Baby travel HUGE argument

[blinkywinkytime]

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

and yes, 60 is not old. Is she ill or disabled that she can't travel?

I've had this situation with family who live 3 hours away.

They don't want to travel here but demand to see the baby, I've stood firm and said no. No reason why they couldn;t travel here rather than me taking a baby and all they come with so far away.

I'm not sure I'd be prepared to do that much traveling just for a meal out in any case.

If you wanted to go enough, you would make it work. Change work obligation the day before, leave super early the next morning to get back in time. Or do the drive. You don’t want to go enough to make any of these choices, which is fine, but you also then have to own it.

We live in Cornwall and family live 6 hours away, we have done many journeys of this length in one go with our now 8 month old. Her first was when she was 2 months old, we just stopped every couple of hours and she was fine but she does love being in the car

YABU - it’s not 6 hours, it’s 3 hours, then a long gap, then another 3 hours.

I’d set off an 9pm while the baby sleeps, stay in a Premier Inn nearby. Have the celebration, drove back with a break at a services part way home.

It’s only half an hour further away than our extended families and we saw them regularly during the DC’s early years. It’s not hard to arrange if you actually want to go. Night driving tends to be much quieter too, so a shorter journey.

Sounds to me like you can’t really be bothered and are looking for an excuse.

3 hours each way really isn’t that bad. Set off at 9am to get there for lunch then drive back late afternoon. I’d do it with my two but they’re both good travellers. Wouldn’t do it with a child that wasn’t a good traveller so just say no.

@Springhassprung86

YABVU to expect her to meet you half way 😂 it’s the woman’s 60th birthday fgs!! I don’t think that amount of travel is a huge deal 🤷🏼‍♀️ you clearly do, so say no.

why does the fact it's her birthday make a difference? If it's a party, location matters. If it's just a get-together meal to celebrate the birthday, it could happen anywhere

Go after your husband’s work, baby can sleep in car.

Or take the train?

Ugh, no. My ds was/is a DREAM to travel with, always has been. But 3 hours each way, only to sit in a restaurant for a couple of hours then drive home again? Nope. It's not the travel that would put me off, rather that there's not much for a baby to do in a restaurant and I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that restaurant meals with a 7mo are generally not enjoyable.

I think the best solution is making it possible to travel the night before. So either husband moves his work commitment, or he doesn't come, or he travels there separately e.g. gets a late train after his work thing or one early the next day to catch up with you.

We drove to the south of France from northern England with a 5 week old, took 3 days in the car. We just stopped every hour or so. It was fine. I sat in the back with our children so could see he was fine. We did a 3 hour journey with the same baby for my mil's 60th when he was 5 days old, we did stay overnight though and drove the 3 hours back the following day. The baby might be happier if someone is the back with them to keep them occupied. We've always travelled with our children very small, you just make sure you do lots of stops, it makes the journey longer but more manageable for little ones.

I'll be 60 soon and I'm also granny to a baby. I would be telling my daughter not to make a journey like that to see me with the baby, in fact we usually all meet half way (never thought I'd get to know Blenheim Palace like the back of my hand!)

As for 3 hours each way not being that bad, this is why people have accidents, because they do too much driving and get tired, and can you really concentrate if baby is screaming. Six hours is a lot in one day, even if you share the driving. But I agree you could go the evening before and stay somewhere in the vicinity, depending on what time the meal is.

But now I've seen the birthday was weeks ago there is absolutely no reason why you couldn't meet halfway. Can the date not be changed if it's not the actual birthday so it doesn't clash with your foster child meeting?

Train.

This. I'm probably biased here as I don't like long car journeys myself (and am also a non-driver), but as long as you have seats booked (and ideally are on a quietish service) rail can be more enjoyable.

I wouldn't go. 3 hours just for a meal. A meal.likely served too late that the baby (if they r weaning age) to he able to enjoy any of and you will be trying to eat holding a squirmy over stimulated over tired baby. Then when the inevitable happens every one else carries on eating and drinking without you as you pace around outside or in a quiet corner/cubby hole trying to settle the baby.
Stuff that.

Sounds like hell.

Either your DH goes on his own or you go another day when you can stay over.

could your fosterchild postpone for a day so that you could stay overnight

I wouldn't, and didn't for grandma's special birthday. It's not recommended for young children to be in car seats for extended periods of time. NRFT but here is the lullaby trust factsheet
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/9-car-seat-factsheet-2019-09-09-1.pdf

Just don’t go, you can arrange for her to see dd another time when you have the time to spend a night in a hotel.

@blinkywinkytime

Sorry to drip feed! Actual birthday was weeks ago!

Yes option is husband goes I stay here with her but she wants to see her.

She's 60, not 600. If she wants to see the baby, she should come and visit you.

"Special" birthday events (especially when they're not even on the actual day) don't mean they can command attendance.

Sorry to drip feed! Actual birthday was weeks ago!

In that case grandmother will have to make it another day when you can at least stay over. Or concede that it's not her Special Day and she can meet you half way.

Fly, cut the travel to a quarter.

The actual birthday was weeks ago?!

In which case, tell her you'll arrange another day where you can stay over. Most 60 year olds are still working and leading very active lives, she's not elderly and frail to the point she can't adjust plans.

I wouldn't leave a baby in a car seat for that length of time for anyone.