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AIBU?

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Original poster

To absolutely HATE unannounced visitors

178 replies

pinkpapaya · 30/03/2022 23:03

I know that I am a bit territorial over my space but I absolutely hate people who just 'drop in' unannounced! I could be in my knickers with a face mask in the middle of the day, having a bad migraine or just fancy uninterrupted time but no, apparently some people think that they can just visit when ever it is convenient for them. It really bugs me. I have actually hidden when the door knocks sometimes because I just can't face the small talk or having to have the house in 'show room' condition. My mum doesn't understand it as she loves visitors whether she has warning or not but to me it feels like an invasion of privacy. She has told me that I am unsociable but am I being unreasonable to expect a call or a text to ask if it is even convenient for them to come?

OP posts:
balalake · 31/03/2022 17:41

Modern technology lets you check in advance. No reason to be unannounced.

Soffit · 31/03/2022 17:43

I live in a fortress. It could never happen. However, once in a blue moon, if I check the footage and see somebody I like then all doors will fling open for them and they will be astounded to see that I was home after all!!

2Gen · 31/03/2022 17:45

YANBU. I don't like it either. I wouldn't mind so much if very close friends, the sort you tell everything and feel totally comfortable with, did it occasionally but they rarely do. Anyone else, no!
I have had it with extended family a few times. It made me feel ambushed and I didn't appreciate it. When I had just had DS, an aunt took to calling in on her way to see her own GC, but never bothered to inform me when she planned to grace me with her Royal Presence! One day I was out and my mother told me that aunt had called but I wasn't there; she'd called me through the letter box but there was no answer! This was all said in tones of shocked surprise that I would dare to not be present for one of the Royal Visits! It told my mother that if aunt had bothered to ring me first, I could have told her I wouldn't be there and have saved her the bother and that "I DO have to go out SOMETIMES, you know!" This seemed like a very strange concept to my mother. I'm convinced they were all afraid of aunt who was a very domineering and sometimes unkind person, and I was rocking the boat. I think it was damned rude of her and she never actually did anything that really helped, just interfered. Interfering was her idea of "helping" but it isn't mine!
IMO, people who care about or respect you ring, or at least text, first!

blubbabubba · 31/03/2022 17:46

@balalake

Modern technology lets you check in advance. No reason to be unannounced.

This is it. If you're still doing unannounced visits in 2022 when everyone has a mobile phone- you're doing it on purpose. Even short notice is better than none.

Darhon · 31/03/2022 17:48

I’m a sociable person but hate anyone popping in, including my mum and I’d never pop in on anyone. I’d always text first to see if I could come round.

1FootInTheRave · 31/03/2022 17:53

I love it.

But, my friends, family and in laws are all fab. They take us as they find us and muck in with whatever we're doing.

Bizarrely, except for my gran and my mil, I don't call on anyone unexpectedly.

momtoboys · 31/03/2022 17:55

I'm with you!

Roastbeefandyorkshires · 31/03/2022 18:02

MIL and SIL banging on door at 8pm-grrr, just why? Both have mobiles/social media etc Have been told to call in advance, both ignore request. Tiresome.

takemetomars · 31/03/2022 18:05

Totally agree OP. I think it's really rude just to 'pop in'!!

Babar100 · 31/03/2022 18:07

I hate it because house is usually a mess as we are so busy working in the week! I also think it’s a bit rude…no reason not to text or call in advance these days!

DuckaLucka · 31/03/2022 18:11

I had a (male) friend that would just turn up. The amount of times I was in my pjs with I brushed hair, I felt so uncomfortable.

mydogisthebest · 31/03/2022 18:11

I hate it and think it is really rude. I don't usually open the door unless I am expecting a parcel.

We moved from London to East Midlands a few years ago and found people would just walk up the back garden path and knock on the back door or even open the back door and shout in. This was neighbours, not even friends or family.

Apparently that is what "friendly" northerners do! Well not here any more. We have a 6ft back fence with a 6ft gate which is now kept locked so no one can just walk in

ssd · 31/03/2022 18:12

Oh god visitors, my worst enemyGrin

Shergill15 · 31/03/2022 18:30

Another hater of unannounced visits here. Before they moved abroad in laws were notorious for it and it would often be at a time when I was trying to feed DD or get her to bed etc. I like notice so I can get the house/myself presentable etc. Or decline if I'm not up to visits, I may be a will but definitely find it harder to tell someone to go away when they're actually on the door step!

honeyfox · 31/03/2022 18:39

I hate it too. My parents' house in the country was a free-for-all, I once met a male neighbour in the corridor outside my bedroom while in my PJs as the door was unlocked and he just wandered in to see if anyone was at home. Thank God things have changed!

Clockstooforward · 31/03/2022 18:43

I have a couple of friends who will call in if they are driving down my road just to say hi . Absolutely not a problem…good enough friends that I can say sorry not convenient! I had op problem last year. I popped a birthday card in through a friend’s letterbox and she was offended because I didn’t knock -she bitched about it to another friend-so am genuinely not bothered now about what the right etiquette is!

UnsuitableHat · 31/03/2022 18:43

It was the norm when I was a kid in the 70s. I wouldn’t want it now as would prefer to be ready to welcome visitors, and there are loads of ways to check whether it’s convenient.

LadyAnglerfish · 31/03/2022 18:46

I used to know someone who would drop in unannounced and then stand there judging the state of the house if it was less than pristine.

God, EW, what a smug so and so you were.

FTEngineerM · 31/03/2022 18:46

Hahahah MIL used to do this when we lived near.

Funnily enough though is stopped when once she came round I was sat on the sofa with nothing but a towel on half a bottle of wine deep.

FTEngineerM · 31/03/2022 18:47

@LadyAnglerfish

I used to know someone who would drop in unannounced and then stand there judging the state of the house if it was less than pristine.

God, EW, what a smug so and so you were.

Oh nooo their house is only clean because they’re never in it, too busy judging visiting everyone else’s
Margaretmatcher · 31/03/2022 18:48

No no and no again I hate it and will never open the door if I want you to call over you will be invited but every one knows that with me. No invite no entry

LadyAnglerfish · 31/03/2022 18:58

Funnily enough though is stopped when once she came round I was sat on the sofa with nothing but a towel on half a bottle of wine deep.

It would almost be worth getting the unannounced knock to see their faces Grin

Ribb · 31/03/2022 19:04

Jumped onto this thread thinking 'oooh how interesting, this hardly ever happens to me so let's see what people think' and someone has literally just rang the doorbell.
I answered from the video thingy and said I can't come down as in the bath which I am!
How weird...... and completely concur with others that it's annoying. Quick text or call will suffice.
My mum once travelled an hour to surprise us and was really cheesed off that we looked a bit shocked when we opened the door!
Even if I am driving past a good friend's house I always text or ring. If I don't get them I leave a message saying I was in the area.......its not hard

DFOD · 31/03/2022 19:04

We have a bothersome busy body older gentleman in our neighbourhood - always knocking on doors for some spurious reason. Once my friend heard a knock - ignored it as she was in her back kitchen expressing breast milk only to look up 3 minutes later to see him staring in her back door ……

CallMeDaddy58 · 31/03/2022 19:06

@SevenWaystoLeave

I can only just about cope with announced visitors
I feel this deep in my soul.