Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Carer charging me even though I didn't employ her

207 replies

NickyNora · 29/03/2022 19:42

My son is Autistic.
We use a Carer on a regular basis.
One of his friends from college had an outing recently.
The other child's parent organised the activity and the Carers.

We all use the same Carers.

The other child invited my son and 2 other boys to the outing.

I thought my son was a guest.
He needs almost no help socially now especially when he's comfortable with the environment and company.

Yesterday, I received an invoice for £160 from one of the Carers.

I checked with the parent of the child whose outing it was, that they have already paid the Carer.
The other parent didn't know I was being billed.

AIBU to say to the Carer, that I won't be paying her as I wasn't aware I was being billed?

OP posts:
WeDontTalkAboutBrunoNoNoNo · 02/04/2022 16:38

I think she's taking advantage of your circumstances massively. no doubt that she is well aware of the challenges of finding a new carer and is using this situation to squeeze extra cash out of you Sad

EthelTheAardvark · 02/04/2022 16:40

Have you suggested to her that she should take this up with the host, OP?

SeptemberAlexandra · 02/04/2022 17:25

Your carer is taking advantage of your personal circumstances and I would struggle to trust someone like this again.

Gazelda · 02/04/2022 18:27

@SeptemberAlexandra

Your carer is taking advantage of your personal circumstances and I would struggle to trust someone like this again.
Exactly.

OP, I'm so sorry that times are tough and that either a misunderstanding or someone taking advantage of you has resulted in your opportunity for respite this month is now severely curtailed.

Have you got any plans for the transition to adult services? I know that this can be particularly hellish, with neither dept wanting to be proactive to support DC into their new system.

RandomMess · 02/04/2022 19:05

Who asked the carer to go on the trip?

That is the person who should have paid!

Sounds like the other carer asked her and not the host parents.

5zeds · 02/04/2022 19:42

Of course she’s taking advantage of OP and her sons disability that makes changing careers really difficult. It’s the nature of the marvellous world we live in and the reality for many of us. ☕️ @NickyNora

EmeraldShamrock1 · 02/04/2022 19:56

She is taking the piss.
I know you feel trapped into paying her, I'd be livid she is a C.F she had no booking for your son.

Kitkat151 · 02/04/2022 20:01

@raffle

Sorry I see she is SI. Is she registered with CQC? Doubtful but maybe?

You could approach the council which provides your sons personal budget and see what they advise

You don’t register with Cqc.... cqc are an independent regulator
Ikeptgoing · 02/04/2022 20:17

Any social worker would advise that it wasn't what DPB (personal budget) was for. That the PA was booked by someone else (I understand the other parent employs them for their child and did made all these arrangements ) and PAs don't get paid twice the amount for same hours.

It would be frowned upon that a PA is invoicing for something that OP did not arrange nor require and is effectively trying to double dip.

The first response way back at start of thread is right OP

Also Usually people with direct payments are offered a referral at the start to an independent agency that does employer support. So it may be worth OP looking up direct payments on your local authority website to see which agency that is - and contact them for support.

Ultimately though OP is employer and as she did not employ the PA for this specific day nor was involved in the arrangements and saw no need for a PA to be booked. The other parents made the arrangements and believe they have fully paid the PA already. The PA has no reason to invoice OP for it (Especially as it would leave OP short on funds for the hours of care that she needs. )!

TheArtfulBlogger · 02/04/2022 20:27

Why would you lose her if you don't pay? Has she threatened you with that?

If so then I would be happy to lose someone who threatens that.

If not, then aa I said, why do you think you'd lose her?

If I book a children's entertainer then I as host pay. The entertainer doesn't go round to each parent asking for money because their kid joined in Hmm who booked her pays her.

Ikeptgoing · 02/04/2022 20:32

I'd set that invoice aside as a mistake despite what the PA is wrongly saying . You've already explained to PA she has been paid by other parent and this invoice is inappropriate. Make sure your response is in writing re this erroneous invoice - "you've sent me an invoice for x day in error, I did not employ you on this day, I understand XYZ did and they have already fully paid you"

Book your care this month as usual and start advertising for a new PA. You should use your son's personal budget only to pay the PA for what you require and have arranged for your respite hours. It's likely in transition to adult services going forward that he will still need PAs as a young disabled adult and you will want ones you can trust.

Original poster
NickyNora · 03/04/2022 00:27

It took about 14 months to find this Carer. I don't expect my son will get any support as an adult.

