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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby travel HUGE argument

382 replies

blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 12:00

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

OP posts:
lanthanum · 30/03/2022 13:13

I'd agree with the suggestion of taking the train, if that's possible. That might also open up the possibility of staying over, as you wouldn't need to travel together both ways. Even if you have to change trains, it's not so bad - plenty for baby to see and watch. (DH once suggested getting a taxi instead of our usual bus/train combo - I couldn't see any point, as the longer journey provided lots of entertainment for our little one.)

But in the end of the day, your decision should be respected. Just offer to visit at a later date when it's possible to make it a longer trip.

miltonj · 30/03/2022 13:13

Yeah, it would be a shit day for the baby.

stuntbubbles · 30/03/2022 13:14

@MyDcAreMarvel

Travelling at 9pm is an ideal time to travel. As pp says stay in a premier inn nearby.
Only if your child sleeps. DD would have been awake and howling anywhere other than a dark, quiet room at that age. So three hours of night driving with a screaming baby who then becomes super alert on arrival to a hotel reception with bright lights, then super-tired in the room and more howling.

It really does depend on the child.

It’s not an unmissable occasion, OP: it’s a fake birthday. Far too much stress to go, unless you can do the train but I suspect that will take just as long. And my DD at 7m and crawling would not have been thrilled to be held all that time.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/03/2022 13:14

@2bazookas

IME a 7-month old baby can easily sleep through two 3 hour car journeys. Mine often did.

Frankly I'd prioritise Granny's 60'th celebrations over getting back for the fosterchild. Wherever the fosterchild has been parked, those carers can surely keep them a little longer. It's just a day's pay; and Granny might not have all that many more Big Birthdays left, to celebrate.

You realise the foster child is a human child they're responsible for, not a doll put into storage.
Skyeheather · 30/03/2022 13:16

Three hours each way plus a long break in a restaurant is easily do-able. Give baby a good feed before you leave and baby will probably have a good sleep for a lot of the journey. If you sit in the back you can feed and entertain the rest of the way.

It is perfectly reasonable to say the drive will be too much for your DD if you don't want to go. Everyone else will understand. Just send your DH on his own if it's his family.

LittleGwyneth · 30/03/2022 13:17

Frankly I'd prioritise Granny's 60'th celebrations over getting back for the fosterchild. Wherever the fosterchild has been parked, those carers can surely keep them a little longer. It's just a day's pay; and Granny might not have all that many more Big Birthdays left, to celebrate.

Granny is 60 and will probably have another 20 birthdays. Foster child is probably already fairly traumatised and should not be treated like an optional disposable extra.

miltonj · 30/03/2022 13:18

@Beastieboys

My daughter used to travel from Northern England to Northern Germany via Hull a couple of times a year between birth and 3 yrs old on average 24 hrs door to door first trip was at 4 wks old....... No problems at all as she slept most of the way and when she was older made sure to give her a few good runs around when possible and made sure she had a couple of favorite toys/music available
That's different. I take my 18 month abroad all the time. Presumably you wern't taking your baby daughter to Germany for just the day.
RedRobyn2021 · 30/03/2022 13:18

I wouldn't even do that journey now and my daughter is 1, it's just too much. Mine would become very distressed and it's just not worth it.

I think it's recommended you stop every hour to give them a break from the car seat too

I mean it's really not fair on the baby, if she wants to see her granddaughter she should be making the trip to see you

MurmuratingStarling · 30/03/2022 13:19

YANBU @blinkywinkytime I wouldn't have been dragging my 7 month old baby 100s of miles across country to appease someone who is celebrating her 60th birthday, and especially not if she is being sniffy because some people can't/won't go.

Why are you 3.5 hours drive away from granny? Did you move or did she?

becca3210 · 30/03/2022 13:19

People who are saying three hours each way is nothing have clearly not had babies who dislike the car! 😂 having had a similar baby no way would I agree to that plan.

MurmuratingStarling · 30/03/2022 13:20

@miltonj

Yeah, it would be a shit day for the baby.
This ^ 100%.
Flatbrokefornow · 30/03/2022 13:21

So, I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t go, but it you want to, it’s possible. If you don’t want to (and having a baby is hard enough) then it’s reasonable to say no.

