Page 6 | To absolutely HATE unannounced visitors

pinkpapaya · 2022-03-30T22:03:09+00:00

I know that I am a bit territorial over my space but I absolutely hate people who just 'drop in' unannounced! I could be in my knickers with a face mask in the middle of the day, having a bad migraine or just fancy uninterrupted time but no, apparently some people think that they can just visit when ever it is convenient for them. It really bugs me. I have actually hidden when the door knocks sometimes because I just can't face the small talk or having to have the house in 'show room' condition. My mum doesn't understand it as she loves visitors whether she has warning or not but to me it feels like an invasion of privacy. She has told me that I am unsociable but am I being unreasonable to expect a call or a text to ask if it is even convenient for them to come?

phoenixrosehere · 01/04/2022 10:47

Well, personally I think you all have sad little lives if it is too much trouble to welcome a family member or a friend into your home without having advance warning that they are coming. Where I live people still say "If you're in the neighbourhood call in for a coffee" and mean it.

It may shock you (brace yourself) but not everywhere is like where you live and many of us have other things going on without people just popping by unannounced because they can’t be bothered to check and/or think everyone is available when they desire.It may be that we also want to give people our undivided attention vs having to tell them to please bugger off because we’re busy with xyz or just want to be left alone which is more than allowed and reasonable because it is our home. It takes less than a minute to check with the person whose home you are deciding to visit. It is not sad to expect people to be considerate when it comes to your home and time.

blubbabubba · 01/04/2022 13:59

@SquirrelG

Well, personally I think you all have sad little lives if it is too much trouble to welcome a family member or a friend into your home without having advance warning that they are coming. Where I live people still say "If you're in the neighbourhood call in for a coffee" and mean it.

Found the annoying neighbour everybody hides upstairs from. @SquirrelG Maybe stop intruding, then you'll get an invite.

Greenpolkadot · 01/04/2022 20:54

I hate it..pre arranged or not.
Having said that I usually really enjoy the visit and then curse myself for being antisocial.

hangrylady · 01/04/2022 21:10

To those who hate unannounced guests, does this also apply to your kids friends? I know people who still insist on arranging fucking 'play dates' for 11 year olds. FFS just get your kid to knock and see if their friends can play!

DFOD · 01/04/2022 21:14

@hangrylady

To those who hate unannounced guests, does this also apply to your kids friends? I know people who still insist on arranging fucking 'play dates' for 11 year olds. FFS just get your kid to knock and see if their friends can play!

No - we have an open house policy - teens in and out all the time - but I don’t have to entertain them and they don’t interrupt what I am doing as they disappear off to bedrooms / TV room.

LookMoreCloselier · 01/04/2022 21:20

@hangrylady My eldest is 13, they do arrange via WhatsApp but if they get no response they are impatient and will just drop by anyway. This doesn't bother me, I don't need to drop what I am doing to entertain them nor are they noticing whether the dusting has been done. It's also easy to say to them sorry we are busy if it's a bad time and they just leave no worries.

mamabr · 01/04/2022 21:33

Omg absolutely nightmare, the only person I wouldn't be a raging bull about would be my mum to just drop in. But I still don't like to not have warning and that's only because my daughter loves her nana that much.
Anyone else, I wouldn't even answer the door.

imjustanerd · 01/04/2022 21:46

I agree op, I absolutely hate unannounced visitors. My home is my private space and my time in it is my time to escape and relax.

1984Winston · 01/04/2022 21:53

I'm so glad I read this post as I thought I was odd hating people just turning up, having a real issue with one friend doing this a couple of times a week and it's making my anxiety worse. Especially when she comments on bottles in the recycling and starts reading invitations that are on the fridge. I haven't been invited round her house for years

StoneofDestiny · 01/04/2022 22:01

I'd welcome a text first asking if it's ok to pop round. Too often I'm in the middle of something - resting in scruffs, face mask on, washing floor, tidying out cupboards etc. Once the momentum is lost it's hard to get back to what you are doing.

Don't get why you'd not just ask!

whyrusoangry · 01/04/2022 22:06

I never, ever have guests in my home.

I feel like my home is my safe space and I don't want to entertain anyone there. It's for me, DH and our children.

I always meet at a mutual venue. Unless I'm taking the children to their grandparents for a visit - both sets love the children being there.

But a huge no from me re visitors, never mind unannounced!

blubbabubba · 02/04/2022 09:22

@hangrylady

To those who hate unannounced guests, does this also apply to your kids friends? I know people who still insist on arranging fucking 'play dates' for 11 year olds. FFS just get your kid to knock and see if their friends can play!

That's different to me having to interrupt my work or other plans, to do chit chat. Kids friends are fine, just provide snacks and leave them to it.

Shinyandnew1 · 02/04/2022 09:40

No, that doesn’t bother me in the slightest-that doesn’t require me to tidy up or stop what I’m doing.

