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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of dds friends and their bloody parents

156 replies

Theyulelog · 30/03/2022 17:45

Dd aged 12 has a small group of friends.
Every week without fail I have dd turning up to the house with them wanting a lift home after being at the park, after school club etc.
I work full time and I’m heavily pregnant and I don’t use the car to pick dd up from school etc because she just walks over the road.
I’ve had parents turn up at the door at night asking if their kids are with dd as well.
None of these parents are ensuring their kids have their phone on them, so they end up at my house expecting lifts.
I’ve also ran one girl home to find that her mum wasn’t in and had to run around to other family members.
I dropped dd at the park today and drove away because she arranged to meet her friend after school. Friend didn’t show because she wasn’t able to go and didn’t have her phone with her to tell dd. Yet again I had to drop everything and go pick her up to bring home.
I’ve had parents message me because their dc have gone missing. I’ve been out looking for them to help.
One girl had her mum come to meet her after school but told dd her phone was dead and she needed a lift home from school because she didn’t have anyone to get her.
I messaged the mum and she told me her dc told her I was giving her a lift! This was after a day at work and I had things on.
I’ve told dd I don’t want her to bring people back to the house for lifts and stop turning up with friends unannounced as I keep getting dragged into it all. I’ve told dd their parents can sort them from now on.
Just ranting really but in this day and age I would fully expect if you are letting your dc out after school then they need a phone to
Let you know where they are and when to come home etc.
I live by the school so im an easy target.

OP posts:
Horst · 30/03/2022 17:47

You’ve become the mum. The one close enough and been nice enough to help so that all the parents now dump on you. Yanbu.

I used to be that mum with people just dropping their children before school at the park and running off because they knew I was there so if someone got hurt there was an adult there.

HollowTalk · 30/03/2022 17:48

That's really cheeky of them. You really need to drum it in to your daughter's head that you won't give lifts. Can you stop them in the doorway and remind them, before they enter?

DowntonCrabby · 30/03/2022 17:50

YANBU but just start saying “no”

Plastictattoo · 30/03/2022 17:53

Could you do a general message to the parents explaining you are heavily pregnant, working full time and finding it hard to do all this running around on top of everything? Perhaps ask if they could help both now and when the baby arrives? I would respond to a message like that by helping out

Ionlydomassiveones · 30/03/2022 18:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

SockFluffInTheBath · 30/03/2022 18:06

@Plastictattoo

Could you do a general message to the parents explaining you are heavily pregnant, working full time and finding it hard to do all this running around on top of everything? Perhaps ask if they could help both now and when the baby arrives? I would respond to a message like that by helping out
Yes, and speak firmly but nicely to DD that you’re not everyone’s taxi so don’t even ask. You might have the odd straggler hanging round a bit to start with but they’ll soon get the message.
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 30/03/2022 18:07

Tell dd you have temporarily resigned from taxi duties. And mean it.

VyeBrator · 30/03/2022 18:10

You have a DD problem, not a 'DD's friends and bloody parents' problem.

Tell her to stop making them think you're a taxi service.

wanttokickoffbutcant · 30/03/2022 18:10

I have this in the morning- live near the school and I had one girl dropped here at 7.20 as her mum was on her way to work. I had never met the girl or the mum and I was in bed! Another girl arrives here at 7.45 each day but I don’t mind so much as it makes my daughter get her act together and I just leave them to it. I wouldn’t be doing lifts home etc though.

Chely · 30/03/2022 18:11

You give an inch, CF's take a mile.

Start saying NO!

Shinyandnew1 · 30/03/2022 18:12

You need to start saying no asap.

Some people on here seem to get themselves in bizarre situations where they are collecting other peoples kids from school, looking after them in the holidays or giving CF friends lifts/money. I’ve had people hint things to me that I have no desire to do and I just ignore them! I have lovely friends who don’t take the piss so not saying yes hasn’t damaged me too much socially.

