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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby travel HUGE argument

382 replies

blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 12:00

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

OP posts:
KatsuKatsu · 30/03/2022 12:12

You need to have a break in the journey when they are that young. If you and DH both think its a bad idea then it probably is.

axolotlfloof · 30/03/2022 12:12

@blinkywinkytime

Thanks all, that's what we were thinking. She's our child and we know how she reacts in certain situations.

Sorry should have said can't stay night before due to husbands work commitments until 9pm!

It's 3 hours no breaks each way. Busy routes around London so probably a lot more.

My argument is it doesn't matter what the situation if we make a decision that should be respected.

If she was older and more able to be entertained in the car I would have no issue.

I wouldn't do this full stop. My teenagers wouldn't enjoy spending 6 hours in a car, and would have been miserable as babies. Offer to go another weekend instead or just send one adult.
Beastieboys · 30/03/2022 12:12

My daughter used to travel from Northern England to Northern Germany via Hull a couple of times a year between birth and 3 yrs old on average 24 hrs door to door first trip was at 4 wks old....... No problems at all as she slept most of the way and when she was older made sure to give her a few good runs around when possible and made sure she had a couple of favorite toys/music available

GahAndTheBear · 30/03/2022 12:13

Over 6 hours in the car to take a 7 month old to a restaurant?

Nothing about this sounds anything other than stressful. Do a separate, more sensible, activity to celebrate the birthday.

Gizacluethen · 30/03/2022 12:14

No my baby wouldn't have coped. We're going to Cornwall when DS is 13mo. I've booked places to stay half way so we're only traveling 3hrs a day.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 30/03/2022 12:15

I wouldn't do it if couldn't stay over night.

SummerHouse · 30/03/2022 12:16

Oh so the huge argument is with Grandma as she wants to see the baby? Bit controlling and self centered to expect a baby to do a six hour round trip and then spit the dummy out if parents refuse.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/03/2022 12:17

One parent go to the meal (the one who is related to the 60yo), and the other one stay home with the baby.

WhatNoRaisins · 30/03/2022 12:18

Just say no, it doesn't work for us. Everyone knows that babies limit your social life so they shouldn't be surprised you can't make everything.

Sycamoretrees · 30/03/2022 12:18

I think this says more about how much you want to go to be honest. If you wanted to be there you'd find a way to do it

dfendyr · 30/03/2022 12:19

@blinkywinkytime

Sorry to drip feed! Actual birthday was weeks ago!

Yes option is husband goes I stay here with her but she wants to see her.

well she meets half way then
olympicsrock · 30/03/2022 12:20

No way would I do this. If she wants to see the baby she meets half way. Crazy for any of you to be doing this journey. Do it another time when you can all really enjoy it.

HollowTalk · 30/03/2022 12:21

I wouldn't do it. At 60 your grandmother is young enough to come to visit you.

BIWI · 30/03/2022 12:21

@blinkywinkytime You mean three hours there and three hours back then?

It's 3 hours no breaks each way. Busy routes around London so probably a lot more

How can there not be any breaks? There are always places to stop.

I think YABU actually. It's not that bad a journey, and you can take breaks.

But as PP have said, why not take the train?

cherryonthecakes · 30/03/2022 12:23

I'd do it for a short break (say a weekend) but not for a new. Even if she was fine in the car, I wouldn't bank on her being fine in the restaurant too. You've asked if grandma would compromise by having her dinner half way and she's said no so it's her loss.

7eleven · 30/03/2022 12:26

I’d compromise with husband going on his own to the meal, and you all going to see grandma the weekend afterwards or sometime close.

nurserypolitics · 30/03/2022 12:27

I did a lot worse around that age. Its definitely do-able. Id start v early in. the day, aim to travel centred around nap times, and plan stops based on when she wakes up

So if she naps for 90 minutes Id plan a couple of stops either side of that. It sounds like you don't think its worth it though.

NerrSnerr · 30/03/2022 12:27

I wouldn't do 3 hours each way to sit in a restaurant with a 7 month old. Just sounds too stressful. If staying over wasn't possible I'd go another time when you can stay over.

I know some people on here will say it's fine, but what's most important is if you think it'll be fine for your family and it doesn't sound like it will be.

Hertsgirl10 · 30/03/2022 12:28

Who’s mum is it? Which side yours or DP?

jackstini · 30/03/2022 12:28

If dh finishes work at 9 the night before I would get straight in the car and go when baby is asleep straight to hotel

Then after meal hopefully they will be tired after all the being picked up and chatting and sleep on way home too

How often does the grandmother see the baby?

Cakecakecheese · 30/03/2022 12:28

It sounds like it's an awkward time with your other commitments, can you offer to go for a whole weekend another time so she gets more time with her grandchild. She wouldn't even get much time with her if you did go to this meal.

godmum56 · 30/03/2022 12:28

Oh "she wants to see her" Well your daughter is not a toy or a table decoration and you are her parents so YANBU and the answer is "so sorry that doesn't work for us, maybe when she is older". If she loves her granddaughter so much she won't want her to be distressed will she?

knittingaddict · 30/03/2022 12:29

@ChickinMarango

Can you not go the night before so you only have to do the journey on the way home?
That's what I would do. Stay in a Premier Inn. They are usually quite reasonable this time of year.
foreverroaming · 30/03/2022 12:29

Nope nope nope. My 7 month didn't like the car seat and no amount of distractions would help. Stopping would make it worse because she would be happy and then we'd have to put her back in, cue more crying!

You could go the day before and stay over but I think you're perfectly justified in staying home for that reason if you want.

WhenDovesFly · 30/03/2022 12:30

I would say on this occasion that either your DH goes on his own, as it's his DM, while you stay at home with the baby, or you both go if there's someone you trust who you can leave your DD with for the day. Sadly DGM will have to miss out with a visit from the baby this time, and anyway if it's her 60th, the focus should be on her big birthday, not the baby.