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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby travel HUGE argument

382 replies

blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 12:00

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

OP posts:
NdefH81 · 30/03/2022 20:44

@Sharnydubs

I was measured in my previous comment, but I'll just say it ;

Life shouldn't always revolve round our children.
Keep them safe from genuine harm and predominantly happy, but sometimes children just have to fall in with what the adults need or want to do !

Irrespective of child

Who the flipping heck wants to travel that distance for a lunch

I found my children very useful in these circumstances in assisting with me getting out of things like this!

stuntbubbles · 30/03/2022 21:25

@Sharnydubs

I was measured in my previous comment, but I'll just say it ;

Life shouldn't always revolve round our children.
Keep them safe from genuine harm and predominantly happy, but sometimes children just have to fall in with what the adults need or want to do !

But it can revolve around “Would I enjoy 6.5 hours travelling with a baby to go to a fake birthday lunch, or nah?”
canary1 · 30/03/2022 21:31

Sharnydubs

Only one selfish adult wants this!
It’s an absurd idea for anyone, let alone with a 7 month old

ddl1 · 30/03/2022 22:08

@BearimyJeremy

I did a similar drive with DS2 at a similar age and omg never again (not least as he is 12 now :) )

I would have driven off the side of the road just to make the noise stop. He was fine like you say to sleep for a bit but then awake, shuffling, crying, needing changing... it just isn't practical in my opinion.

My prefered option would be to leave the baby with your partner and go alone. I know relatives would probably love to see your daughter but the day is about your gran and it means she is centre stage, not being distracted by a potentially fussy and grumpy baby and you can focus on her and catching up with your other family.

I agree with other posters just because your child was an angel in the car doesn't mean all are! Only you know your daughter's (and your own) tolerance OP.

I agree that the most sensible solution would be for just one of the couple to attend, while the baby stays at home with the other. But this has been suggested and the grandmother isn't having it; she insists that the baby must come.
Cameliah · 30/03/2022 22:14

It’s recommended that babies should spend a maximum of 2 hours in a 24 hour period sitting in a car seat. They can’t breathe properly when they’re scrunched up in a car seat so their oxygen levels start to fall and they can suffocate. I wouldn’t be willing to risk my baby’s health for a stupid lunch. The 2 hour guideline is there for a good reason.

Hollywolly1 · 30/03/2022 22:33

I bet even though the sil is abroad it would be much less effort for her to go but she's not going and that's why she wants you guys to go to take the pressure off her.

PurpleTrilby · 31/03/2022 00:05

Birthday girl sounds like a demanding bitch. 60 is fuck all age to travel to you if it's such a big deal to see her grandchild. Stick to your guns. Not your circus not your monkeys.

PugInTheHouse · 31/03/2022 06:42

A lot of people are saying they've done 6 or 24 hrs of travelling with babies, we also did but not to then travel back on the same day, its not realky comparable. I probably wouldn't want to do that without kids but then again we are a close family so wouldn't be selfish and demand that someone do 6/7 hrs travelling with a baby to attend a meal, we would make suitable arrangements as a family.

PikachuAndMe · 31/03/2022 08:45

toomanydogsandcats
My parents drive from London to Greece to Afghanistan and back when I was 1 month old I can't really get my head around these neurosis. Some qomwn give birth and are back picking coconuts with a sling the next day.

42stuntbubbles
They waited a month to travel such a short distance? Pah! When I was a week old my parents took the boat from Dover to New Zealand then on to Cape Cod. Some women give birth in shackles – not relevant, but nonetheless true.

Pah, that's nothing. I didnt have a car so the same day I gave birth I strapped my newborn to my back, walked from London to Holyhead, swam across the sea, then walked across Ireland to have lunch with my mother in law and have her meet the baby first. Then after lunch I walked/swam/walked back.

Hersetta427 · 31/03/2022 08:46

So just over 3 hrs each way - thats not so bad. You could always stop at the services and take baby out of the car seat as a break

Sounds like you just don't want to go though and are using the baby as an excuse.

Original poster
blinkywinkytime · 31/03/2022 10:19

Some of these replies are Shock

Second thoughts maybe I could strap her to my back and we could swim?! She does live by the coast after all 🙈

Thanks all!

