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Original poster

Friend asking to use swimming pool

839 replies

bakedbeansandgravy · 29/03/2022 16:20

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

OP posts:
ChilledBeez · 31/03/2022 11:12

Just tell her that if it was up to you she could absolutely use it. But... DH has checked the insurance policy and you are not covered if there were to be any accidents and he will not take that chance. That's something any reasonable person would understand. Anyway, I think it's very cheeky of her to ask.

Mocca8 · 31/03/2022 14:21

My sister lets me use her pool and she did a little video of how to turn it on the day before to heat it for the following day etc so it wasnt left on the whole time they were away and also where pumps plugs etc all were and whatever chemicals I needed to use etc. She and I are very close and I actually requested a video as I have a memory like a sieve as to what to do. I wasnt offened by it and if using someone elses things id be more conscious to look after it all properly. Tbh there was so much work involved I did only use it once haha you could say "sure I'll have to send you a video as to how to maintain and use it properly as this is so important " least that way you're covered and she knows she has to maintain it (unlike last time eeek) if you really don't want her using it say one of the kids did a poo in it and it's out of action haha joke BTW

ladyattheback · 31/03/2022 15:16

Can you change the gate code? I agree with others suggesting there is an insurance liability issue here if you aren't on premises if they use it when you are away. I'm sure you don't want an incident whilst you are away resulting in an accident when you are away and coming back to a liability claim.

pinkstripeycat · 31/03/2022 15:33

TeenPlusCat

Say no, while you are away the pool won't be being heated?

If pushed say your DH and you have decided not to let people use it while you are away as you've had issues with the chemicals not being right so you need to be there to ensure they are safe/balanced?

This ^

ladyattheback · 31/03/2022 15:56

Another complete reason (not an excuse), here is that if the chemicals aren't properly maintained, likely this will invalidate warranty on the filter etc. EITHER WAY, this will cost you money. The pool levels being so unusually low last time OP are a massive alarm bell...they clearly had LOTS of people in your pool and are not to be trusted. Please, just say 'NO' to her, and change that gate code for peace of mind. Otherwise like others have said, they'll perhaps try anyway, pleading ignorance to any problems you return to. If I loaned ANYTHING to a 'friend' and it was returned damaged I would be reluctant to do so again. Pools are not cheap , and likely costly to fix. SAY NO, Enjoy your holiday, and change that gate code Smile

SageAndButterSpaghetti · 31/03/2022 16:00

What is everyone suggesting all these excuses/rationale/explanations?!

JUST SAY NO!!

And...is 'change the code' the new 'cancel the cheque'?!

PinkSyCo · 31/03/2022 16:51

What is everyone suggesting all these excuses/rationale/explanations?!

JUST SAY NO!!

Agreed. I understand that OP doesn’t like confrontation but what sort of example is she setting her kids if she won’t stuck up for herself when someone is blatantly taking the puss out of her. It’s pathetic.

PinkSyCo · 31/03/2022 16:52

Sorry. Fat thumbs.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 31/03/2022 16:57

@PinkSyCo

What is everyone suggesting all these excuses/rationale/explanations?!

JUST SAY NO!!

Agreed. I understand that OP doesn’t like confrontation but what sort of example is she setting her kids if she won’t stuck up for herself when someone is blatantly taking the puss out of her. It’s pathetic.

Given that the OP hasn't been back, I'd say she's found us all a tad too confrontational Grin
EthelTheAardvark · 31/03/2022 16:58

@SageAndButterSpaghetti

What is everyone suggesting all these excuses/rationale/explanations?!

JUST SAY NO!!

And...is 'change the code' the new 'cancel the cheque'?!

Plus OP checked out two days ago so advising her is a tad pointless.
Original poster
bakedbeansandgravy · 31/03/2022 17:00

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz & @EthelTheAardvark you both spoke too soon!

I am still here, reading/following the comments with interest.

I haven't yet spoken to my friend. She wants to use the pool in May, so we are a tad off the time she needs to use it. I will update when i have something to update with.

I appreciate all the useful suggestions.

