Friend asking to use swimming pool

[bakedbeansandgravy]

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

As it's may, any updates op ?

Nnnoooooo it's not, as it pertains to this month.

@bakedbeansandgravy I hope you managed to tell your "friend" that she can't use the pool. You have had some excellent suggestions already, but telling the truth will be easier to defend - the pool's chmical mix needs balancing and they aren't covered by insurance. Obviously, changing the key code is a no brainer as well.

Oh, and pray for rain

Please tell us that you've deflected her requests.

Agree it’s not a zombie, but I did rush to the bottom for Updates since it’s now May! I was expecting the OP to say she’s come home and found the pool full of Lilos and blow up flamingos!

This is really simple. You need to have agency about this, but obviously not be aggressive (if you want to keep her as a friend - I'm not sure you do but hey ho!). I wouldn't lie about heating, insurance, or 'man-jobs' like dealing with chemicals. I wouldn't lock her out either (well I would, but I wouldn't let her find out that way).

'DH and I have decided that we're only going to have friends round to use the pool in future when we are here'.

That is all you have to say.

Any questions - just say breezily, 'yeah, lots of reasons really, but having a pool is a big responsibility, so that's what we've decided'.

OP energy costs are at insane levels, you can't keep all the heating on on your pool when you're not even there. Just tell them that.

I think you have to tell her the truth -“ last time you messed it up, and caused a lot of hassle and risked damaging the filter” . Otherwise she will ask again .

How long will you be away? We only balance our chems every fortnight. How badly could they mess it up? Unless you are away for longer than that…..

Contrary to many opinions on here, we let our neighbours use our pool when we are away as I think it makes the house appear more lived in to have noise coming from the garden, people coming and going etc. They are wonderful neighbours and have a key and keep an eye on the place when we are away though.

You could use the insurance excuse or you could say “fine, but I am afraid it won’t be heated whilst we are not here”……if you really don’t want them using it.

I can't wait for an update from @bakedbeansandgravy. I hope she explained it was an unreasonable request.

Your second suggestion is a good one. It’s amazing how many people think you should pay for everything when you are wealthy and they aren’t.

Ughh, I'd hate that. Luckily we are not wealthy, sounds like a nightmare. A dip in the river and a picnic is free too. Do please think about the environment, although I take it you don't think it's pressing. Reducing our carbon footprints mean our children will have a planet to live on and food to eat.

I’m not sure if you are serious. Are you suggesting it’s the poor who care most about the environment?

No, just that swimming pools will add considerably to your carbon footprint. I expect the poor have a much smaller environmental impact because they can't afford things like swimming pools, or a lot of flying, or large cars. Not saying that's because they care more though, just don't have the money for those things. Perhaps I should stop now, as I'm taking this off topic, just wanted to answer your question.

Quick, hoik your judgy pants up @gotthis , your agenda is showing.

It's now mid-May, no update and OP last posted in March, saying she would provide an update when one arose... I expect she folded like a wet lettuce.

She doesn't sound like much of a decent friend. She sounds like a CF who is using you. Don't feel bad, feel angry. I'd be distancing her as a friend.

If you can't tell truth "you wreaked pool last time, so no". Then just mention increased heating costs and not keeping it on. Change code. If she moans I'd just give a look, I wouldnt respond or add I doubt you'd want to pay to heat for whole time we're away.

i pm'ed OP lets hope she is still around

So did you say to her no @bakedbeansandgravy

its half term week after next

💺just sitting here...

I very begrudgingly said yes. I've not told DH yet. I thought of all the excuses under the sun to not let her use it. But at the end of the day she will know they are a lie. I dread to think what I've let myself in for.

Pray for rain and buy yourself some big knickers and put them on

Blimey OP. Well, it’s on you.

Why did you say yes?