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 31/03/2022 10:31

The joys of AIBU - keyboard somersaults with the sole purpose of saying ‘why yes, OP, YABU’ Grin

Do let us know how your swim round the UK goes Grin

Ponoka7 · 31/03/2022 10:34

@toomanydogsandcats the recommended time a baby should be in a car seat is two hours and even then their oxygen levels can drop. We're you strapped in a car seat, screaming? As for the woman going back to work after birth, that only happed in days of slavery. Every culture has their rituals for after birth care of new mothers. Pre medical intervention, you'd still be passing the placenta the next day.

OP it might end up that she does sleep, which means no sleep that night. Your baby and foster child deserve better. Is she asking this for you to avoid bringing your foster child? She's bloody selfish. There wasn't the need for car seats etc in her day. We were lax with car safety, which made traveling with babies easy.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 31/03/2022 10:37

@blinkywinkytime

Some of these replies are Shock

Second thoughts maybe I could strap her to my back and we could swim?! She does live by the coast after all 🙈

Thanks all!

You're going to strap your baby to your back to swim?

My baby swam right round the UK by herself when she was half an hour old, I didn't even supervise, I was too busy competing in a triathlon (started it in labour so my time wasn't as good as usual due to giving birth half way through)

Honestly, some parents are so protective.

Geranium1984 · 31/03/2022 10:41

I wouldn't even want to do a 6hr return journey in a car in one day let alone make a child of any age do it!
If you can't stay over then I'd try and rearrange for another time.

Vivi0 · 31/03/2022 11:12

A 6 hour round car journey for grandma’s “Big Birthday” lunch? Nope.

I wouldn’t make the journey on my own, never mind dragging a 7 month old along with me. Yes, even if it was my own my mother’s birthday. Nor would she ever expect me to.

It’s funny how grandfathers never show this level of entitlement. Seems to me that some grown women need to be reminded that they are not actually the Birthday Princess and that no one really gives a fuck about their birthday.

If you are the type of person that would people please to this extent, you should really be seeing a therapist. It’s not a normal or reasonable request or expectation. Even for a “Big Birthday”. Grow up!

KarenOLantern · 31/03/2022 11:39

@Sharnydubs

I was measured in my previous comment, but I'll just say it ;

Life shouldn't always revolve round our children.
Keep them safe from genuine harm and predominantly happy, but sometimes children just have to fall in with what the adults need or want to do !

That's all well and good but it ignores the fact that travelling in a car for 6 hours with a break for a sit-down meal in a restaurant is probably even more unenjoyable, stressful and tiring for the parents than it is for the baby.
Jules91 · 31/03/2022 16:40

@Vivi0

A 6 hour round car journey for grandma’s “Big Birthday” lunch? Nope.

I wouldn’t make the journey on my own, never mind dragging a 7 month old along with me. Yes, even if it was my own my mother’s birthday. Nor would she ever expect me to.

It’s funny how grandfathers never show this level of entitlement. Seems to me that some grown women need to be reminded that they are not actually the Birthday Princess and that no one really gives a fuck about their birthday.

If you are the type of person that would people please to this extent, you should really be seeing a therapist. It’s not a normal or reasonable request or expectation. Even for a “Big Birthday”. Grow up!

I like you Grin
Pebblebeach2 · 31/03/2022 17:34

Just go. This is the type of thing I wouldn't do with my first but wouldn't bat an eyelid at doing with my second. The baby won't break on a long car journey.

Juststopamoment · 31/03/2022 17:34

I wouldn’t do it.

Kidsgrownup · 31/03/2022 17:36

Be prepared to sing 'Wheels on the Bus' all the way there, and all the way back.

Buffs · 31/03/2022 17:47

YANBU

Newbabynewhouse · 31/03/2022 17:50

If you've got nowhere to stay don't go..ive got a 1 year old and havnt been in the car longer than hour with her..she screams also! ...why would u put yourself through that wait until shes older to do longer car journeys if you dont feel comfortable x

WonderfulYou · 31/03/2022 17:57

The drive is absolutely fine.
I did this several times a year from my child being born.

The only issue I would have is driving 7 hours to spend a couple of hours and then turning around and driving all the way home.

I would try and stay the day before. If it’s not possible to stay overnight then I wouldn’t go and do something extra special on a weekend that you can stay.

Lilac57 · 31/03/2022 18:00

Just say no, it’s not reasonable and you can see grandmother on a different day, when you can stay over. There’s no way I’d drive all that way just for a meal out!