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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby travel HUGE argument

382 replies

blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 12:00

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

OP posts:
a1poshpaws · 31/03/2022 19:14

@TabithaTittlemouse

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

That’s really unfair to ask her to meet halfway

TabithaTittlemouse

Are you for real?????

FFS, I'm almost 69 and I travel hundreds of miles despite various disabilities so that I can visit my son. The OP's grandmother is only 60, she's a bloody spring chicken.

If she's so keen to see the OP and family she could EASILY meet half way.

NumberTheory · 31/03/2022 19:19

YABNU I probably wouldn't commit to a 6 hour round trip in one day for a lunch even without a 7 month old baby.

I would probably look into going up the night before, though. Driving from 9 - midnight would, for me, be much better than doing the same trip 12 hours later, especially as baby more likely to sleep for more of it. But that's me. Lots of people not up for driving long distances at that time of night, especially if already sleep deprived.

A580Hojas · 31/03/2022 19:25

My babies didn't hate the car and would usually fall asleep for an hour or two, no screaming. Very occasionally we would have done a 2.5 hour car journey to visit relatives and it was OK. But absolutely not there and back in one day!

Mfsf · 31/03/2022 19:26

So 3 hours each way , it’s not that bad , just stop a few times , maybe leave early so she sleeps longer and return in the evening so she sleeps in the return ?

N1no · 31/03/2022 19:28

Our DD would be fine but I would spend the money on petrol just to go for a meal. DH drives that distance twice a week and our DP live that far apart but it’s not worth the money and CO2 emissions. You can plan something for an other weekend and stay 2 nights.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/03/2022 19:35

3hrs each way. I’ve done that before with a baby and toddler In A day

Stop after 1.5hrs stretch legs etc. Wee snack. Continue

Mamamamamia · 31/03/2022 19:43

I dont think you are supposed to have a baby in a car seat for such a long time without a break, anyways

EverydayIsPJday · 31/03/2022 19:43

Nope, not a chance. I wouldn't even want to do it myself for a lunch of a birthday that's been and gone. I also would be abit 🤨 that the grandparent thinks it's reasonable to do it. You will be most likely be knackered anyway, and that's if the baby sleeps like an angel.

Owwlie · 31/03/2022 19:46

Travelling at 9pm is an ideal time to travel. As pp says stay in a premier inn nearby.

Depends on the child. I’ve tried this with all 3 of mine, all woke as soon as lifted from the car seat and were awake for hours after. Not what you want at 11pm in a hotel room.

JudgeJ · 31/03/2022 19:52

@Thatsplentyjack

We frequently drove back from or back to Germany in a day with our children from birth, it really doesn't have to the the problem that MN always seems to make it. It was 5 or 6 hours on each side of the channel.

Did youbhave any children that screamed the whole time they were in the car? Stressful, dangerous, exhausting and the child really shouldn't be put through that.

No we didn't because they were used to travelling from an early age and were not constantly held 24 hours a days so they never developed any 'attachment' problems either and they've both turned out OK!
Lilapixie · 31/03/2022 19:56

It really depends on your baby. With DS i would have done this no problem. He would always fall asleep after 5mins in the car and not wake up until we stop. Even at age 6 this was still the case Smile
DD not so much. She would scream the entire drive. I drove alone with the 2 kids for 3h once. DD was literally crying for 2.5h while DS slept next to her. It was awful and i couldnt calm her down. If your child hates the car i say dont do it. How is she if somebody sits with her in the back?

Bobbins36 · 31/03/2022 20:01

3 hours isn’t that big a deal tbh and you can always find a stop somewhere! If it’s too much then one of you go. Making a mountain out of a molehill OP.

surreygirl1987 · 31/03/2022 20:09

At 7 months I would consider it - it's basically a 3 hour trip (yes, twice but with a massive gap between them!). Not ideal and I'd only do it if I really wanted to be somewhere special. Try to plan it so the baby will be asleep for a chunk of it?

phoenixrosehere · 31/03/2022 20:49

No we didn't because they were used to travelling from an early age and were not constantly held 24 hours a days so they never developed any 'attachment' problems either and they've both turned out OK!

Seriously? That is not how it works. What an exaggeration. I swear some people can’t wrap their head around babies just being different and having their own personalities, including some are more comfortable than others in different situations, such as the car.

