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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby travel HUGE argument

382 replies

blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 12:00

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

OP posts:
MummyGummy · 30/03/2022 13:33

No way, that is too much travelling in one day for a baby. Not a very caring granny if she can’t understand that. Your husband should go alone for the lunch. Then maybe invite granny to stay one weekend for some quality time with her grandchild, not just seeing them in a restaurant for a couple of hours between chatting to loads of other guests.

A580Hojas · 30/03/2022 13:35

I'm going to be 60 this year and there's no way on earth I would want a 7 month old baby, or anyone, to have to spend 6 hours in a car to honour that.

TenoringBehind · 30/03/2022 13:35

Too much time in the car for the baby and a stressful venue with a baby.

Husband should go on his own.

My MIL recently had her 80th birthday. We still all talk about her 70th where one of my nieces, then a baby, screamed for the duration of a family meal at a restaurant and everyone took it in turns to walk around with her. It was no fun for anyone

Inertia · 30/03/2022 13:37

It’s not Grandma’s actual birthday, so if she wanted you all there that much she’d have arranged the special occasion for a date when you could break up the travel. Babies are tiny humans with needs, not toys for grandparents to play with.

We have to travel 3- 4 hours to see our close family, so our children have grown up with this, but when they were younger always included an overnight stop. We didn’t do 6-8 hour round trips in a day until the children were into their teens.

YANBU to say sorry, can’t make it work this time. DH can go after work and stay overnight.

MyDcAreMarvel · 30/03/2022 13:37

@LittleGwyneth I thought you were only supposed to have the baby in the car seat for about an hour at a time? Or is that just a PFB thing that’s for newborns.

Ozanj · 30/03/2022 13:38

The car seat rules are for preventing SIDs and are for babies up to 12 mths old for whom the risk of SIDs is highest. Beyond that you need to use your common sense - DS didn’t have risk factors for SIDs so we used to drive 3 hours in a row before taking a break (with me in the backseat keeping a close eye). By weaning age (5.5 mths) we were happily driving for 4-5 hours in one go.

Hugasauras · 30/03/2022 13:38

Wherever the fosterchild has been parked

You do realise this is a human being, yes? A person? A child who has undoubtedly been let down and pushed from pillar to post far too many times before.

Ozanj · 30/03/2022 13:38

@Ozanj

The car seat rules are for preventing SIDs and are for babies up to 12 mths old for whom the risk of SIDs is highest. Beyond that you need to use your common sense - DS didn’t have risk factors for SIDs so we used to drive 3 hours in a row before taking a break (with me in the backseat keeping a close eye). By weaning age (5.5 mths) we were happily driving for 4-5 hours in one go.
Up to 12 weeks old. Not mths
Forshorttheycallmecomp · 30/03/2022 13:39

I’m in my forties and I wouldn’t spend 7 hours travelling for dinner unless I really really wanted to go.

I am fed up with bending over backwards for other people.

Howdiditgetsobad · 30/03/2022 13:42

It’s funny how many people think you’re being unreasonable. I agree that it really isn’t a great idea and I wouldn’t go.
I mentioned doing a 2 hour drive with my kids and got criticised for doing so on another thread. You know if your baby is the kind to sleep peacefully or if it will be hellish and really that’s the basis of your decision.

We’ve declined a wedding on the basis of a 2.5 hour journey each way and not able to stay over due to also having a special family birthday celebration the day after. DH is going by himself. I need to stay with DS as he’s still exclusively breastfed and a bottle refuser, so I wouldn’t be able to do that myself. DS is 6 months and he can do an or so in the car, maybe 2 ish sleeping but could also scream for most of it. It would be miserable and hard work.

LittleGwyneth · 30/03/2022 13:43

@MyDcAreMarvel Ah I see - thank you.

GahAndTheBear · 30/03/2022 13:45

Why would you travel just to sit in a restaurant with a 7 month old. That’s likely to be stressful if it’s a 10 minute drive away. After a 3 hour drive, it’d be dire.

It’s not even the actual birthday.

Gregsprinkles · 30/03/2022 13:45

The "take the train" comments always make me laugh on these sorts of threads. Unless OP and restaurant are close to train stations then you are factoring in taxis or buses at either end, making the journey even more impractical, esp wrt car seat and pram. And the thought of trying to change a nappy in one of those disgusting train toilets...

