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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend asking to use swimming pool

839 replies

bakedbeansandgravy · 29/03/2022 16:20

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

OP posts:

nokidshere · 29/03/2022 17:51

How are we ever going to get people to stop saying 'do you need to speak to your husband' when people say 'just say DH...' or 'blame DH...' etc?

When she asks just say no. There's no need to feel,guilty, defer to your husband or any other excuse. But if you feel the need to justify it just say 'no, sorry, with rising costs we aren't having it in operation when we are not here'.

opinionminion · 29/03/2022 17:51

Say no due to insurance reasons; you do need to elaborate or feel bad.

PinkSyCo · 29/03/2022 17:51

I got so angry on your behalf I forgot to use commas! And breathe.

forrestgreen · 29/03/2022 17:53

Change that gate code. Text her then you don't have to deal with her in person

Hatinafield · 29/03/2022 17:54

“Sorry Jane. It’s just too complicated to ensure it’s looked after correctly so we’ve had to start saying no to people when we’re not there, I’m sure you understand.”

Yankey812 · 29/03/2022 17:54

That's easy just say no he i being rude by asking anyway if they messed up last time

balalake · 29/03/2022 17:55

A polite no and to save energy costs seems reasonable to me.

LesLavandes · 29/03/2022 17:55

This is quite a serious issue.

Absolutely say no and change yr code to get in.

Secondly what safety security do you have for pool - eg an electric cover, alarms etc?

Chemicals for a pool are a pain if you do it yourself but this is the least of your concerns.

You will I hope checked your insurance?

I am a previous pool owner. No way would I let anyone use my pool unless I was present and if outdoors, I assume it is completely security safe for a potential accident. Be firm. Answer. No and you can explain as I have done to you

Beautiful3 · 29/03/2022 17:57

Just tell the truth, that the heating will be turned off while away.

Capri3 · 29/03/2022 17:57

Just tell her that it costs too much to heat the pool whilst you’re away. Then turn the pool heating right down, and change the gate code. As PP have suggested, you should set up CCTV to check no-one is using your pool when you’re not there.

Lennybenny · 29/03/2022 17:57

@TeenPlusCat

Say no, while you are away the pool won't be being heated?

If pushed say your DH and you have decided not to let people use it while you are away as you've had issues with the chemicals not being right so you need to be there to ensure they are safe/balanced?

This is spot on. It isn't a lie and the pool does need chemicals.

Bib1234 · 29/03/2022 17:58

We came into some inheritance and got a pool during lockdown and I wouldn’t let anyone use it when we are not here - the low water could be from jumping in? My kids can half empty it given half the chance lol
Also can you guarantee she won’t be around using it anyway when she knows you’re away?

Jux · 29/03/2022 17:58

OP, tell dh that to stop her helping herself to your pool (and you know she will) regardless of what you say to her, that he must change the gate code before you go and NOT tell you the new one until you are back!

That way, if she has the cheek to ask you for it while you're away you can't give it to her. The only reason she might need it would be if she wanted to check 'intruders' in which case tell her to call the cops asap and that you are too, " right now!".

Painiscrap · 29/03/2022 17:59

The simplest thing is to say that your insurance doesn’t cover anyone using the pool when you aren’t there, therefore unfortunately it’s going to have to be a no from now on!

Qwill · 29/03/2022 18:00

“ my DD was soo looking forward to using the pool but now she cant and will be so very disappointed ”

Then say, “oh yes, mine get like that too, that’s why I’ve learnt now not to promise them things or get their hopes up”!

Thecommentsmakemechuckle · 29/03/2022 18:00

@Festivalpartygirl

Well if her DD is that disappointed she’ll have to take her to a council one then, not sure where you are but we have the choice of 3 and a water slide park.

This! I’m pretty sure she managed to take her DD swimming before the luxury of having your pool to use! Agree with changing the gate code too.

Peppapigforlife · 29/03/2022 18:00

If her DD is that upset she can take her to a local pool or lido for a few quid. You have to tell people when they're being disrespectful.

TillyTopper · 29/03/2022 18:01

@Guiltypleasures001 has a really good point - but I wouldn't mention that to your friend.

I'd just reply "No sorry, can't do that". But if you feel you can't be that blunt just say "No, we're not heating it whilst away because it'll be serviced". She's very cheeky if you haven't offered.

Onthetrain75 · 29/03/2022 18:01

Tell her that for insurance/Occupier’s Liability no-one should be using the pool when you are not there to supervise for safety reasons.

fruitbrewhaha · 29/03/2022 18:02

I don't understand why people find it so hard to say no.

Just tell her that last time the chemicals were all out of balance after she tried last time and that you'll be turning it off.

I'd also change the number of the lock if I were you.

Roselilly36 · 29/03/2022 18:03

No is a complete answer, you don’t need to come up with an excuse. Change the key code before you go away.

Roselilly36 · 29/03/2022 18:04

@fruitbrewhaha

I don't understand why people find it so hard to say no.

Just tell her that last time the chemicals were all out of balance after she tried last time and that you'll be turning it off.

I'd also change the number of the lock if I were you.

X post, but yes absolutely I agree.

freedomhereicome · 29/03/2022 18:05

This sounds like more than just the pool.

She takes advantage of you as you admit. Is she really a frjend?

Why are you so concerned about upsetting her? She doesn't give two hoots about you or your possessions.

I would do it over text so you can pause and have the time to reply to the emotional blackmail. Which you know is coming.

Also text means you can ask on here for some of the more hardened mumsnetters to help form a reply.

But I'd also work on what you get from this friendship. It sounds very one sided.

fruitbrewhaha · 29/03/2022 18:06

''my DD was soo looking forward to using the pool but now she cant and will be so very disappointed''.

Surely all the times she has been able to use your pool make up for that.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 29/03/2022 18:06

I will tell her she cannot use the pool, and include whatever reason, and she will say (because I know her too well) ''my DD was soo looking forward to using the pool but now she cant and will be so very disappointed

So you ignore. Or reply with a breezy ‘ah well, there it is. DH is adamant’

She is being INCREDIBLY cheeky and you have no right to risk her messing it up again as your DH will be the one to sort it. Being selfish works in more ways than one and your DH deserves your support. His inheritance wasn’t there to indulge your entitled friend!

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