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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby travel HUGE argument

382 replies

blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 12:00

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

OP posts:
Mrsmch123 · 31/03/2022 18:07

For 3 hours I definitely would do it. You can stop half way and stretch the baby. We drove for 4 hours when baby was 3 months. Stoped at the border and got out fed the baby ect he was fine. It's a special occasion so I think you should make the effort. She's not a tiny newborn so less worry about car seat. Take some toys to entertain her🤷🏻‍♀️

angela99999 · 31/03/2022 18:11

I know you've decided not to go.

It would have been so stressful for you all and your baby might have howled through lunch anyway - you'd probably have been criticised for that too!

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/03/2022 18:15

There is absolutely no way I’d do this with a baby, who hates the car. Your baby will scream, be cranky and not want to sit again in a high chair for a prolonged period of time for lunch. Grandma needs to adjust her expectations. Dh and I travelled two lots of 3 hours in one day (1.5 then a break) and a good gap in the middle. But dd slept a lot of the time and was fine with the travelling.

Carriecakes80 · 31/03/2022 18:16

I hate having kids in the car that long, its not good for them...especially with no breaks, that would be a definate no. Can you go alone? If not, just explain its a bit far for such a young kiddy and offer to do something else at another time. x

Camillasmummy · 31/03/2022 18:17

I think it very much depends on the baby and only you and your partner know how they’d be.

Maybe arrange to see her another day very soon when you can stay over for the weekend or something.

Kjpt140v · 31/03/2022 18:18

If you think it is too far, then don't go. It is not you being selfish. Your child comes before anybody else.

Ponoka7 · 31/03/2022 18:19

"It's a special occasion"

It isn't, the birthday was weeks ago. The GM has decided on this date to have lunch.

cherish123 · 31/03/2022 18:23

Should be fine. Will you have another adult to entertain DC or is it just you?

crosstalk · 31/03/2022 18:34

@silversequin @CoastalWave

Bravo you.

Many of us have taken young children and babies to stay with family and travelled for over 3 hours - if not six, breaking the journey because we can afford a hotel or can stay with friends on the way. And could afford the petrol! And we weren't just going for lunch.

But to travel 3 hours there, have lunch and drive 3 hours back for a non-birthday sounds extreme. Especially with a toddler who hates car travel and a partner only back from work at 9pm the previous evening. It's not going to be pleasant for anyone.

Least of all a 60 year old who presumably would be capable of visiting or organising something else.

As my DP was capable of doing aged 80 with a significant illness. She didn't do a lunch requiring a six hour round trip with grandchildren. She organised it well ahead with us all so we could make our own plans or refuse.

AmberMcAmber · 31/03/2022 18:34

We have this every time we have to make the 300mile each way trip to my MILs - she finds every excuse to not meet us in the middle, shortens the trip by changing dates (so we no longer have extra leave) and it’s just a weekend, she lives over an hour away from the nearest train station that we could use to get there (unless we add another 2.5.hrs to journey) and all in all is a massive bellend - I hate it & her but my DH isn’t in right frame of mind to address her BS so I do my best to limit visits

Buuuut when we do go, we stop every 90mins for 20-30 mins where DC can be stretched out & have fresh air etc x this makes the journey close to 10hrs each way once you’ve factored in breaks

jamdonut · 31/03/2022 18:41

When my first child was 3 months old, we went on a journey from Hertfordshire to Edinburgh . Parents-in-law took us ( now Ex DH, me and baby) by car to see his uncle , aunt and cousins. It was not a problem . We had several stops along the way, so it took a bit longer than usual -about 7 or 8 hours as I recall ( my son is 29 now!)

LittleBearPad · 31/03/2022 18:42

I think you’re being pretty precious.

It’s only 3 hours each way and you can easily stop.

cherish123 · 31/03/2022 18:43

I see 2 adults. Could one drive and other entertain DD and then swap?

cherish123 · 31/03/2022 18:45

I drove 7 hours a few times when DS was a baby, sometimes with DH, sometimes just me. I also drove a toddler to France alone. It was fine. It will be fine for you too.

toomuchlaundry · 31/03/2022 18:51

@cherish123 was your child a car seat hater and screamer?

SirChenjins · 31/03/2022 18:55

@cherish123

I drove 7 hours a few times when DS was a baby, sometimes with DH, sometimes just me. I also drove a toddler to France alone. It was fine. It will be fine for you too.
Lucky you. I did and so knew I couldn’t and wasn’t fine.
DidWeHaveAWinter · 31/03/2022 18:59

Personally would go the night before at 9pm
Pjs on, Give bottle, change nappy, put in car seat
Baby will sleep in car and much less traffic

gemgemgemgemgem · 31/03/2022 19:02

I wouldn’t have done it at 7 months, mine was the same if she was awake she’d be screaming. Then knowing she’d have to just sit in a restaurant then return would just be too much for us all. I’d have said no but arranged something special for family member closer to home x

Madamum18 · 31/03/2022 19:03

Its a shame there is so much smug intolerance on here!

Bimblybomeyelash · 31/03/2022 19:03

I’d do it, if the day was going to be comfortable and relaxing once I reached
The destination - ie at my mother in laws house so that my child could crawl around and play, and be put down for a nap if needed. I wouldn’t drive all that way to sit in a restaurant and try to keep a 7 month old happy and entertained and quiet in that setting.

Catsstillrock · 31/03/2022 19:09

MIL doesn’t want to see her if she isn’t prepared to travel.

She wants her as a pet / prop to show off to her friend.

Some grandparents are like this. Fine to put your child first.

She’ll sulk and tell you stories about the time she drove to Penzance with a 7 month old strapped to the roof and it was fine. Roll your eyes and say SURE

Fernsinthegarden · 31/03/2022 19:11

God I’m having flashbacks to the solo drive I did when DD1 was tiny to wales, 3 hours each way and I was a nervous wreck by the time I got home 🤦‍♀️
I’d say it very much depends on you and your baby though, my second is much happier to do long distances than my first. If you think that you won’t make it then just don’t, nothing more horrific than being stuck in motorway traffic with a screaming inconsolable baby!

Fernsinthegarden · 31/03/2022 19:13

@Catsstillrock - from John O’Groats to Penzance with baby strapped to the roof without stopping ONCE for a wee 😂

Crumbleburntbits · 31/03/2022 19:13

@blinkywinkytime I’ve noticed you said MIL is South African. Assuming she is white, she probably had domestic help with your DH and SIL when they were babies. Of course she was relaxed with her children, if she wasn’t juggling work, childcare and housework!

BingBangB0ng · 31/03/2022 19:14

If you’ve never had a baby who hates the car and you’re saying it’s no big deal, you’re speaking from ignorance.

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