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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend asking to use swimming pool

839 replies

bakedbeansandgravy · 29/03/2022 16:20

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

OP posts:

Michellelovesizzy · 30/03/2022 17:42

Yeah I would just say no.... its ur pool and u don’t want her to use it lol x

SamSoSer · 30/03/2022 17:44

Err.... just say no.
Congrats on the pool btw😉

cantbeatfreshsheets · 30/03/2022 17:45

I'd just really sorry. Last time we let Someone use it when we were away something went wrong with the balance of the chemicals and it took quite a bit of work to get it back to normal. DH is a bit precious with it and as we are away we had planned to turn of heating which is pretty costly anyway. So sorry. If I had asked to use a friends pool and got a reply like that I would be mortified. Then I again I would never ask something like that in the first place. Don't even spend time worrying about her reaction. It's your pool! You have every right to want to lock up the house/pool safely while your away and not worry about it!

CaveMum · 30/03/2022 17:49

Don’t say sorry! You’ve nothing to apologise for!

Don’t lie, you might contradict yourself.

Just say “We’ve decided not to allow anyone to use the pool when we’re not here to supervise.”

When you are challenged, again don’t apologise just reply “I understand but like I say we’ve decided not to let anyone use the pool when we’re not here to supervise.”

Like @JuvenileGreyFox says, be a broken record.

wentworthinmate · 30/03/2022 17:52

Blame husband and say he said no with apologies. I'm sure he won't mind as he's the one who knows what a faff she caused last time.

PeachyPeachTrees · 30/03/2022 17:54

@CaveMum

Don’t say sorry! You’ve nothing to apologise for!

Don’t lie, you might contradict yourself.

Just say “We’ve decided not to allow anyone to use the pool when we’re not here to supervise.”

When you are challenged, again don’t apologise just reply “I understand but like I say we’ve decided not to let anyone use the pool when we’re not here to supervise.”

Like @JuvenileGreyFox says, be a broken record.

Absolutely agree. Never use the word sorry or show any weakness or a way they can get in and change your mind. It's a NO to EVERYONE when you're not there.

Has anyone said change the gate code yet?!

ToxicBuns · 30/03/2022 17:55

Tell them no. It sounds CFy to me. What if something happen whilst you're away, a serious accident or worse? They'll say it's your fault for not safeguarding the pool properly.

tinkletinklelittlestar · 30/03/2022 18:02

No.

Don't apologise and don't explain.

BTW, her daughter being disappointed is the friend's problem not yours. Unless it's a load of stinky balls. Change the garden gate code as well.

You have been more than kind with your lovely swimming pool in the past and probably will when you are all around to enjoy it - not for others while you're away.

StoneofDestiny · 30/03/2022 18:05

Either tell her the truth, what you have said on here or tell her a fib, that you are putting cleaning chemicals in while you are away.

I'd actually just say NO - then she will not ask again.

Thinking2022 · 30/03/2022 18:06

think probably will be something not allowed by your home insurance policy

Lively123 · 30/03/2022 18:09

We have a wooden framed pool and put the heating on minimal between Oct-May to save energy. If we were away May we wouldn't switch it in until we get back. Perhaps it may be an idea to do something similar?

NickHS · 30/03/2022 18:11

Never let people come and use your pool when you’re not there. They’ll damage the cover and mess up the chemical balance. Also with energy prices as they are, you’re nuts if you don’t reduce the temperature right down while you’re away. If it’s a new system you may be able to control your heat pump from your phone, so you can be sure it’s back up to normal when you get back.

AllOfUsAreDead · 30/03/2022 18:13

Change the code and tell her its being serviced. Then block her. She sounds like an ass anyway, and stupid if she can't follow instructions.

SlashBeef · 30/03/2022 18:18

Woman up, say no, change the code. Done.
If you don't change your approach, you will continue to be a doormat.

Evan456 · 30/03/2022 18:20

Just say yes but be aware the heating will be off so it’s up to you if you want freezing swim

StanleyGreen · 30/03/2022 18:20

[quote iRun2eatCake]@bakedbeansandgravy what are you going to do?[/quote]
I think we all know that OP is just going to let friend use the pool.

inheritancetrack · 30/03/2022 18:20

Say your insurance company has banned other users as well as commercial use

Jongy · 30/03/2022 18:20

Say what you said in your post and as a precaution leave a chocolate bar to float in the pool whilst you are away to act as a deterrent.

GiveYourHeadAWobble · 30/03/2022 18:22

Personally I’d probably give the friend another chance, but give her some instructions or something on how to do the chemicals properly as they got messed up before.
Our neighbour was very generous with her swimming pool when I was a child. I’ve got many happy memories and am grateful for that.

Holly60 · 30/03/2022 18:27

‘Hi friend. I think we’ve decided not to let people use the pool when we are away. It means we can save a little bit of money by turning it off for a short while. Also it’s actually really tricky to get the chemicals right for it and we don’t want to put that pressure on anyone. We can’t wait to have you over when we get back though. Hope you understand xx’

Bunce1 · 30/03/2022 18:27

Text her-

Pool use won’t be available while we are away, hopefully we can all meet up when we return for pool fun and games, see you soon!

Then leave it. Make sure you change the code and any reply she makes just grey rock her

Dd will be so disappointed!
We will have plenty of pool days together soon

What’s the problem I’ll look after it?
It’s a finicky expensive thing so we’re keeping ot out of use while we are away. See you when we get back

uptonogoode · 30/03/2022 18:29

I'd change the gate code

Pingu32 · 30/03/2022 18:36

The insurance answer is probably true anyway and with all energy and maintenance costs rising so much, the pool won't be available whilst you're away. I wouldn't lie outright but neither would I play the blame game - it sounds like it's outside your comfort zone

Feeascotime · 30/03/2022 18:38

The heating - surely it costs more to let the po cool down then reheat it rather than keep it constant? Also who puts chemicals in when you're away and nobody uses the pool? Is it possible for hubby to show her how to do it properly? Just saying that if you really wanted to accommodate her you would find a way. I would not go with these heating/chemical/low water excuses as they will sound just like that - excuses. The insurance/death risk (if no chdren involved) also iffy. Just be honest and say family has decided rather not too and pool out as do many requests being made and you prefer not to have a stream of people on your property. No other reasons.🤷‍♀️ Good luck 👍

NotSure94 · 30/03/2022 18:39

Of course you can charge your friend. Not least with energy prices rising. So yes they can use it but you will need a contribution of X to cover heating and other maintenance etc.

Or just simply say no it isn't possible very sorry.

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