Original poster
blinkywinkytime · 31/03/2022 20:56

[quote Crumbleburntbits]@blinkywinkytime I’ve noticed you said MIL is South African. Assuming she is white, she probably had domestic help with your DH and SIL when they were babies. Of course she was relaxed with her children, if she wasn’t juggling work, childcare and housework![/quote]
I've said this many times, she was 16 when she had DH and from a wealthy family so it was very hush hush, he was pretty much raised by staff for the early years. Then she moved over here when he was 10 but claims even now when she visits SA parents are much more relaxed in terms of routine etc.

But I have argued many times to DH that the circles she mixes in all have numerous staff so of course they are relaxed if they have people to entertain children at dinner parties and nannies (1 each child is V common!)

I digress! But yes it's very much a MIL problem rather than baby one it seems.

OP posts:
Wartywart · 31/03/2022 20:57

My DC would have hated it and screamed the whole way as well as ruined the restaurant part because I would have been outside with them jiggling them the whole time/changing nappies/breastfeeding/trying to get them to try a bit of solids/not having time to eat myself or go to the loo.

Don't go. It sounds like hell on earth. Grandmother will have to understand. Or just tell her you've been in close contact with someone who's since tested positive for Covid and don't want to risk infecting everyone. 😉

phoenixrosehere · 31/03/2022 20:58

OP and her DH already decided not to go and rightly so.

Going on a six hour plus round trip for a non-event lunch (her b’day was weeks ago) because grandma wants to see her granddaughter yet not enough to come to them despite having no job and the means to come to them. She obviously has the times on her hands to visit them but expects them to trek it to her knowing they have a disabled foster child and a 7 mo.

Troublewithtribbles · 31/03/2022 20:59

With a compliant chilled baby that sleeps in the car and wakes up happy that still sounds like a lot of driving for a meal, but do-able. With a baby that doesn’t sleep, or wakes up angry after sleeping, won’t settle well for long in the car, is super stressful. Then add sitting in a restaurant trying to be sociable with a potentially fractious child whilst everyone pretends to have a good time. Not practical. Been there and not ideal. All depends on the child to a large degree, but it does sound open to a lot of risk of stress all around.

canary1 · 31/03/2022 21:05

OP, you are not digressing at all in explaining the GM background. Her experience demonstrate that she is extremely privileged, entitled... and has no idea what it’s like for the vast majority of people.
She can journey to you if she wants to see you. I wouldn’t entertain this restaurant 3 hours away nonsense in a million years!

maybloss2 · 31/03/2022 21:05

Asking someone to change their birthday venue isn’t on. But neither is having a baby in a car for 3 hrs. I wouldn’t do that without 1/2breaks.
When mine were little we didn’t drive and took trains anywhere we needed to go. As long as you book seats with a table it’s pretty easy. Walk baby up n down, feed and play. Sometimes it’s good to just hope for the best!BUT a bored or screaming baby in a car seat is just hell for everyone. It’s your call🤷‍♂️

Londoncallingme · 31/03/2022 21:15

I can’t see a problem with it - babies that age sleep a lot with lotion, give her a hefty feed and go. Do you like your MIL?
Would you make the effort if it was your own mums special BD?
If you don’t want to go, don’t go, but a sleeping baby is a poor excuse.

pollyglot · 31/03/2022 21:17

DS1 been using this as an excuse not to visit for 8 years now.

Dextersdaddy · 31/03/2022 21:38

Mine didn't sleep a lot in the car at that age, in fact she was awful in the car at that age. Car journeys (even short ones were horrendous) and I sat in the back with her. She got better when she started forward facing but we declined lots of invites because we hated travelling with a screaming baby. Its distracting and dangerous when you are trying to drive.
If your baby slept then great 3 hours with breaks is fine, OP has said her baby does not like being in her carseat.

Mossstitch · 31/03/2022 21:45

I wouldn't want to drive 6 hrs in one day for a meal myself but I did drive to Brittany with a 4 month old and a 9 month old at various times to go camping 🤷babies were happy so long as could see me and if grizzly stopped and breastfed. Entertained by their father or older siblings as family grew. I think one of the problems that makes babies unhappy now (although aware of safety reasons) are the rearward facing seats. The only time I had an older baby facing backwards it was grizzling big style and I couldn't understand why, stopped took him out of carseat and promptly threw up. I think it makes them feel carsick, I know it would me🤢

MrPickles73 · 31/03/2022 21:47

I would go the night before. Post husband's work and stay a night. We had a Lue flat car seat so car journeys less of an issue re baby squashed up in car seat.

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