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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby travel HUGE argument

382 replies

blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 12:00

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

OP posts:
comealongponds · 30/03/2022 12:53

No it’s too much travel for the sake of a meal out. Not like a holiday or longer visit where the time there justifies the travel time.

Whichever you is the child of the woman turning 60 should go alone, the other stay home with the baby.

dammit88 · 30/03/2022 12:53

@Shamoo

If you wanted to go enough, you would make it work. Change work obligation the day before, leave super early the next morning to get back in time. Or do the drive. You don’t want to go enough to make any of these choices, which is fine, but you also then have to own it.
This in spades. Its entirely doable, you just don't want to. There are people I would do this for and people I wouldn't. You aren't willing to for your MIL which may or may not be perfectly understandable.
MyDcAreMarvel · 30/03/2022 12:53

Travelling at 9pm is an ideal time to travel. As pp says stay in a premier inn nearby.

CoastalWave · 30/03/2022 12:54

Meh

My kids from the age of 0 travelled 6 hours to see my parents - every 3 months. And then 6 hours back.

3 hours each way is honestly NOTHING.

Think you're making a big deal out of it because you don't want to go. D

emmathedilemma · 30/03/2022 12:54

oh no, don't do this to yourselves or your child!!

CoastalWave · 30/03/2022 12:55

@BoodleBug51

I wouldn't leave a baby in a car seat for that length of time for anyone.
You don't. You would stop half way.

Plus one adult sits in the back with the baby.

It's honestly NOT an issue. 3 hours is hardly anything.!

erinaceus · 30/03/2022 12:55

I would arrange to FaceTime your relatives at the meal to say hello and share birthday greetings, and also make arrangements to meet GM another time -- perhaps when she is able to meet you halfway or come to yours, or when you are able to make a weekend trip with an overnight stay.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/03/2022 12:56

So up to 4.5 hours each way for a meal she can't eat. No.

RealRaymondReddington · 30/03/2022 12:57

I'd go as no real reason not to. But you don't seem to want and so it is up to you, maybe just pick a different weekend if you can agree one?! We'd put baby in bed clothes and drive after work and stay the night in a Premier Inn or similar. We had a lie flat seat that is safer for longer periods and meant she slept really well. 3 hours with one stop is not the longest journey ever for a special do.

Viviennemary · 30/03/2022 12:58

It's an unecessary journey. Arrange it for another time when an overnight stay is possible. All that way for a meal. It's madness.

2bazookas · 30/03/2022 12:58

IME a 7-month old baby can easily sleep through two 3 hour car journeys. Mine often did.

Frankly I'd prioritise Granny's 60'th celebrations over getting back for the fosterchild. Wherever the fosterchild has been parked, those carers can surely keep them a little longer. It's just a day's pay; and Granny might not have all that many more Big Birthdays left, to celebrate.

RussianSpy101 · 30/03/2022 12:58

YABVU!

nokidshere · 30/03/2022 13:00

If you wanted to go enough, you would make it work. Change work obligation the day before, leave super early the next morning to get back in time. Or do the drive. You don’t want to go enough to make any of these choices, which is fine, but you also then have to own it.

I agree with this.

We always travelled at night with our two, pyjamas in the car, bed on arrival.

BIWI · 30/03/2022 13:00

Who is the argument with @blinkywinkytime? Your OP says your DH agrees - as that a typo?

ConfusedByDesign · 30/03/2022 13:01

I’m someone who has done lots of long car journeys with babies and I wouldn’t do that journey for a restaurant. To someone’s house or hotel room, yes as you can relax a bit, soothe the baby and do whatever you need. You can’t do that in a restaurant.

GraceandMolly · 30/03/2022 13:03

We had to drive 24h when baby was 7 weeks and then again when 6months old. We split it over over 3 days, so on average 8h per day and stopped every 2 hours to feed, change nappies and have a little rest. It’s doable.
The question is how important it is for you.

WouldBeGood · 30/03/2022 13:04

Or get up really early to drive/train home?

Topseyt · 30/03/2022 13:05

@blinkywinkytime

Sorry to drip feed! Actual birthday was weeks ago!

Yes option is husband goes I stay here with her but she wants to see her.

So it isn't even her actual birthday as that was a while ago now. Why allow her to dictate? I would give her two options:

  1. DH goes on his own and they spend some quality time together while you stay at home with the baby.

  2. If she is so desperate to see your baby then she comes to stay for the night at your house and goes home the next day. You can go to a restaurant local to you after she arrives and you will be better placed to cater to your baby's needs.

Blossom64265 · 30/03/2022 13:06

I had a car screamer. Even 10 minutes was torture. Not a chance I would have subjected her to this.

Grandma could schedule the meal for a time when you have a longer window so you could get a better visit in anyway.

EthelTheAardvark · 30/03/2022 13:07

@WouldBeGood

Or get up really early to drive/train home?
A 3.5 hour journey (or more) with a small baby starting at 5/6 a.m. with the baby's routine totally out of whack, and after a similar journey the day before? That would be both dangerous and pretty insane.
RowanAlong · 30/03/2022 13:08

I was fairly precious with my first, and wouldn’t have done it. Now, I’d say go for it, it’s only one day out of millions! She won’t remember it, sit in the back with her, she’ll likely nap some of it..try and schedule a break.. but I’d understand why it feels like too much stress.

WouldBeGood · 30/03/2022 13:08

Mine were always up early 😃

Frazzled2207 · 30/03/2022 13:10

I don't think there is a right or wrong here it depends on your circumstanced and how happy baby is in the car

I wouldn't have wanted to do this with mine at that age but that would have been more to do with the fact as they were both rubbish sleepers we were all constantly knackered and a day trip like that would have been a total unnecessarily stressful day out. I would have planned to go for a proper weekend some other time.

Flittingaboutagain · 30/03/2022 13:11

I wouldn't contemplate this for my baby just for a meal...perhaps for a week's holiday! It's just not something my baby (8 months) would enjoy and so I'd feel quite selfish to do it to her to please someone else.

LittleGwyneth · 30/03/2022 13:12

I thought you were only supposed to have the baby in the car seat for about an hour at a time? Or is that just a PFB thing?