Friend asking to use swimming pool

[bakedbeansandgravy]

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

How about mentioning to her that she got a bit confused with the chemicals?

Try and argue your insurance doesnt cover the use of the pool when you arent there.. I would be nervous allowing people in when I couldnt be there to supervise...you dont know what they are up to.

Just say No, we are away.

She didnt get in a tizz about asking you so why get in a tizz about saying No/waste time coming up with elaborate excuses and lies? Whats actually so difficult?

Change your gate code. Thats it.

Say no you can't, change the gate code, and ideally change your number and pretend your phone is broken until the trip. Then spend the money you save on heating it on time with a therapist to sort out your people pleasing tendencies.

First world problems!🥴

@Annabell46

First world problems!🥴

FFS.

People are allowed to have problems that don’t relate to war/poverty/death etc. They still matter to that person and the OP has had good advice here so worth her posting.

Tell your friend the pool needs a special treatment and your DH wants to put it in before you go away so it's ready for when you get back.
Although personally I'd go with no as you didnt quite get the treatment right last time so you and DH have decided he should be the only one to do it going forward.

Sucks to not own your own pool 🤣

Change the number on the keypad. Tell her it's being serviced. A true friend will accept the answer.

Please stand your ground on this one. You've told us explicitly why you can't allow her to use it

Change the code for the gate.

Shes manipulating your inability to say no. You really really need to say no this time or she will continue taking the absolute piss for the rest of your life. Tell her to do one as politely as possible, but whatever excuse you decide upon, tell her god damn in no uncertain words - NO!!!

Just say that you'll be putting extra chlorine in the pool to keep the water good in your absence, and it'll be unpleasant/ too strong for people to use. If you don't do that, you risk coming home to green water and it takes ages to get it back to how it should be.
Honestly, isn't it downright rude that people put you in this position?! CF's!!

Just say no.

Don't fanny around with excuses or explainations.

"No. Sorry."

Done.

My dc have a pool but I’ve never been in it and wouldn’t dream of asking or even hinting to

Hell no

@SharpLily

In this case I would just lie and say there's a fault with the heating system/a leak/ pump is broken or something similar and that someone will be repairing it while you're away and for this reason the pool will be unavailable. And change the code on your gate so friend can't decide to go ahead regardless.

I agree

I could have swam the channel in the time it's taken me to read everyone's comments and only to find op hadn't replied to anyone ☹️

I have only read the OPs comments and a few of the early responses, but re the last comment from the OP about the friend saying her daughter will be disappointed, that's not your responsibility OP and it won't do her daughter any harm to hear a no and be disappointed.
You are entitled to have boundaries. Your friend may be disappointed and try to manipulate you. She could do with learning some boundaries and passing that onto her daughter. Say no. Change the gate code. Go away and enjoy yourself. If your friend is rude to you/complains call her out our on it. You may feel uncomfortable but it'll get easier each time you do it.

You sound like a really nice person, but her DD isn't your problem so don't let her guilt you into anything.
If you can't straight up say no.
Then make a bs excuse and if you can't think of a good enough one, blame it on your DH I'm sure he won't mind.
After last time I really wouldn't trust her again and al be damned to be wasting money on keeping the pool heated whilst you're not there.
It's your pool and your property, she needs to respect that.

If she wants to go swimming that badly then there's lots of public pools she can go too.

You'll just have to be honest and state its being switched off and it took ages to get the chemicals back to normal last time. Sure they can go a couple of weeks while you're gone

@bakedbeansandgravy

thanks for all the replies, some good options here.

The pool maintenance was explained to her last time and she said she understood. When a hell of a lot of green scum started forming around the pool edges, I thought she would have realised something was wrong. But she clearly carried on using the pool. I have no idea how she managed to get so much water out of the pool. It was extremely low.

She massively takes advantage of me in many ways and I feel immensely pressured into saying yes. I'm weak and I know it and so does she.

She doesn't sound like much of a friend if she does that!

Would she be covered on your insurance if you weren’t there, anyway?

I’d just say no, sorry, if it’s not done correctly it costs us a lot of time and money. A reasonable person will understand that.

I would just say “Sorry the pool won’t be in use while we’re away” good luck x

It’s been widely broadcast about the riding cost of everything especially electricity di she if being a CF. Say you are using the opportunity of going away to get the pool serviced.

With hugely increasing utility bills we can't afford to have the pool on as much so I'd prefer not to keep it on when we're away. Also there was an issue last time with the chemicals not been done. I hope this isn't a inconvenience but we'd just prefer for it not to be used while we're away. By all means you can use when we come back

@NameChangeCity123

I wouldn't make an excuse or you'll have to do it every time you go away. Just say no. Also change the code on your gate. Get better friends

Exactly! Why try to make excuses, chemicals, insurance, maintenence etc etc when all it needs is No you can't, we don't want anyone using our expensive facility when we're not there to supervise?