OP posts:
Hiphophippityskip1 · 31/03/2022 17:25

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Horst · 31/03/2022 17:30

If it’s not till may I’d still change the code now just so it’s already done. Don’t mention it to her though at all. If she brings up the code not working that means she’s trying to sneak in anyway. At which point you need to have words anyway and again you could always blame dh or the insurance if your still not wanting to go toe to toe.

mrsmolks · 31/03/2022 18:53

I have a pool - the cost of reheating is far more than keeping it at the temperature. Would you really turn it off if you go on hols - no one i know does this? Its not going to cost you money but regardless it us taking the piss and i would say no

mrsmolks · 31/03/2022 18:56

And also it takes two seconds to drip the chemicals in the filter which you could show her. My pool has an auto water top up as do most. I think you are making excuses that aren't justified. You just don't want her to use the pool - which is fine

Chandimum · 31/03/2022 20:01

@Sparklybanana

Just say no. Say what you said above that it took dh ages to fix the pool after "some guests" had used it and he's now banned its use when you're away. Plus it's not going to be heated.
Perfect
Bobbins36 · 31/03/2022 20:03

@Emberino

If cost was the real issue you would never have installed a pool in the first place…inheritance may have given you the money to buy it but clearly you knew there was an ongoing cost that you could afford, a bloody great hole in the ground is for life not just a summer whim! Sounds to me like your husband is the one causing the issue and placing you in the middle in a difficult position. Just say sorry not possible this time, without careful monitoring which only your husband seems to think he is capable of the levels go wrong making it unusable for a long period of time, insinuate it’s his fault! Husband getting really upset about chemical levels he needs to get a grip people cann’t afford to heat their homes at the moment!
They are not obliged to pay for all their mates to use it. Jealous much?
NannyKrampus · 31/03/2022 22:05

@Emberino

If cost was the real issue you would never have installed a pool in the first place…inheritance may have given you the money to buy it but clearly you knew there was an ongoing cost that you could afford, a bloody great hole in the ground is for life not just a summer whim! Sounds to me like your husband is the one causing the issue and placing you in the middle in a difficult position. Just say sorry not possible this time, without careful monitoring which only your husband seems to think he is capable of the levels go wrong making it unusable for a long period of time, insinuate it’s his fault! Husband getting really upset about chemical levels he needs to get a grip people cann’t afford to heat their homes at the moment!
Who pissed on your chips...!
SmellyOldOwls · 31/03/2022 22:51

@Horst

If it’s not till may I’d still change the code now just so it’s already done. Don’t mention it to her though at all. If she brings up the code not working that means she’s trying to sneak in anyway. At which point you need to have words anyway and again you could always blame dh or the insurance if your still not wanting to go toe to toe.
Tbh I think OP should do this anyway. Multiple people seem to know the code so it's sensible to change it before going away.
TheBestForLast · 31/03/2022 22:56

Just tell her the truth, I wouldn't make up a bullshit story about how it's broke or whatever because the next time she asks you will have to lie again.

Daffodilz · 31/03/2022 23:32

Op I'll tell her. In half an hour the gas goes up 54 per cent on top of the old price.

Say no.

MrsMoastyToasty · 31/03/2022 23:47

Do it sooner rather than later. Its like ripping a plaster off your skin. It'll be painful for a few seconds.
I still think that my idea is best. @bakedbeansandgravy....empty the pool!

HollowTalk · 31/03/2022 23:49

[quote bakedbeansandgravy]**@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz* & @EthelTheAardvark* you both spoke too soon!

I am still here, reading/following the comments with interest.

I haven't yet spoken to my friend. She wants to use the pool in May, so we are a tad off the time she needs to use it. I will update when i have something to update with.

I appreciate all the useful suggestions.[/quote]
If you want to stay friends with her (not sure why you would) then just say that your husband was so angry last time that he said that there is no way anyone should be able to use it unless you're both around. And for God's sake change that code!

R2G · 01/04/2022 01:09

If you feel you are weak tell her you're at an appointment Nd could she please check with your husband. Get him to say no. If she says anything to you, just say ah yes sorry he explained he needs to sort chemicals while we're away

nalabae · 01/04/2022 04:16

As others said lie and say it’s out of service