Friend asking to use swimming pool

[bakedbeansandgravy]

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

I would use insurance as an insurance or just say it is being serviced etc. defo change the code too, no matter how much you trust your friend.

Good luck - always tricky handling situations like this!

@nalabae

As others said lie and say it’s out of service

But this will just defer the problem and prolong the agony unless one party moves out of easy travelling distance.

It is better to tell the truth and head off future requests at the same time.

Don't lie or come up with some stupid excuse, as a month down the road they will just keep asking.

"No."

@BringBackCoffeeCreams

Insurance company have said no, that the home/policy owner has to be around when the pool is in use?

This is a good idea and anyway whether it’s true or not it IS a potential accident possibility. Imagine how you would feel if friend had an accident. Must say I don’t get people who ask for things which aren’t offered it’s just discourteous putting you on spot.

Do change the keycode. If there's an emergency she can call you to get the new one. Otherwise I suspect she might go in and use the unheated, unfiltered pool, then complain! You would be liable for any consequences of her being in your pool too.

Re the pool - we've realised it doesn't work for us to have people use it while we're not there as we've had an issue with the chemical balance going wrong before and it is increasingly expensive to heat.

I'm massively invested in this thread (I was wide awake and found it at 4am this morning- I then fell back to sleep and dreamt about swimming pools and a pool party!)

Please don't let her take advantage of you OP.

P.s- I know it would be too outing to post a picture of your pool, but could you draw a diagram?I would love to see what it looks like!

Why would you lie? If you can't bring yourself to say no and lay out the facts if she pesters - it's expensive to heat, we aren't heating it when we go away, last time you cranked up the heating and/or thrashed about like a whale as the water level was oddly low and you stuffed up the chemicals so that there was algae and pond scum and it took ages to get right again and it pissed my husband off - you say your husband has said absolutely no. And change the gate code.

Just a simple “no that wont work for me” and change the subject.

Just say no, your household insurance won't cover them if you are not present for h & s reasons if your pool is not fenced off etc etc. Also energy costs have gone up.
I do understand your dilemma, it's hard to say an outright no to a friend, I always wish they hadn't had the flipping cheek to ask in the first place and therefore making me say no. I hate having to say no and it gives me days of concern. But of course they would never understand that. Sigh.

Yes, change the gate code asap.

I had no idea what a faff a pool is. Now crossed off my list unless I get lucky enough to be able to pay for regular maintenance.

BringBackCoffeeCreams - has the right idea.

The insurance policy does not cover while homeowner away - but first just say NO and try and not give a reason. Make sure you change number so she can't get in.

@BronwenFrideswide

She massively takes advantage of me in many ways and I feel immensely pressured into saying yes. I'm weak and I know it and so does she.

She's no friend then is she so why are you worried about saying 'No'? Just say 'No' and repeat it if she tries to negotiate, losing a 'friend' who takes advantage of you is no loss.

Honestly can I say it again more heavily. How would you feel if there was an accident? Drowning even? How would you feel? Could you be sued? I think this is a thought towards ANYBODY using your swimming pool whilst you are away. Change the code on the gate. Risk the friendship she doesn’t sound considerate of you.

@SageAndButterSpaghetti

What is everyone suggesting all these excuses/rationale/explanations?!

JUST SAY NO!!

And...is 'change the code' the new 'cancel the cheque'?!

Just saying NO to things isn’t that easy and you can end up feeling bad even if you are justified. The OP wouldn’t be posting on here if it was that simple for them!!!

*yes but it can be so liberating if one can actually take a deep breath and just. say. no.
and then it becomes easier thereafter.
one would almost wish to be the worm that turned, to have that delicious moment of astonishment from those who expect to continue crushing us.

Say no, it’s got a leak/ having a new pump/ heater fitted and change the gate code.
I let a friend use pool ( long time ago) while I was away. Came home to be told by neighbour she’d left her children, plus another 2 , at my house and driven off (several times) They’d obviously smothered themselves in sun cream and lain on garden swing seat and my sofas indoors. Had also had TV on. I was not happy.

Ask your husband because he has some say in this. If he says no then you can tell her sorry but DH isn’t keen on it being used in your absence

Just say no. You want the house secure while your away. That includes turning the heat off for safety reasons. If u work for free you will always have a job....

As I said before - you need to check your insurance.

Anyone suggested leaving a giant turd floating in the middle of the pool? That might stop her using it.

If you can afford a pool, you can afford to ensure for all risks

This post isn't worthy of any more posts. Sort it out legally and safely op and drop this post now

@LesLavandes

This post isn't worthy of any more posts. Sort it out legally and safely op and drop this post now

That's not your decision to make, Miss Salty Pants

Emberino

If cost was the real issue you would never have installed a pool in the first place…inheritance may have given you the money to buy it but clearly you knew there was an ongoing cost that you could afford, a bloody great hole in the ground is for life not just a summer whim! Sounds to me like your husband is the one causing the issue and placing you in the middle in a difficult position. Just say sorry not possible this time, without careful monitoring which only your husband seems to think he is capable of the levels go wrong making it unusable for a long period of time, insinuate it’s his fault! Husband getting really upset about chemical levels he needs to get a grip people cann’t afford to heat their homes at the moment!

I was struggling to see how someone was going to find a way to make this a man's fault, but you came through! Well done! I think you get a badge or something for this.