't understand it. Thanks all. Glad I don't come across as strange for what I did Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
FrightorFlight · 31/03/2022 13:43

@RonObvious

Men don't get it though. I honestly think that if most men really knew the levels of harrassment that women can face they would be horrified. Not to mention that this harrassment can start from the age of 12/13. I don't think what you did was weird at all - you were concerned and just checked that everything was okay. I was regularly followed by a man when I was a teen, and the police just dismissed it as "someone with a crush", and told me to walk a different way to school.
ShockHmmthat's shocking. But that's what we were told as young girls I think. The onus is always on us not to get 'into trouble'
OP posts:
emuloc · 31/03/2022 13:43

@ENoeuf

I stopped at night because a bloke was aggressively shouting at a woman while walking backwards in front of her. I’d driven past and then turned round because I just had a niggle. Asked her if she was ok and be answered twice for her. I said ‘I’m asking the woman’ and she said she was fine and thanked me. Clearly he was furious if interfered but who knows?
I would have called the Police in that situation.
dottydodah · 31/03/2022 13:45

I think you did the right thing TBH. I would rather feel a bit "nosy" than feel I ignored a situation which could have turned out badly .Young girls /older males is always worth investigating!

FloraPostePosts · 31/03/2022 13:45

Many years ago (over 30) as a teen, I got all flustered during a driving lesson, trying to do a three-point turn in a country lane. It wasn’t the fault of my instructor, who was a lovely gentle man, but it was so nice when a passing driver (male) stopped and asked if I was okay. I would always rather people were on the alert and willing to just ask the question if it’s needed. I would have been glad if you did this for me or my child.

Men, who don’t have the experiences we do to make us hypervigilant, may never properly understand why this behaviour is needed, but hopefully the good ones will do it anyway if women tell them it helps.

CantChatNow · 31/03/2022 13:50

You did the right thing, I would do the same.

Whatwouldscullydo · 31/03/2022 13:57

I'd have done the same.i have a 15 year old dd and I'd be relieved to know others were looking out for her.

I've done similar before. Called the police on a distressed looking woman being who came into my work. Police called ne back to say they'd found the couple in question and all.was om. The one time I've seen them take something seriously and they didn't seem to mind me calling.

Better safe than sorry tbh.

YorkshireLass81 · 31/03/2022 13:58

I think you did the right thing too. I've intervened a couple of times in different situations as I'd rather feel embarrassed because I've got it wrong than guilty as I missed an opportunity to stop someone from coming to harm. One involved a young teenage girl sat by herself by a canal in the dark who it turned out was just waiting for a friend to smoke with. The other was a young man stood looking upset by a river who turned out to be contemplating suicide after an argument with his girlfriend. Just being aware and asking a question can make a difference