Grandma has certainly forgotten that a baby and a job means no time. I’d have picked up hubs from work and gone at 9pm, mine would have slept. Stayed in a hotel, had a lie in and either joined granny for lunch and then had a nap before an afternoon doing something else (with or without granny) and then gone back at bedtime, getting home late evening in time for foster child’s arrival in the next day. You’d need to rely on hotels and takeaways and be super organised, and if its a weekend, it will basically wipe it out. Granny almost certainly thinks it’s just lunch and no big deal. Putting it like that might put it into perspective for her at least.

MurmuratingStarling · 30/03/2022 13:21

Also would be a shit day for the baby's mum, as SHE will be the one appeasing and soothing and caring for said baby.

EmmaH2022 · 30/03/2022 13:22

@blinkywinkytime

Sorry to drip feed! Actual birthday was weeks ago!

Yes option is husband goes I stay here with her but she wants to see her.

Tell her to stop being a baby and grow up. You can't through all that just to please her.
Suedomin · 30/03/2022 13:22

If you feel it would be too much just say you can't go and go another time to celebrate the birthday when you can stay overnight .
I assume it is your Mum or Mum in laws birthday? They might be disappointed but they should understand.

miltonj · 30/03/2022 13:23

@2bazookas

IME a 7-month old baby can easily sleep through two 3 hour car journeys. Mine often did.

Frankly I'd prioritise Granny's 60'th celebrations over getting back for the fosterchild. Wherever the fosterchild has been parked, those carers can surely keep them a little longer. It's just a day's pay; and Granny might not have all that many more Big Birthdays left, to celebrate.

That's honestly vile.
Branleuse · 30/03/2022 13:24

when you say its a HUGE argument, does your partner really want to go? Who is the argument with? Him or his mum?

Jammybadger · 30/03/2022 13:24

You just say, sorry it’s just not fair for DD to be in a car for 6 hours in one day. Husband is looking forward to spending some baby free time with his mum on her birthday.

Cocomarine · 30/03/2022 13:25

I wouldn’t take a baby in a car for that length of time.

But I agree with a PP that it sounds like you’re just not owning that you don’t want to go.

Perhaps the “huge row” is because not only is grandmother not getting to see grandchild, she’s also really pissed off that for her 60th, her own son hasn’t even suggested that he come alone.

MurmuratingStarling · 30/03/2022 13:26

@2bazookas

IME a 7-month old baby can easily sleep through two 3 hour car journeys. Mine often did.

Frankly I'd prioritise Granny's 60'th celebrations over getting back for the fosterchild. Wherever the fosterchild has been parked, those carers can surely keep them a little longer. It's just a day's pay; and Granny might not have all that many more Big Birthdays left, to celebrate.

Dear GOD! NEVER become a foster carer. PLEASE. Blush

Honeyroar · 30/03/2022 13:27

Husband goes. You stay home with baby and face time them while they’re there.

cadburyegg · 30/03/2022 13:27

Sounds crap tbh. I didn't take mine on long car journeys like that at that age. Too stressful having screamy babies in the car. They tolerate it now they are 4 and 7! I'd only go if I could stay overnight.

toomuchlaundry · 30/03/2022 13:28

@2bazookas I hope you aren’t for real. You seem to have conveniently missed the fact that the baby is a screamer in the car seat.

But your comment in respect of the foster child is just vile

Caiti19 · 30/03/2022 13:32

I got as far as "Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day" and thought "hell, no". Let husband go alone or you both go and leave baby with trusted babysitter where she can have a normal routine and move about instead of being crammed into a car-seat only to arrive and be further restrained in a restaurant setting.

Foxglovers · 30/03/2022 13:32

I wouldn’t do this either. Mine were both nightmares in the car at his age and also the restaurant would be awful too - especially after a car journey like that! Seems unfair that she thinks the baby should be cooped up and then sit in a highchair.
I’ve always just said - sorry it’s too much with the baby. Let’s arrange something for another time/closer to home?
I’ve only ever made long car journeys where I would be staying somewhere a while - and even then that’s broken up with big breaks so the baby can get out for 2 to 3 hours so that I can tire them out to fall asleep for the car again?!