Whenever I consider taking the train somewhere instead of driving, it seems to take about 9 hours and costs about £500 (OK, a small exaggeration), a drive to the station and pay for all day parking, then some dilemma at the other end to get to my actual destination. So I drive.

titchy · 30/03/2022 13:46

Is there any reason you're not able to travel the day before without your dh? He can get the train up the next day if necessary. Or you travel by train if journey logistically possible.

EarlGreywithLemon · 30/03/2022 13:46

@Forshorttheycallmecomp

I’m in my forties and I wouldn’t spend 7 hours travelling for dinner unless I really really wanted to go.

I am fed up with bending over backwards for other people.

Yep, this ^
GlitteryGreen · 30/03/2022 13:47

Are there other people attending this meeting? If yes, it wasn't reasonable to ask grandmother to meet halfway.

If it's just your family and her, then change the date to one where you can stay over? If her birthday was weeks ago anyway that shouldn't really be a problem.

Saynotopineappleonpizza2021 · 30/03/2022 13:47

Even now at older ages 2hrs each way for a day is our max

Id leave at 10pm after your husband finishes work though and stay there then drive back the next day if you were wanting to attend

NdefH81 · 30/03/2022 13:47

Tired for foster child next day?

No way would I go

Jjjayfee · 30/03/2022 13:48

Sorry but I think grandmother is being unreasonable. As a grandmother, I think you put the welfare of granddaughter over your own wishes

Gregsprinkles · 30/03/2022 13:48

Frankly I'd prioritise Granny's 60'th celebrations over getting back for the fosterchild. Wherever the fosterchild has been parked, those carers can surely keep them a little longer. It's just a day's pay; and Granny might not have all that many more Big Birthdays left, to celebrate.

Blimey, is that a real comment?? "Been parked"?? Sad

JaneAust · 30/03/2022 13:49

I wouldn't do it.

Another example of grabbie Grandma's! They really piss me off. Without a shadow of a doubt they wouldn't have done it with their kids.

Op - during the day, beware, you'll get a load of grabbie Grandma's urging you to go Hmm and to pay for hotels or just suck it up because it's totally fine to drive for 6.5 hours in one day with multiple stops to walk around a service station with a 7 month old as she screams the place down Hmm who cares if it's not in the child's best interest or if it's incredibly stressful for the parents Angry it's their birthday.....Hmm

Ignore. 100% say sorry you can't make it.

ilovemyboys3 · 30/03/2022 13:51

I wouldn't be taking my baby or any young child in the car for that length journey. It's too far and too much for one day. If it includes a stop over night somewhere then okay fair enough but just tell her you can't go unless they are willing to travel your direction and meet you to shorten the journey. My baby hates a 15 min journey, let alone 3 hrs each way 🥺

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 30/03/2022 13:52

I wouldn't have wanted to do this.

DS would have slept for the whole car journey there and then would have screamed the place down from being woken 'too soon' when we arrived - or I could have sat in the car on my own with him to try and wake him more gently - and it's likely I'd have spent the whole meal soothing him outside so as not to disrupt everyone else because he wouldn't want to sit in a high chair after being in the car all that time. Then he'd have slept the whole way home and we'd have had the being woken 'too soon' thing at the other end combined with him not going to sleep until really late.

Staryflight445 · 30/03/2022 13:54

‘ Benes

We drove 9 hours to Cornwall when DS was that age!
Just factor in some breaks or go the day before 🤷🏼‍♀️’

Some people just don’t get it op. I’ve had 2 car screamers, it’s horrible and I wouldn’t put us through it.

silversequin · 30/03/2022 13:56

@CoastalWave

Meh

My kids from the age of 0 travelled 6 hours to see my parents - every 3 months. And then 6 hours back.

3 hours each way is honestly NOTHING.

Think you're making a big deal out of it because you don't want to go. D

Same here and I agree, though it seems that we’re in the minority.

It’s a normal journey for those who live away from family.

When our DC were young we preferred to do that length journey in a day because they didn’t sleep well in hotels. We just stopped for a short break every now and again.

Now they’re older we travel the evening before - is this an option as someone else suggested?

Would you feel the same if it was your mum’s 60th?