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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner charging rent

267 replies

6pmGinOclock · 30/03/2022 14:21

NC for this.
Was to move in with partner last month into his flat. We both rent.
As soon as I handed in notice he started being awkward, silent treatments, lack of restect, twisting things, saying I'm over reacting and so on.

I have changed my mind, put a halt on the move and kept my rented flat. (Was in abusive relationship before and I'm not going to go back there!)
He apologised, said he loves me and would like us to try and overcome problems, every relationship has problems and it is normal to not feel happy sometimes.

He wanted me to be at his flat with him despite the fact I have decided to keep my flat too. He wanted me to get rid of the other flat because he says I'm too attached to it, it isn't healthy and because of that we can't progress and move on. I still want to keep my flat until I know if this relationship is going to work, still have majority of furniture there but essentially live with him, because he insisted on it.

Today he is asking me for a rent payment, ie he wants me to pay half of his all bills including rent. Because I still have the other flat I simply can't afford to pay for both flats and would need to dip in savings every month to pay him rent. I'm happy to pay my own way so he isn't out of pocket ie half of utilities and food. When being here I already spent much more money on food for us 3 (me, him and his DD who is here 50% of time) than I would normally do.

We spoke last week and he mentioned rent and I've said if he wants me to pay him rent (we never had this conversation before so I actually was baffled), I can't afford it and I have no choice but move back to my flat. I was happy to do it but he didn't like it and still wanted me to stay where I am. As soon as I mentioned that I can move my stuff back over to my flat he started saying how unreliable I am and he can't trust me.

I wanted to give us a chance and keep the arrangement from before we agreed to live together - I was at his more because I work from home and he lives close to his work and DD. I would be happy for us to live in my flat but he doesn't like it because it is too far. He is not out of pocket at all and earns good money. But he says that because I've agreed to living together, and we essentially do, he expects me to pay half of all bills.
Of course I would pay half if I was happy to move in together, but I'm not, I need more time. I would like to wait a few months to see how things are between us but he doesn't like it.

Am I being unreasonable?
I want to be fair but maybe I'm seeing it from wrong perspective?

OP posts:
Dontbeme · 30/03/2022 15:15

OP you posted about this guy before, his dd was going through your belongings and taking what she wanted. He expected you to pay for his dd, he expected you to pay for his and dd meals when he invited you out? You were lucky that your landlord agreed for you to keep your flat when you had already given notice the first time, what has caused you to return to this set up again? What has he said or done to lure you back into this shite relationship and into paying for his flat?

ArtVandalay · 30/03/2022 15:15

He sounds awful. Mean, controlling and manipulative.

Take this as your massive cue to end the relationship.

WashedupTroll · 30/03/2022 15:16

You had great advice last month. Walk away

applewhitenights · 30/03/2022 15:17

Run. Run from the red flags.

fruitbrewhaha · 30/03/2022 15:18

OP when you agree to move in with someone, it's supposed to be romantic, for what ever reason you weren't getting on and so you put the brakes on. Either he was being argumentative because he is an arse and thought he had you reeled in, or perhaps actually you are not as well suited as you thought. Further to this he is trying to get you to pay for his flat. Listen to your self. Ditch him and move on.

Bonbon21 · 30/03/2022 15:18

I am sorry.. I thought you had this sorted out..
Walk away.
He is not the one for you.
You are wasting your time.
Find your self respect.

Nothappyatwork · 30/03/2022 15:19

He is the worst kind of mean spirited prick just get rid of him

NowEvenBetter · 30/03/2022 15:20

he started being awkward, silent treatments, lack of restect, twisting things, saying I'm over reacting and so on
The very instant a boyfriend chooses to behave like this, obviously dump them. No excuse for abuse and no reason to tolerate it.

Herejustforthisone · 30/03/2022 15:20

🚩 x 1,000,000.

TooMuchPaper · 30/03/2022 15:21

Would you not have a happier, more peaceful life being singe and in charge of your own destiny? Why do you feel the need to waste your life with this awful man?

Zilla1 · 30/03/2022 15:21

'Too attached to your flat and can't progress in the relationship' and 'pay half the bills to show commitment' were the best arguments he could make for you to do what he wanted. He made a mistake in starting to mistreat you before you were fully vulnerable. Keep working on your ability to see unsatisfactory behaviour and use it in your next relationship.

luckylavender · 30/03/2022 15:22

Run. Your spidey senses are spot on.

MrsWinters · 30/03/2022 15:22

He sounds like he just wants help with his bills and is gaslighting you.
Often I think mumsnet jumps too quickly on the dump him train- but in this case he sounds like a prick

Lovemusic33 · 30/03/2022 15:22

Why are you still with him?

babyjellyfish · 30/03/2022 15:22

Red flags all over this, OP.

Keep your flat. Don't pay him a penny.

Do some soul searching about whether you really want to be with a man like this.

HellToTheNope · 30/03/2022 15:22

Fucking hell, red flags EVERYWHERE. You are with another abuser, op. Get rid of him, immediately.

Viviennemary · 30/03/2022 15:22

What is unhealthy is him try to control your decisions. You need to dump him.

HermioneKipper · 30/03/2022 15:24

Leave. There’s red flags galore here.

You sound lovely. He sounds like frankly, a knob

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 30/03/2022 15:26

DO NOT GET RID OF YOUR OLD FLAT WHATEVER YOU DO!

He wanted me to get rid of the other flat because he says I'm too attached to it, it isn't healthy and because of that we can't progress and move on

How is having your own place unhealthy?

You are absolutely doing the right thing by keeping your living arrangements separate! I'd either see how it goes living separate but still together or just call it a day.

GabriellaMontez · 30/03/2022 15:26

He's a money grabbing piece of shit. It's his new tactic to get you to give up your flat.

I remember your post where he made you pay for the meal out for him and his daughter.

And he told you his ex wants him back (she doesn't)

Get away from him.

Nanny0gg · 30/03/2022 15:29

@6pmGinOclock
Did you post before about this?

You'd handed in your notice on your flat and were lucky to get it back before it went on the market?

You were told to dump him then.

Nothing's changed.

LBFseBrom · 30/03/2022 15:29

@Xiaoxiong

Run, far and fast. He is doing his level best to break down your (excellent) boundaries.
That and more! Or rather, don't run, stay where you are and give him a miss. He's been paying for his place on his own so far, he can continue to do so. Cheeky sod. You'd be bonkers to give up your flat.

More pebbles on the beach just waiting for you to pick up, 6pm.

Frazzled2207 · 30/03/2022 15:29

I'm not sure why you are still with him. He is being totally unreasonable. You need to just dump him and move on.

LampLighter414 · 30/03/2022 15:31

Pay some rent and give him a chance OP

ReacherMargrave · 30/03/2022 15:32

Looks like he's found the thread!

RUN FOR THE HILLS OP.