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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Potential safeguarding issue toddler

142 replies

1potato · 30/03/2022 20:37

Toddler is 2.5. Has never been keen on nappy changes but around 6 months ago started going nuclear during them.

His language has recently exploded and he is now vocalising his feelings around them. We've been getting:
Don't like it
Stop
I'm not bad boy. Good boy

We certainly don't use 'bad boy' at home. I flagged with nursery and was told no one uses language like that but room lead will check on everyone in room.

Tonight my mum changed my nappy and she told me he said:
Don't hurt my bottom

It made me realise he's also recently been randomly getting upset about his bottom outside the context of a nappy change too. He also hates his nappy being off during a change and wants it back on straight away and sometimes just lies there crying until it is back on.

I've been sitting here thinking it all through and I think I probably need to keep him off nursery tomorrow and look to change nurseries. I will also speak to a HV and to nursery again.

Please can anyone advise if I am taking the right steps? Or offer any other advice? Or even tell me if you think this is just a toddler being a toddler.

OP posts:
Lavanderrose · 31/03/2022 13:50

I agree that there could be a concern about possible abuse. But please take into consideration that abuse is most likely to be perpetrated by a family member, partner, or friend.

toomuchlaundry · 31/03/2022 14:01

Statistics show that it is more likely to be family than nursery

Swayingpalmtrees · 31/03/2022 14:39

How is he op?

What a terrible situation for your son and for all of you to be in, thank goodness he has parents like you, quick to pick up on concerns and to get them checked out immediately. You are doing absolutely the right thing.

I don't think we could return to the nursery either way, once your trust has gone - it is usually gone for good.
I do hope you find out what is wrong, and it is something easily explained.

Swayingpalmtrees · 31/03/2022 14:40

Vanessa George was not a family member. You can't rule anything out at this stage, if it turns out to be something sinister. It will become a police investigation. Hoping it doesn't come to that.

Margaretmatcher · 31/03/2022 14:40

47CoffeeAlwaysTired agree with this poster please do not ignore it obviously it could be a simple explanation but better to look into it than ignore it. Hope it is the former

Original poster
1potato · 31/03/2022 15:59

We've just had a verbal assessment and they're referring to social services. Awaiting physical assessment.

Thank you for support.

OP posts:
ManonCrochan · 31/03/2022 16:09

I think my boy was about 2.5 when he started potty training. He was fearful of the potty too!!

GlitteryGreen · 31/03/2022 16:26

Hope it all turns out to be nothing OP x

felineweird · 31/03/2022 16:34

I work with children- please do NOT say 'we have to be kind' as it is possible someone untoward is saying it to HIM which would make it seem like you are advocating it, if anything is going on

Lougle · 31/03/2022 17:03

I hope you get some reassurance at the hospital. So many possibilities.

Makeitsoso · 31/03/2022 17:12

I’m not one to overreact but I’d be really uneasy too. ‘Bad boy’ really does sound like an adult has said that to him.

Hiphophippityskip1 · 31/03/2022 17:17

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 31/03/2022 17:20

@Hiphophippityskip1

Read the thread… all of this has been done

CaMePlaitPas · 31/03/2022 17:27

My girls acted similarly, it meant they were ready for the potty, because the stuff in the nappy burnt them and gave them nappy rash. In the meantime you can start showering him off rather than touching and wiping and get him started on doing his own pull ups and bottom wiping with a wipe.

Original poster
1potato · 31/03/2022 17:37

Physical assessment didn't bring anything up, as I expected.

They're on the phone to social services now so I guess I'll find out next steps soon.

To the person who said A&e wasn't the right place to go, our GP referred us here, which I did question, but they were sure. Turns out they were wrong as there are specific pathways to follow that don't involve A&E.

OP posts:
ehb102 · 31/03/2022 17:45

Well done, OP, for putting your child above everything else. There are a lot of adults who would wish their parents had been like you.
Massive respect for you coming from me. I hope it's nappy rash/toilet related after all, and if it isn't, it is NOT YOUR FAULT.
I wish you strength for the next stage.

Original poster
1potato · 31/03/2022 18:26

Well we are finally out, thank goodness. Toddler had a delightful time.

Thanks again for all the thoughts and support.

I thought it might be useful to outline next steps in case anyone else experiences this.

Four doctors, including two consultants, agreed it was cause for concern and so contacted social services.

Social services agreed it was of enough concern to do a background check before proceeding to a more thorough examination, if they deemed it necessary. That would mean another interview and another more thorough physical examination. And then I think they would contact the police too. I think it will be a few days before we hear from them although the doctor at the hospital wasn't too sure.

If anyone has any knowledge of what the next steps might involve, I'd appreciate hearing about it.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 31/03/2022 18:32

I assume if they think this needs to be taken further, anyone with access to your child will be questioned both at nursery and family members

Peachesandcream15 · 31/03/2022 18:35

@over2021

Sounds like he's ready to potty train. My DD developed a real 'shame' of her genitals/needing the toilet during potty training. He could be seeing other children potty training and being congratulated.

Once the potty came out she was more than happy to share toileting experiences with us again!

This was also my experience at 2.5.

Wiping/cleaning became quite distressing for all.

I'm not saying it's nothing, but I think around that age they start to become aware of their body a bit more.

💐

Offredismysister · 31/03/2022 18:48

OP I know what next steps may be. A child protection medical examination for suspected child sexual abuse could be suggested. Usually the MDT call a strategy meeting & decide if an examination is needed. If so, then a forensically trained paediatrician will carry out a top to toe medical examination. Then using a DVD colposcope, which is basically a magnifying camera with a torch on, the area of concern is examined. The colposcope doesn’t touch the child & it’s not invasive at all. But it can see minute injuries/changes to anatomy. Often there is nothing to see & you don’t have a definitive answer. Sometimes, even if there is something to see it can be attributed to other things, constipation etc.

Marshatessa · 31/03/2022 19:04

I think it could be nappy rash and his bum is sore. Or has been sore off it in past and he now associates nappy changes with it being sore. My son use to say don’t put cream on my bum and I panic when I was going near his bum after a poo. He has had a bout of nappy rash so his bum was so but even after soreness had gone he continued to say that.

Charmatt · 31/03/2022 19:09

I really respect your strength of character to put your child first. I hope there is a simple explanation but I admire you for listening to your gut and acting on it.

TreacheryPepper · 31/03/2022 19:12

I'm not saying that there's definitely nothing to worry about, but DS (2y3m) is kicking off massively at nappy change time at the moment, throwing a full on tantrum and doing everything he can to get away. He isn't ever cared for by anyone but us so I have no concerns about safeguarding. He's non-verbal though, so I can't comment on the language your son is using.

TreacheryPepper · 31/03/2022 19:14

Sorry OP. I should have read the whole thread before commenting.

Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals · 31/03/2022 19:24

@Charmatt

I really respect your strength of character to put your child first. I hope there is a simple explanation but I admire you for listening to your gut and acting on it.
Me too. Impressive parenting, advocating for your child and acting decisively. I hope that you’re ok and that he is too.