i have 2 kids(11,17) with complex disabilities each and both will freak out if some one turns up if visits are not prearranged. these rules applies to even family they love.
dont get it wrong we are not isolated or lonely we see family, friends and attend home ed groups very often its just visits have to be arranged before hand so the boys know.
they are also funny in to only going to houses they are happy with.
they love my parents house, my sisters (my 12 y old nephew is my youngest best friend as their is only 4 months between them and fully understands my youngest's needs and accepted him since birth)
but neither will enter my inlaws(well ex since 2020 when my ex after 22 years left us for my best friend overnight, but inlaws were not at fault on what their son did and didnt condone it and are still involved)their is no reason for it they just dont feel right there.
they also wont enter my nans house as she smokes heavily and will tell her so to her face why, this i understand i just dont get why not to mi inlaws.
'ive had many unwanted comments over the years from people (who haven't got a clue on disabilities and what the after effects causes from a upset) saying to me oh your letting them rule the roost ,to them its a non issue but to asd kids(and many more disabilities each)its a really big deal.
they get the f off its not your business of me or did i just ask for your opinion.
thankful family fully understand and my mother is my outside carer(when i need help as im a lone parent)
this house is their safe space(ive made it in to way more than the average house ,theres is things put in to place so they feel very safe, even though the area is very safe and we have been year nearly 10 years and its lovely here.
in fact we live practically in the forest on a mountain) and they feel comfortable/have a physical need to walk around naked as they both have severe sensory issues with clothes (yes im fed up of looking at privates)so if anyone knocked they run and panic.
in fact ive put up a laminated a3 sign in my front window saying unless invited or visits are prearranged dont knock as you wont get answered, it has a big red stop hand gesture.
strangers think its a joke sign but its for my kids benefit, ive had many of rows with cold callers. neighbours know the score and contact me other ways
back garden is as secure a a prison.
its also their education place(we home educate)so to them all aspects of their life are done here(they are not housebound or isolated as we also educate outside most days, its just their rigid way of thinking)
if i have a amazon delivery (which i do most days)kids have to be told and shown when they are due as they wont stop going on about it, even though they dont come in.
secretly i love the privacy as i dont appreciate unwanted visitors
so everyone we know only comes when arranged and not for long.
its funny though as both talk online with friends all the time and will accept a phone call/video call with no problem but if their best friend knocked the door they wont let them in but that person is allowed to be on call/video call in their bedroom(their most sacred safe space as im not allowed in with out permission)all night if they want.
you stick to your guns and dont let others peoples opinions make you do what you dont want .its your house your rules and your boundaries
make it very clear its not up for discussion. Those are my rules end of.
boundaries are a really big thing with me, bugger others peoples opinions and their entitlement that they opinions and needs trump yours.
ive read so many posts on here when they have written how much parents or in-laws(mainly mother in laws) overstep, walk in unannounced and just use their key, wont leave, bully them into doing how they want and i always think stupid cows tell them straight to f off and nip it straight in the bud.
but ive come to realise that not every one is not as strong as me as i am my user name and more and have been since birth