Potential safeguarding issue toddler

[1potato]

Toddler is 2.5. Has never been keen on nappy changes but around 6 months ago started going nuclear during them.

His language has recently exploded and he is now vocalising his feelings around them. We've been getting:
Don't like it
Stop
I'm not bad boy. Good boy

We certainly don't use 'bad boy' at home. I flagged with nursery and was told no one uses language like that but room lead will check on everyone in room.

Tonight my mum changed my nappy and she told me he said:
Don't hurt my bottom

It made me realise he's also recently been randomly getting upset about his bottom outside the context of a nappy change too. He also hates his nappy being off during a change and wants it back on straight away and sometimes just lies there crying until it is back on.

I've been sitting here thinking it all through and I think I probably need to keep him off nursery tomorrow and look to change nurseries. I will also speak to a HV and to nursery again.

Please can anyone advise if I am taking the right steps? Or offer any other advice? Or even tell me if you think this is just a toddler being a toddler.

It's probably nothing major, but you're doing the right thing by looking into it.

The nursery will never admit to telling your son he is a bad boy. Never so you can't go off that.

Does your child have nappy rash? If he does it could be that is the reason he says don't hurt my bottom, cause when they have bad nappy rash it does hurt when you wipe it. If he doesn't have nappy rash I would be majorly concerned and wouldn't risk.sending him.back

Ring nspcc for advice.
Ime this isn't innocent behaviour..

I’m sorry I’m quite confused, but I could well be missing something. Most of this sounds like normal toddler behaviour. The concept of ‘good boy’ and ‘bad boy’ could have come from anywhere. How many times do you say ‘good boy’ in passing when he does something favourable? I know I definitely do even thought I try not to. It wouldn’t be hard for a smart toddler to make the leap to ‘bad boy’ being the opposite. Loads and loads of DC hate being without the comfort of their nappy. I’m unsure where the leap to changing nursery has come from?

He’s probably ready for potty training, I wouldn’t automatically assume a safeguarding risk from what you describe here. I’d be talking to the nursery before changing setting. It’s absolutely right to be alert but nappy upset at 2.5 is more likely to be related to potty training. I’d try that first.

Don’t send him back

Write a chronology- dates times and exactly what he said / how he acted

Make a gp appt for a check up and let them know your concerns

You may have to go to social services or the gp or hv may help with this

Have no contact with nursery unless it’s email so there’s a trail.

Be very prepared nursery may their this back at you as a defensive action. Don’t make a complaint to nursery - this could be too serious and needs to be dealt with by other professionals

Good luck xx

Sorry their - throw

OP, can you put into words what your fear is about this situation? Is it that someone could be smacking him? Or that someone could be sexually abusing him?

You can’t just be suspicious of nursery, what other adults does he have in his life who provide personal care to him? His dad (assuming you’re his mum posting)? Or a partner who isn’t his dad? A sibling? Grandfather? Aunties? Uncles?

It isn’t enough to just move nurseries or just ring the health visitor. If your concern about this situation is abuse you need to speak to the police or social services as soon as possible.

That would ring serious alarm bells with me. Advocating for them when their language is less developed is especially important and I would be keen to pay attention to what he is verbalising. Of course, it could be nothing and just a coincidence but, if it was me, under these circumstances and with what he is saying, I wouldn’t take the chance.

It sounds like he might be done with wearing nappies. Also has he had nappy rash or been constipated at all? I understand your worry, but some of this could just be normal behaviour too. Do you have any other concerns regarding the nursery?

How is your son with nursery generally? Does he seem happy there on the whole? How is he when you leave him/pick him up? Has he become more quiet or frightened in his personality?

Has he regressed in his behaviour outside nursery at all? Have you tried potty training, how has it gone, any regression there?

Nothing you have written in your op suggests abuse to me. It can be hard to identify in a child so young but if the above questions throw up anything you might be on to something.

I will add - hopefully this is nothing BUT it could be something and you are his voice and we always hear it that it’s better to report something and it was nothing than not to report and it was abuse

Listen to your gut

Please make sure you don't subconsciously ask any form of suggestive questions
. If you have further cause to be worried I would keep dc with you /dh at all times for a week or 2. If it continued I would speak to a professional.. GP or police.

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Please make sure you don't subconsciously ask any form of suggestive questions . If you have further cause to be worried I would keep dc with you /dh at all times for a week or 2. If it continued I would speak to a professional.. GP or police.

Absolutely

Don’t ask any questions just write down what he has said

Sorry but lots of it seems like normal toddler behaviour. DD preferred nappy on at that age...it is common for them to without pooing until nappy is on. Constipation? As other posters said they just prefer the comfort of it.
I think the good & bad is not at all surprising...they have been taking in the world around them and learning so much more than you realise by this age...stories, tv, other children are very influential in their world.

Withhold not without

I would be concerned too, although you need to be opened minded that the issue may not be from the nursery, and the issue could come from home.

I wouldn’t dismiss it, does he only display this behaviour during nappy changes? It doesn’t sound like abuse but more maybe someone has been/is being rough with him during nappy changes and telling him off during nappy changes.

This makes my blood run cold. Don't send him back. Talk to the NSPCC.

Does his bum look sore- like nappy rash sore!? Sometimes when it’s sore it hurts to be wiped clean after a poo?

Op I have messaged you.

It could be something as simple as being slightly constipated and it hurting him, but equally your gut feeling that something is wrong could be right.

Go with your gut- worse case, you overreacted, no harm done. The other worst case doesn't bear thinking about.

I would keep him away from anyone that changes his nappy/has unsupervised time with him.... See if he becomes less resistant at nappy times. Tell the nursery owner and manager your concerns.... Him saying : 'don't hurt my bottom' is a massive red flag, none of my children have ever said this. Only during nappy rashes would they slightly resist and show pain but that was obviously the rash being the problem.
Absolutely raise it with your GP

Sounds like he's ready to potty train. My DD developed a real 'shame' of her genitals/needing the toilet during potty training. He could be seeing other children potty training and being congratulated.

Once the potty came out she was more than happy to share toileting experiences with us again!

I would have him looked at by gp and outline your concerns.

But DD absolutely refuses to take her nappy off, she’s day trained (so doesn’t wear one to nursery) but needs one for naps and night time. It is an utter battle getting it off her and she’s otherwise happy healthy etc.