Your pregnant and they are being really cheeky…let them walk home or ring their mum for a lift. Say to both your child and the friends that you’re heavily pregnant and won’t be giving lifts.

Ops1 · 30/03/2022 18:12

Tell them no!! Mum can you take so and so here… no

Ionlydomassiveones · 30/03/2022 18:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
Theyulelog · 30/03/2022 18:13

I’m trying to assert boundaries but when a kid is showing up at 8pm and says they need to walk home alone and their phone is dead, I can’t just not give them a lift. I’ve been messaging the parents but it’s a load of lies, the kids just can’t be arsed to walk or the parents can’t be arsed to walk to meet their kids.
Half the battle with all these issues would resolve if they took their phones with them and made sure they are charged. I’m sick of picking up the pieces for other peoples crap parenting.

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 30/03/2022 18:14

You definitely need to make it clear to your dd that it stops now. Emergencies are a different story but their parents lack of planning doesn’t make these situations an emergency.
Set your stall now so that by the time your baby arrives it’s no longer an issue

Original poster
Theyulelog · 30/03/2022 18:15

@wanttokickoffbutcant oh my god people are unreal! So rude and selfish!

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 30/03/2022 18:16

I’d offer use of a charger for 5 minutes so they can charge their phone if they want to ring home.

JudgeRindersMinder · 30/03/2022 18:17

@Theyulelog

I’m trying to assert boundaries but when a kid is showing up at 8pm and says they need to walk home alone and their phone is dead, I can’t just not give them a lift. I’ve been messaging the parents but it’s a load of lies, the kids just can’t be arsed to walk or the parents can’t be arsed to walk to meet their kids. Half the battle with all these issues would resolve if they took their phones with them and made sure they are charged. I’m sick of picking up the pieces for other peoples crap parenting.
You absolutely can just not give them a lift. You phone the parent or lend them your phone and tell them their kid needs picked up. You’re being expected to pick up the pieces because you constantly pick them up-why would the parents step up when you constantly do it?
TopCatsTopHat · 30/03/2022 18:18

If they don't have their phone to ring for a lift, dial the number and let them have that conversation. If they're stuck that's on them... Everytime you bail them out you teach them it's OK and you'll step in.
Accept it and you can expect it.

TopCatsTopHat · 30/03/2022 18:18

It's still crap the other parents are happy to do this, but defintely push back.

KitBumbleB · 30/03/2022 18:20

Yep, feel your pain OP!

I'm the fun mum, cool mum, and most importantly the house in central town mum. Always asking for lifts, after school snacks, sleep overs etc. And I completely agree, most of the parents have no idea where their kids are at the weekends, it got to the point I was tempted to ask for maintenance!

So I started saying no, telling DD not to bring friends here unless they had a pre arranged lift home, a working phone, and a method of payment

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/03/2022 18:20

Today 18:10 VyeBrator

You have a DD problem, not a 'DD's friends and bloody parents' problem.

Tell her to stop making them think you're a taxi service.”

This. If it continues “no”.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/03/2022 18:21

Theyulelog

I’m trying to assert boundaries but when a kid is showing up at 8pm and says they need to walk home alone and their phone is dead, I can’t just not give them a lift. I’ve been messaging the parents but it’s a load of lies, the kids just can’t be arsed to walk or the parents can’t be arsed to walk to meet their kids.
Half the battle with all these issues would resolve if they took their phones with them and made sure they are charged. I’m sick of picking up the pieces for other peoples crap parenting“

So you phone the parents yourself or give them a working phone to use. Just stop doing it.

GreenClock · 30/03/2022 18:22

Send them home on foot no matter what the time is. Message the parent to say they’re on their way. Say, “her phone was out of charge again”.

Repeat this until it sinks in. And tell your daughter to stop offering them lifts.

They’ll soon get the hint and start parenting their own kids.

liveforsummer · 30/03/2022 18:23

The most you need to do is offer them the use of a phone or a charger. If their parents aren't prepared to collect why on earth should you have to give a lift