If I let her go, I get no respite until I find a new Carer.

Sadly the reality is disabled people do not have the same choices as other people.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2022 00:55

This is the issue with DPs. It's all shiny 'choice' and 'freedom' but the truth is that as a SW arranging care I had a lot of power. Not necessarily great for the carer, but they wouldn't do something like this because they'd never work again.

People buying their own care are experts in their family but not experts at purchasing care. Nor do they have the buying power to negotiate.

I'm sorry OP, it's shit.

Indicatrice · 03/04/2022 05:14

I don't pay her she will leave

How do you know this, OP?

It’s terrible that she can hold people to ransom like this, when she has already been paid.

Sswhinesthebest · 03/04/2022 07:18

So she’s not dropped the charge now she’s realised the mistake? Not even reduced it a bit? That’s so bad if her.

Spikeyball · 03/04/2022 07:29

"How do you know this, OP?"

There is a shortage of people with the necessary skills and understanding who will provide respite for people with autism. The care worker can easily go somewhere else if she doesn't get her way.

We have not any direct payment workers for 3 years ( he is funded for 2:1 support) because there is no one. It has saved social care a lot of money but they can say they are doing something because they have given us access to direct payments.

TheNameOfTheRoses · 03/04/2022 08:14

That means you need to take steps to protect yourself @NickyNora because I can guarantee she will try that again.

You’ll have to assume she will try to extort money from you at the earliest opportunity.
I still think you need a chat with her about not doing any caring from your ds Wo first checking with you. At the very least.

It’s crap btw. They do that because they know people won’t make a fuss. They can’t afford to make a fuss. So they get away with murder really :(

MRex · 03/04/2022 10:31

I'm astounded and very sad that you gave in to her blackmail. I would write her a letter that I keep a copy of, stating that never again is she to look after the DS expecting payment unless you have confirmed in writing including the date and exact number of houra, with text or email being sufficient. You cannot leave ambiguity that if she threatens again you'll just pay her even more money for doing nothing.

chopc · 03/04/2022 10:42

@NickyNora you can't let her blackmail you. I know it is difficult but what she is doing is extortion. You didn't book her and your son just happens to be there in the outing ..... you cannot pay her and let her do that to you. However difficult the alternative is.

If she does end the relationship with you because of this issue, I would publicise it - don't have to name her publicly but you can mention what happened in your next door and Facebook group and any care group you are on and ask them to pm you for the name .... don't threaten her with this but I would do this if she carries through with her thread of leaving

5zeds · 03/04/2022 11:04

@MRex I'm astounded and very sad that you gave in to her blackmail. Angry I’m astounded at this bit of victim blaming.

Afterallsbeensaidanddone · 03/04/2022 11:27

MRex

Perhaps if you were in the OP's shoes you would be better able to understand the vulnerability of her position.

MRex · 03/04/2022 11:45

Saying it's sad for the OP isn't victim blaming, what a weird misinterpretation.

nettie434 · 03/04/2022 12:03

@Indicatrice

I don't pay her she will leave

How do you know this, OP?

It’s terrible that she can hold people to ransom like this, when she has already been paid.

Unfortunately there is huge shortage of care workers/personal assistants etc. It is regularly covered on the news now and the OP's experience in terms of the time it took to recruit this care worker is very typical.

Mrex At least you and the other parents are now forewarned should a similar situation occur in the future and you can negotiate a fairer rate. You mentioned that you thought your son might not get anything from adult services. Have you heard of gig buddies?

gigbuddies.org.uk/

It's about helping people get a chance to go out. You mentioned that your son has autism. Obviously I don't know how severe it is but gig buddies do support people with autism who need support to go out.

The other organisation that can help, especially in terms of helping cinemas and theatres to put on 'relaxed' cinema screenings and performances is Dimensions.

dimensions-uk.org/families/support-options/

Hope I haven't caused offence if these are unsuitable.

5zeds · 03/04/2022 12:08

Saying it's sad for the OP isn't victim blaming, what a weird misinterpretation. no it isn’t but that isn’t what you said. You said I'm astounded and very sad that you gave in to her blackmail. which is what I and others responded to.

nettie434 · 03/04/2022 15:36

Just realised that with all the quote posts I mentioned Mrex and not NickyNora. Sorry for the confusion.

Swipe left for the next trending thread