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Original poster

Friend asking to use swimming pool

839 replies

bakedbeansandgravy · 29/03/2022 16:20

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

OP posts:
thenovice · 30/03/2022 19:20

Would you be insured for them to use it while you were away?

GADDay · 30/03/2022 19:21

Just tell the truth. No you can't use the pool as we won't be here. No excuses or apologies required.

Don't launch into a long story about electricity, water levels and chemicals. That just opens the door for a negotiation.

Scooby5kids · 30/03/2022 19:24

@bakedbeansandgravy

thanks for all the replies, some good options here.

The pool maintenance was explained to her last time and she said she understood. When a hell of a lot of green scum started forming around the pool edges, I thought she would have realised something was wrong. But she clearly carried on using the pool. I have no idea how she managed to get so much water out of the pool. It was extremely low.

She massively takes advantage of me in many ways and I feel immensely pressured into saying yes. I'm weak and I know it and so does she.

I think you need to start giving this friendship the cool down, never mind just the pool. It seems like she's using you. Just distance yourself, start telling her you're not available when she texts you to use the pool, just say there is a problem with it, make something up.
inkyfingers · 30/03/2022 19:25

If you come up with excuses about energy, or pool servicing, she may offer to pay, says she likes cold water swimming etc etc. And then ask you to borrow it next time you go away.

Just say No, we don’t loan it out.

Sillyname63 · 30/03/2022 19:31

Get your husband to tell her no or at least be there when you tell her so there is no whining about her DD being disappointed ,tough they just need to suck it up once in a while. Definitely change the gate code and I would say try and distance yourself from her a bit as she is using you and you know it.

Bobbins36 · 30/03/2022 19:43

If your pool was v low last time then Imbet they had a ton of people in there, kids and mates all jumping in and emptying the thing (we have one, when the kids have a pool party it’s half empty after!) would also account for serious depletion of chemicals.

Cheeky fucker. Tell her no can do this time. And defo change the code.

Lunificent · 30/03/2022 19:52

She’s no friend.

TurquoiseDragon · 30/03/2022 20:42

OP, use the insurance angle, you can't allow access while you're away as it invalidates your insurance.

And change the gate code, because I reckon she'll try to use it anyway.

Because if anything happens while you're away, you could find yourself liable.

Don't take the risk, and blaming the insurance instead of just saying No will help you, if you're a people pleaser. (Been there, done that, not a people pleaser anymore.)

Pinkfluff76 · 30/03/2022 20:45

Yes and I’m sure you’d all like to use the pool when you get back so your kids will be so disappointed when she fucks it up again

Pinklemonade1 · 30/03/2022 20:53

I really can't get over people being this cheeky. It's taking advantage of your better nature. I would say something along the lines of your DH not feeling comfortable with people using it while you are away due to the difficulty with the maintenance. You shouldn't then need another excuse for next time she asks.

GlamGiraffe · 30/03/2022 20:55

I really would just say that the pool costs do much to heat ypu have yo turn it off whilst you are away, and in any case youve fuscoveted thete are safety requiremenrs ftom yourjbdurance compmany in cssexa gire brike out in the heater if it was unattendended for more than a night and youve befn yold ypu need extra lisbility insursnce for others yo use the poolif the homrowner idny thete (thrne vsgur og out...policy detsils wre comlkex snd yoo cosyly yo buy). That way youre blaming somrone else/ legal protocol and making it clear friend use but "its such a shsme ypu cant let it hapoen...(youre "sure she understands how hatd sll these new legal things are")

Kiwirose · 30/03/2022 20:57

I have done my 2 day pool course and if you get the chemicals wrong you can cause problems with bacteria which could either irritate skin or result in green water and if the water level drops it will damage the filter. I suspect the maintenance costs will fall to you should this happen.

Turn the heating off and tell her that because untrained people can't maintain the pool properly you have made the decision not to let others use it. (and change your locks) Blame it on DP or the insurance or whatever.

Good luck

HesterShaw1 · 30/03/2022 20:59

"No I'm afraid that won't be possible."

There.

GlamGiraffe · 30/03/2022 21:01

I really would just say that the pool costs so much to heat ypu have yo turn it off whilst you are away, and in any case youve discoveted thete are new safety requiremenrs ftom your insurance compmany in csse a fire brike out in the waterheater if it was unattendended for more than a night and youve also been yold you need extra lisbility insursnce for others to use the poolif the homeowner isn't thete (then vague it out...policy detsils were complex and yoo cosyly too buy). That way youre blaming somrone else/ legal protocol and making it clear friend cant use but "its such a shsme ypu cant let it hapen...(youre "sure she understands how hard sll these new legal things are").

Sorty disability in full swing atm. Cant really see so typos and nonsense prob rife. I tried my best. I always get slayed

Wouldnt post

Kteeb1 · 30/03/2022 21:02

Don't know why you can't charge your friend for heating the pool. Everyone knows the cost of heating nowadays. I Wouldn't dream of using a pool author offering to pay. But in any case, she didn't look after it so I'd just say no and make up a reason if you don't want to fall out.

AprilMae · 30/03/2022 21:06

Can you say you’re reluctant and explain what you’ve said here re heating bills and requirement to keep checking chemicals which you can’t do if it’s not there? Just say sorry but come over when we are home. She might think it’s no bother but the pool just sits there.

AprilMae · 30/03/2022 21:07

*if you’re not there

phishy · 30/03/2022 21:10

@AprilMae

Can you say you’re reluctant and explain what you’ve said here re heating bills and requirement to keep checking chemicals which you can’t do if it’s not there? Just say sorry but come over when we are home. She might think it’s no bother but the pool just sits there.
Don’t do this OP, it’s extremely doormatty.

Just say no.

Winnipeg23 · 30/03/2022 21:10

She shouldn't have asked. That puts you in an awkward position. Definitely taking a loan...and not careful with your stuff. Its painting a picture. Say NO.
But house insurance and liability and husband says not to be used is definitely way to go.

StargazerAli · 30/03/2022 21:37

You have to say a straight forward 'no' to people using it while you're not there or you'll have to think of an excuse every time you go away.
It's very cheeky of her to have asked in the first place but you don't want to face this same situation again and again.

pollymere · 30/03/2022 21:53

I would just say that unfortunately due to current energy crisis, you won't be heating it while you're away (turning off filter too?) so you won't be able to let her this time.

Suchasonganddance · 30/03/2022 21:57

This is the point you pull your big girl pants on and tell her to F* OFF. For goodness sake 🙄

GADDay · 30/03/2022 22:05

OP - you sound very sweet and I ask this with good intentions.

If you have no plan to tell her NO, change the code and be done with it, what were you hoping to achieve by starting this thread.

It's time to assert yourself. You will be amazed how good it feels even if it is scary.

You owe your friend and her DD nothing. She is a cheeky fucker taking advantage of your kind nature. It's up to you to stand up for yourself now. If you can't or won't do that then you will need to suck it up and be a doormat forever.

It's possible to be assertive without being a dick. What is the worst that can happen?

JedEye · 30/03/2022 22:08

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say you’re turning the heating off while you’re away to Ted ice unnecessary bills but she’s welcome to join you again when you get back.

Joyjoj · 30/03/2022 22:11

Fact !your insurance does not cover you if there is an accident etc if your not on the premises,plus if you have a pool it's not cheap to maintain it,change your key code and say its being maintained while your away.