Alarchbach · 02/04/2022 09:44

Drives me batty too old. My grandparents are the worst and think they can just pop over anytime, despite the fact we’re working from home, or just about to go out, or in the middle of a meal.
I’ve tried talking, going apeshit, they just don’t get it, and don’t see why they should make an appointment.
Is bloody selfish. It’s convenient for them to come now and that’s that, the fact that it’s not convenient for me doesn’t count.
I stopped answering the door.

Norgie · 02/04/2022 10:07

I don't mind it at all.
The kettle is always on and there's cake in the tin.

cleanasawhistle · 02/04/2022 10:32

Doesnt happen to us very often .

Worse one was Christmas Day .
OH opened door to his dad and partner and they stayed about 4 hours.
Not a close relationship,I dont really know them so it felt really awkward.
Luckily we had already had xmas dinner,washed up etc

phoenixrosehere · 02/04/2022 10:51

To those who hate unannounced guests, does this also apply to your kids friends? I know people who still insist on arranging fucking 'play dates' for 11 year olds. FFS just get your kid to knock and see if their friends can play!

They’re not old enough yet and it will be awhile (7 yo is autistic and says a handful of words, the youngest is 4) but when I was a kid, I either asked my parents if I could go outside and kids just met at the playground or I would just hang out with friends directly after school and then go home.

My parents worked so weren’t home and I wasn’t allowed to have friends over if they weren’t there. I also didn’t go into a friend’s home unless I asked my parents and their parents knew I was coming. It involved me asking my parents and a friend asking their parents and we’d call each other the same day and let the other know if it was ok, especially if a parent wasn’t going to be home. I expect mine to do the same so both sides of parents knew what was going on and in any case something happened.

I’m glad my parents raised me that way tbh. Saying that, I enjoy and prefer meeting up with friends out and about than just sitting in my or their home.

TwizMoo · 02/04/2022 10:52

My in laws do this a lot, it wouldnt even occur to them to call and check if we are busy/home. Its totally alien to me as I'm very much a text ahead to check if it's ok person.

The thing I find most annoying is when certain relatives of ours turn up at meal times, knowing what time we eat dinner. They don't expect to be fed or anything but they just loiter in the same room while we eat and I think it's so rude. Once is excusable but this happens often.

WomanStanleyWoman · 02/04/2022 12:18

@Pinkpigs

my own mum was one that would want a heads up on everything if you came around without her say so on her days she wouldn't open the door so on it was stupit as the years past everyone got sick of it and stopped going to her sad really coz shes missed so much i understand that we all want a day to our selfs but I dont want to end up Like my mum know one around not even her own children just becoz know one can keep up with her rules i think she only sees the post man now

So you all miss your mum sooooo much, but rather than thinking ‘Mum prefers us to call first, so I’ll pick up the phone and see when she’s free’, you, and apparently the rest of the family, all dug your heels in and decided that it was your way or no way?

She’s probably glad to be rid of you all. I don’t blame her for putting a full stop to it.

Youdoyoutoday · 02/04/2022 12:39

My mum used to do this to others all the time and I hated it. Now, as an adult, I would never do this to anyone.

hangrylady · 02/04/2022 12:41

"No - we have an open house policy - teens in and out all the time - but I don’t have to entertain them and they don’t interrupt what I am doing as they disappear off to bedrooms / TV room"
Very true. MY DD is 11 and I've always got kids round unannounced, but many of their parents want it to all be prearranged at their house, which drives me mad as I then need to get involved in planning it!

Hadalifeonce · 02/04/2022 12:44

I have no problem with unannounced visitors, but am happy to tell them the timing is not good.
Also, I am prepared to be told the same thing if I turn up without warning, although my first question is usually, is this a bad time? Totally happy to leave if it is.
YANBU to not like it.

WomanStanleyWoman · 02/04/2022 12:49

@SquirrelG

Well, personally I think you all have sad little lives if it is too much trouble to welcome a family member or a friend into your home without having advance warning that they are coming. Where I live people still say "If you're in the neighbourhood call in for a coffee" and mean it.

Maybe it’s precisely because we don’t have sad little lives that weren’t free for coffee at a moment’s notice…

CookPassBabtridge · 02/04/2022 13:06

Yep very rude and I have never done it to anyone else, it's like "I don't care what you're doing, you will make time for me" All it takes is a text to ask.
I wonder if it's mostly the older generation though. My mum and mum in law would never do it, but I remember growing up and allsorts of people just popping in. But my mum had to work hard keeping the house in visitor mode and being dressed all the time.
Fuck that! 😆
I love how things are gradually getting more relaxed. People hang out in the comfort of their pjs at home, don't sweat so much about a bit of mess. It's freeing of stifling societal expectations.

CookPassBabtridge · 02/04/2022 13:09

I wouldn't care about teens friends, that's different.. they are there for my kids and I wouldn't mind if they saw mess etc.